coffeegod
Things to which I'm looking forward:
1 - NEVER wearing elastic waist pants unless I WANT to.
2 - Not getting the 'Do you think she knows she's that fat' look from people.
3 - Being as physically active as I want to be.
4 - Need I say it? Crossing my legs!
18 March 2006 -- Need I say it? I'm stuck slap in the middle of the 'Insurance Waiting Game'. (I always mentally hear that with the big gameshow echo announcer saying it) I promised the powers that be at CMMC I wouldn't call back to them until the end of March. I'm not good at waiting to begin with and this is really putting the hurtin' to me. Literally. I have to use a cane these days to do long walks.
How in the sam hill did I ever let myself get this way?
13 April 2006 -- I finally heard from the insurance nazis. I have to have the psych eval (yes, I'm nutz. I'm planning on having my stomach cut apart so that I can lose weight, live longer and see my son grow up. Do they really think we would do this if there were another way???), nutritional consult (I have like 10 hours of nutrition from college) and last but never least, back up from my family doctor saying that I've been on medically supervised weight loss. I have an appointment with my family doc on the 17th, the nutritionist on the 20th and the shrink on the 24th. I hope to have all this cr*p back to the insurance company along with a letter from me pleading my case (widow with a 4 year old son. I'm gonna die if I don't get this surgery. Yes, I've tried many ways to lose weight. I always gain it back plus....etc...).
I was told when I started this process that I'd have to jump through some hoops. Well, this fat little lady is jumping as high as she can. I can't worry about it but I do find myself biting my nails more frequently these days. I just want them to say yes.
27 April, 2006 - Welp...I've seen the family doc, no problem. I saw the nutritionist, very interesting and again, no problem. I saw the psych, yeah, I'm nutz but no problem. Now all this information has to go back to Anthem and spend a couple of weeks gathering dust in somebody's in basket before it gets routed to the right person who then decides that he/she wants me to have a sleep apnea test or some other time consuming procedure.
*grumble* All I've done over the last year is research WLS. I know what I'm getting into and yes, it is medically necessary. Just pay for it already.
I promised Creator if I'm kept healthy until I get WLS, I'll do everything in my power afterwards to be successful. Exercise, eat right, drink all my H2O, get enough protien (how do you spell that???) etc, etc, etc.... So far so good but when you lose your husband to morbid obesity and sleep apnea and you have a 4 year old son, you get a little antsy to be on the losing side. Okay, deep breath. I'm cool.
UPDATE *grumblemuttercurse*
I called Anthem again. Talked to voicemail again. Waited all morning...again.
Believe it or not, someone actually called me back! After I woke out of the faint, the person from Anthem told me that they had not received any further paperwork from CMMC since April 16th.
I got pretty stinkin' angry at this point. Got the lady's name and fax number.
I called CMMC....again. Got the answering service...again. Pitched a right royal b*tch and asked for a human being in the WLS clinic. Got nowhere. Called CMMC's main switchboard. Got someone's voice mail....again. Hit 0 and got an operator. Had yet another hissy fit and she tried 5 different numbers, finally getting me in touch with...you guessed it! THE ANSWERING SERVICE AGAIN!!!
I blew a gasket.
"I WANT to talk to a HUMAN in Bariatric Surgery NOW!!!"
The girl on the other end of the line apparently had the wherewithall to realize I was not to be messed with at this point and transfered me (I had been told they could NOT do this) directly to someone in the WLS unit.
Well, Jeanie answered, god love her. After I unleashed my pent up angst in her direction she very calmly told me that the aforementioned information had been faxed back to Anthem on May 16th.
I almost cried.
I said I was sorry for barking at her. She took it in stride and then said she would fax the information back to Anthem to the attention of the last supervisor to whom I spoke.
So now I wait.
Again.
Anybody got a martini? I need a drink.
15 June 2k6 - Noon. *heavy sigh* I just got off the phone with Anthem. After weeks of "You need what?" and contacting that person or "You sent it when?" and fussing like mad, I *finally* spoke to Barbara the pre-cert nurse. I will hereafter refer to her as Saint Barbara. After finding out that I had been denied and bursting into tears, I asked why. She read through the notes, told me to take a deep breath and read why I was denied. I think I can get what they want. St. Barbara said that if the doctor from CMMC would just call the doctor at Anthem they could do the whole thing over the phone. I've called Jeannie, left a message and asked her to call me. I'm praying so hard my stomach hurts. Maybe, just maybe, I can actually have my date etched in stone by the end of June.
