Chimere
Hi everyone,
I'd like to introduce myself to all of you. My name is Deborah and I live in Jax fl. I am 5'3" and 250 lbs. I started to say sadly but after thought a good thing my body is SCREAMING at me that this is entirely to much weight for me to carry around. My feet burn if I stand on them any length of time, my ankles and feet are so swollen all the time I can only wear flip flop type shoes. My knees are starting to hurt and my ankles hurt. Now if that isnt enough to make you wanna lose wieght add this on top of all that. My cholesterol is over 350 and so are my triglyserides *how ever you spell it*
So I have made up my mind that I am not going to die a statistic. I have chosen to go see Dr. Alvarez in Mexico. I am self pay and just cant affore the 20k they want here in the states and after reading a great many blogs an watching a great many utube journies I have made the right decision for me.
I went to get my passport picture and OMG, ya knwo its funny how you can con yourself. I look in the mirror and dont see the real me. I have heard of people witth eating disorders that see themselves as fat even if their weight is 70 lbs. Im just the opposite. I just dont see myself as heavy as I truely am. Yes I know Im over weight but I didnt realize how much till I saw my passport picture. What a shock that was.
I was never fat as a child, infact I was always very lean. My mother usta bug me to eat, she always said I didnt eat enough. HA guess I made up for that :). I got pregnant at 17 went from 118 to 159and dropped 3o lbs at birth. My body wanted to stay at 130 to get below that I really had to work hard. But 130 was ok for me I looked toned and healthy so I was ok with that.
Then 8 yrs later I son number 2, i went from 130 to 198. He wieghted 10lbs 9 oz. ya big baby and I had natural child birth. Ya ya I gluton for punishment. Had I known how big he was believe me I wouldnt have. Any way ok so I drop down 160 after his birth. I will never forget I took him for his 2 or 3 month check up and hes peditrition said oh your pregnant again? I was like ummm no.
So the fight was on getting down to 130 again. I didnt for quite a number of yrs. I would yo yo. Id lose gain lose gain for a number of yrs. I know I have tried, done every damn diet out there. Ok never wired my mouth shut but I did ask my dentist if he would, he said no it could kill me if I ever had to throw up i would choke on it. Im not goin to list them casue you guys know what they are.
I finally got up to 190 again when I devorced my X. Pity party and surger will do that :). Then one day I got up and said enough. I started eating 1 meal aday and never anything after 6 pm. I droped to 150 and started walking. First 3o mins in the morning then I added 30 mins at night. I went to 129. I felt good and god the energy. It was great I swear most days I felt high.
Then I said hmm I should quit smokeing. Well that was the beginning of the end I quit and soon after a few months or so, my dad got sick. Kidney failure. He died at home after 6wks. I was his caretaker. The last 2 wks were the hardest, and I had quit walking. I saw my weight creep up. I was eating surgar like I was the human fly. I did that for quite a while, its what I used in place of nicotine. It raised your saratonin lvls, the feel good hormones. My plate sizes got bigger. So my dad pass's then my mother is diagnoised with kidney cancer and here we go again. So im mourning my dad now my mom well let me tell you Ben and jerry sure did make me feel better on more occasions then i can count.
Well moms cured after 2 treatments on kidney and a breast removal now I am on me. I know in my heart of hearts if I dont end this now I will die. I feel like I am dieing a lil bit every day.
So I am haveing my surgery in mid augest. I cannot tell you how thankful I am to have found this site and all the wonderful women and men that post here. Your an inspiration to us and a great help. Id like to personally thank Brandi, shes totally rules :) HIGH FIVE BRANDi
I dont know if im suppose to put all this here I am such a noob to all this but I did. After all it did say My story :)
