Clarice1977_nc
Where to start? Gosh, let's see I am a single mom of one my lil man he is five going on six in August. I honestly did not know just how hard being a mom could be but I have to say that it is well worth the hard work!! About me I am engaged to my best friend and soul mate. He is one of my supporters for my decision to have gastric by pass surgery, my mom she not only is a supporter but she is 1yr and 2mths post op her self and loving life, my sister is a big supporter she is like my son's second mom and also my best friend, and last but not least my dad he just wants me to be healthy and happy. I am considered to be super obese with my height and current weight which is my higest ever! I have always fought the "fat gene" . I have tried weight watchers and had success both times when I was a active member but always seemed to gain the weight plus more back. I have done the starvation diet (which consisted of pretzels, water, cigarettes, and chewing gum) that was my version of a starvation diet. I have even took over the counter diet pills and I am convinced that is what help lead to my heart attack at the age of 27. Before the birth of my son I weighed 305lbs and I was coming out of a very abusive marriage and I made the decision to diet and exercise and eat right. I started on March 17th of 2001 cold turkey and by November 25th of 2001 I was down 107lbs and kept that weight off for about 1 year or more and then I got pregnant with my son 2 months after getting married. During my pregnacy I gained 25lbs and then after having my son inside of 1 year I had gained back all the weight I had lost plus 20 more lbs. I have managed to loose back down to 317lbs and I yo yo back and fourth. I have never been smaller than a size 10 and I honestly do not know if I will ever be that small again. Honestly, I just want to be healthy for my son and be more of an active mom in my son's very active life. It hurts so much to be what I a call bench moms...that is not me I love sports and being active. I am suppose to be getting married on September 26th, 2009 but we have decided to push the date back because I refuse to walk down any isle as a fat bride again. Sounds bad huh...but that is how I feel! I stay more in the house than I do go out to stores, shopping or anything because I do not like the way I look and I get so tired of being stared at like I am some kind of circus freak ...or at least that is how I feel..not saying that they are thinking that or even staring at me but that is my frame of thought since gaining so much weight back. My fiance' gives me compliments all the time and gets up set when I do not take the compliments in stride. He tells me that he loves me for who I am inside and out and that I need to accept the fact that their are people out there that do not judge someone based on their appearance but I have a hard time with that statement since I have been judged my whole life based on my appearance. To sum it all up I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I wish everyone success with their surgeries and with life after surgery!!
