coachgrrl

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 Well I discovered that I was too tight.  Oh yeah.  Had 1cc taken out, went on prevacid for 2 weeks...so much better.  Now I had .5 fill  and almost 2 weeks later I have lost 10 of the 12 lbs I was up.  So here's to being in the middle/green zome again!

 So I'm 2 years out from surgery.  I have fairly good restriction.  I came out of the holidays with a 12 lb weight regain.  Ugh, ugh, ugh.  This is what happens when you start getting too comfortable.  The band isn't a cure but a tool.  This I know.  But my brain still reverts back to past habits any chance it gets.  So I went for a therapy tune up and a small 0.3cc fill.  I'm now down 5 lbs of the 12.  It's taken me 2 months...well, to be honest I haven't been exercising as much or it would have been easier.  Now that springs lurking I need to get out more.  7 lbs to go...and then the last 30.  SO 37 lbs to goal.  This year that's where I'm aiming

 Well, I've been in Onderland for awhile now, I was so looking forward to it.  And to see it on the scale was really amazing.  BUT I'm now realizing it really is just another number.  What has really been important is some other numbers...lower blood pressure and more importantly a C reactive protein value that is a fraction of what it was pre-op.  C-reactive protein is a test they are now doing which shows the amount of inflammation present in your body, and a high CRP is highly suggestive of potential cardiac problems.  Normal range is 0.2-0.8...mine pre-op was 1.8...NOT GOOD.   1 yr post op and 85 lbs gone my CRP is 0.4...WOW!!

Now that's an awesome number!

My dh and I recently redid his life insurance (mine is thru work) and signed up for long term care insurance.  My history and health was completely and totally NORMAL.   My thin, physically fit dh and I now weigh the same.  :)

SO it's not that I'm not digging the ONE before the numbers on my scale, because I most certainly am.  It's not that I don't appreciate fitting into a sz 14 skinny jeans and lg tops , because that is all good too.  BUT I now realize how unhealthy my body was at 280+ lbs.  I physically feel so much better, sleep better, work better and am more confident because of it.  

So that's how it feels to be on the other side of wonderland...it feels pretty darn good!

 For the most part my journey's been a good one.  I've obeyed my band rules about 85% of the time and the weight has indeed come off.  I currently have great restriction and bandzilla doesn't do bread, rice or pasta.  I may try it on occasion, but the result is always the same...it hurts and I think..DUH..you knew this! And then I stay away for another month or so.  

I have been in the 204-207 range now for a couple of weeks.  Now normally that would be a bit frustrating but not terribly so as I know sooner or later the weight will come off.  Lately tho it's been pissing me off..because I really want SO bad to be under 200.  A set of numbers I saw briefly from 6/89 to 1/91 and never again.  I got down to 207 for my wedding in 8/91 and still couldn't get past those last 7 friggin lbs.  So um, yeah it's kinda like "a thing " to me.  

Well it just isn't happening..right now.  What is happening is my body is morphing into another being.  I have bones and muscle where there were none before.  Last night I scratched my leg and felt "something" ..low and behold it was a muscle appearing out of the fat, that was no longer there.  WOW, who knew?  I have cheekbones and collarbones and hipbones.  I have gone down a size in jean and my XL scrubs are now baggy...I bought some L and they fit?!  

I guess My body will decide when it wants to officially drop the number.  In the meantime I'll just keep on keeping on and know one morning soon I WILL be on the other side of Onderland. 

 Sigh..the kids go back to school tomorrow.  My dd is senior and she has some decisions to make and colleges to see.  SATs to take and applications to fill out.  I really just want to stay at the pool :) But while I have enjoyed the summer, I also have not been exercising much.  I made some notsogood food choices over my weeklong vacation and even tho I didn't gain I haven't been losing as much either.  So tomorrow I go join the Y and get moving.  i know I have good restriction, but need to decrease the carbs and start exercising.  I will be under 200 by Halloween..only 13 lbs to go....