20 June 2k6 - CMMC is about to be put on my short list. After voice mail messages, emails and such, I FINALLY got hold of Sandra. God love her, she's patient. I gave her the information (again) and asked her to 'pass it on' (whatever that means) and now here I sit. The stinker of it is, I have to have all this information to Anthem by the 23rd or else it gets into a far longer process to appeal this denial.
Know what really gets my goat? They had the nerve to deny me because they didn't think WLS was medically necessary. I should send them a picture. Better yet, let them walk around carrying a family of 4 on their shoulders.
22 June 2k6 - Well, I went to CMMC in the flesh today. I asked very politely to speak to one of three people. I got none of them, just a woman with a mean attitude who basically told me "no appointment, we don't care". Well, I burst into tears, returned to the receptionist and asked to speak to a nursing supervisor or something. Adam, God love him, was in the reception area immediately. He took me back to his office where I spoke to Jeannie. God love her, she had gotten all my information to the insurance nazis on the 20th but had not had the time to call me to let me know she had done so. I cried even harder and thanked her from the bottom of my heart. She hugged me and told me "We WILL get you your surgery, don't worry."
To say I feel better is a wee bit of an understatement.
11 July 2k6 - Everything the insurance company needs is into them. Now it is the appeals time. I've talked to a lawyer just in case the appeal is denied. Know what really fries me about how I've been treated by the insurance nazis? I'm PAYING them to treat me this way!!! It amazes me that they can get away with this kind of poopie. I should know something in about 10 days. Hopefully I won't need my roof patched.
27 July 2k6 - OHMYGOD! I AM APPROVED!!!! I just got off the phone with Vickie at Anthem. As soon as I get my letter I can get my date! I'm about to be a loser!!!
25 August 2k6 - One month after approval I am waiting my surgery date. I should hear from Adam on Monday regarding my date. I'd love to get the rest of my life going. I feel like I've been on hold for ages now. I would love to be walking without the cane by Halloween. My son is really looking forward to trick or treat and last year was sooo miserable. I couldn't walk without massive pain. This year it will be different.
1 September 2k6 - Today would have been my 5th wedding anniversary. I miss my husband. He would love the fact that 10 days from now I'll be a loser. Ayup, I have a date. 9/11/06. My rebirthday will be 9/11. My entire destiny seems to be connected to this date. Five years ago on 9/11, we had finally settled down after the wedding. Our last guest went home on 9/10. Then the world stopped turning. Lord, what a day.
8 September 2k6 - Update My date has changed to September 18th. I must say I'm rather happy about this. I have one week to shrink my liver. I met with my surgeon, Dr. Erin Cummins, yesterday. She ROCKS. Totally had nothing better to do that explain everything to me. I still get freaked out when I think about what I'm going to have done to my body but I know it is *THE* right thing to do.
16 September 2k6 - Whoa...time sure flies. Monday, monday, everloving monday. This time Monday I'll be hungry, groggy, caffeine-deprived and all in all, ready to get this party started. One day, 16 hours, 15 minutes from now. (more or less). Mark this day in your history books because I find I'm pretty much speechless. Mad props to my 'angel' Karine. She has walked this path six weeks before me. No question goes unanswered, no question too silly. She has unflinchingly shared her experiences right down to how freakin' nasty phospho soda is. You are my hero, girly!
22 September 2k6 - I'm home. I'm tired. I hurt but I'm home and officially a loser. More later.
26 September 2k6 - Okay, I saw the doc today for post op #1. Down 25 pounds from the highest. Woohoo! Apparently I'm doing great. I moved on to full liquids (yeah!) and had the most yummy baked potato soup this evening. Cottage cheese has 15 gr of protien in a half cup, did you know that? I now need water and am going to head into the kitchen to get some! Night night. :)
1 October 2k6 - Oooo, learning to eat again is tough. I've upchucked several times this week, mostly when I try something in tandem with other foods. Peanut butter did it tonight. I thought I had chewed it well enough but apparently not. I also dumped this morning. I put an all fruit spread in unflavored yogurt but the apricot (first time I've used it) totally made me dump. Pain, nausea, feeling of absolute lethargy, I slept it off. My son made me the most beautiful get well card. He is such an incredible artist. I just hope I can keep him one.
