ChristaBas
My story started when I was young. I was always "chubby", and for many years adults around me called it "baby fat", and insisted that I would lose it. I never did. My first realization that I was fat came in 5th grade, when I had another little girl tell me I couldn't play with her group of friends because I was "too fat".
I can still remember that day as clear as a bell, and it has haunted me ever since. In junior high I had the usual taunts and teasing that comes with being overweight, dragging that self esteem even lower. In high school I learned to be myself, and tried to not worry about what others thought, but there were many times that I didn't get the date , or didn't get invited , or other such exclusions simply because of my weight. I ended up in destructive relationships in an attempt to feel needed, until at 19 I was pregnant with a little girl.
That little girl forced me to grow up and face the world, and let out the independant woman inside. I found love with a man that loved my insides (and he says the out, but I find it hard to believe him). We will have been married 10 years in August, and he has adopted my daughter and we have a son together.
Overall, I am a relatively happy and successful person...when I don't look in a mirror. Every morning is a struggle, as I try on outfit after outfit, none of which make me look the way I feel on the inside. Every morning I battle depression as I stand in front of a mirror to fix my hair and put on some makeup.
That is why I am here. My mother had gastric sugery 20 years ago, and even with all the issues with her type of surgery (which they don't do anymore), she says she would do it again in a heartbeat. I want to look in a mirror and like what I see. I want to see the strong, young, vivacious person I know I am but I keep hiding because of how I look.