 So I think I have been stuck at 220..219..218 and back again for the last 3-4wks.  I track my food, eat 800-1000 cals,I eat less carbs, more carb, more protein, less fat.  Still stuck.  I know I have lost 60+ lbs in the last 6 months and feel terrific.  My co-workers keep telling me that Iook like I've lost more wt, my face is now thin, and I know someone has stolen my butt..because the size 18W capris I bought in may that fit, are now falling off and the 16w shorts I bought fit with some room...and I can get on and actually zip up the 14w shorts I bought on sale last week.  So srsly scale,  why aren't you moving?    

 WOW!

I have now lost half of my wt to goal, or 52.5 lbs to be exact...since 1/13 start of my preop diet.  Along the way I've lost a few other things..b/p meds, gerd meds, joint pain and found some new things as well...my cheekbones..hipbones and alot more energy.  My ds summed it up well the other day when he told me, he was so happy I'm not grumpy anymore.  Now let me say that made me sad.  Sad for the person I had been.  The one who was tired and whose body hurt from just normal movement.  I wanted to be the girl I used to be, the one who skiied and rode roller coasters and who traveled all over the world without the use of a belt extender.  So as the weight loss continues I am reclaiming the girl I used to be (yeah I'm 46 and a girl..what about it?).  I'm looking forward to waterparks and roller coasters this summer.  I'm looking forward to shopping in the regular women's dept.  And yes, I'm looking forward to being happy ..or well, at least not grumpy anymore   

I started my WLS surgery about 8 yrs ago.  After my brother's wedding I saw the pictures of my thin, beautiful family and felt like the biggest, ugliest thing on the planet.  When I talked to my husband about WLS, he was shocked and scared I would something so drastic.  At the time our kids were 3, 4 and 7..he was fearful that something would happen and he'd be left alone to raise the kids.  He loved me fat or thin, but he wanted his wife alive.  So ok, I shelved the thought.  Over the next 7+ yrs I would visit the OH website and fantasize about having surgery all while trying numerous attempts to lose weight always losing 20-40 lbs and gaining it back.  At least I wasn't going over my 280lbs...all my fat clothes still fit. It's not so bad.  That's what I kept telling myself. Throughout those years I had a lot of stress, my dad became incapacitated with Alziheimer's, my ds was dx with Juvenile diabetes at age 5.  Being the nurse and good mother/daughter I was..I handled all of this beautifully..and self medicated with food every chance. I. got.  Last year I took a new job, working in a small nursery/nicu with several old friends.  My new hospital has a highly successful bariartic program which I found out was a fully covered benefit for employees. Hmmmm, in my heart I so wanted to do this.  I had a LONG talk with my dh and this time he knew it was what I really wanted.  Besides due to my weight my joints were so sore at the end of a 12 hr shift I could barely walk, and I was so tired..tired of being fat, sore and well..everything.  My husband got onboard and I went to my first WLS seminar.  I liked what I heard and went for my first appointment in Oct and was quickly approved for surgery.  As part of the process I had to see a psychologist, I really clicked with the one I met and decided to continue to see her several times a month as I know the root of my compulsive eating is most certainly emotional based.  It's already brought many things to surface.  Things I chose not to deal with or denied.  But now know I need to face them to get past it and be the person I want to be (/end Staurt Smalley moment :)  ).

So I'm on day 2 of my pre-op Optifast diet.  I did 4-5 months of Optifast in the late 80's (Oprah anyone?) lost 80 lbs kept it off for 3yrs until I got pg too.  I'm trying to look it as 2 wks is not that long.  However my head is telling me otherwise.  At least I can have sald and soup as long as there's no added fat.  And 2 south beach protein bars..which I can tell already are going to be the highlight of my day.  

My surgery date is 2 weeks from today...I'm excited, anxious and a little scared at the same time.  My oldest dd has a winter formal the same night.  I was almost going to switch my date till she told me her and her friends were getting ready at someone's house together and leaving from there. So not wanting to "cramp her style" I guess I'll just do my thing and look at the pictures later.  Teenagers!