10 October 2k6 - Heading out to my first Post-Op WLS meeting. Do I have food issues? Of course. I'm working on them. I've gone back to eating single things instead of trying to combine stuff. That never works for me. The minute I try to mix stuff together, I barf. I did, however, eat ground beef last night and it stayed down. I was so happy. It was yummy hamburger steak from the home cooking place down the street. I chewed those bites until they hardly resembled food let alone beef. I'm going to try Wendy's chili next time I'm that way. I'm not touching another potato unless it is pureed.
14 October 2k6 - Monday I'll be one month post op. Doesn't really seem possible. I'm still eating simple foods. Things that are too thick don't sit well with me. Ground beast is doing well. I don't seem to have any problems with it. I'm keeping a food diary now. Today was the first day I came close to getting my minimums. I probably drank too much decaf (3 cups) but at least I got the fluids down. Can't see how any amount of decaf could be detrimental. I mean, it is really only colored water. The good stuff (caffeine) has been taken out but I'm dealing. Staying away from soy is a constant problem. Seems like everything has soy in it.
20 October 2k6 - I can't sleep. I mean seriously can't sleep. I try and I just stare at the ceiling. I know one of the reasons I haven't had the weight loss I should be having is I'm not sleeping. I could try sleeping pills but I'm scared I won't hear El Jefe if he needs me in the night. I sit up all night and start yawning as soon as I begin to see light on the horizon. I just don't know what to do. I have to wonder if this not sleeping garbage is a result of Scott's death. Am I scared to sleep because I don't want to die in my sleep? Do I feel like I have to stay up and watch over everyone and everything? Am I finally shuffling off this mortal sanity and heading straight towards the ol' funny farm? I've been waiting for the day when my sanity finally does snap but I never expected it to do it through lack of sleep. I still hate closed doors on bedrooms. I guess that phobia will never pass. They just give me the creeps.
2 November 2k6 - Six weeks post op yesterday. Went to see Dr. Cummins today. 51 pounds gone. Buh-bye. Adios. I'll get labs run next time, about 4 more weeks. I'm finally sleeping better. The carpet is down in the house and I'm getting ready to pull the rest of the old stuff and put down the wood floor. I really can't wait to get that project started. I may be completely off my chum, but I'm looking forward to all this construction. Actually, given my weight loss, you would think I would be happier. Fact is, I'm just hrm about it...go figure.
19 November 2k6 - The home scales say 382. From my original 450 that's 68 pounds in two months. Wow. I'm getting over the flu which I got in spite of getting a flu shot this year. Bummer, huh? I'm happy with my weight loss. I just want my century. I also want my mom off my ass. I swear, you would think she paid for my surgery the way she's trying to micromanage my life these days. Yes, mother, I know I need to clean my house but the fact remains it is MY house and I'm free and well over 21 so GET OFF MY BACK. She has the nerve to tell me how to eat when she lives on Diet Cokes and antibiotics. ARGH!!!! Can you feel the frustration? I'll probably go back and delete this eventually but until then *Wilhelm Scream*
26 November 2006 - So El Jefe and I are heading to DC Tuesday am. This is the longest time I've ever spent with my MIL and other assorted insane relatives. I'm looking forward to seeing everybody and really hope this will be fun. I'm taking my xanax to make sure it is fun. My scales are reading 375. Any movement downward is good. See you in two weeks.
18 December 2006 - A month?!? I haven't updated in a month? Good gawd. Welp, I made it through the visit with MIL. I ate waaay too much chocolate and bad stuff. Turns out I don't dump from anything specific but rather on the odd moment. Go figure. According to my scales at home, I'm at the same weight I was before I left. According to the CMMC scales, I've lost 66 pounds, which means I'm at 384. I will do better. I went back and reread that promise I made Creator and it hit me. I promised and I dislike going back on my promises. I have decided to head to the gym. Yoga, weight lifting and aqua aerobics, here I come. In three months, I plan to be at 340 or below. I will have my Century at that point. You know, WLS isn't easy.
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