chicomed
I have been overweight since at least 6 yo, You can imagine the torment being fat and having a name like Pat that rhythms with fat..!!! I am 56 (57 in April God willing) now.......I have lost hundreds of pounds on diets only to gain it back.
I have been severely obese for the last 10-12 years. It has taken a real toll on my body; I have severe arthritis bi-lat from my knees down.........
In March of this year I started getting severe bouts of swelling of my feet and lower legs, I mean they didn't even look real, really freaked me out, so I started on water pills.
My left knee is bone on bone and very crooked ; my lower leg points out so my whole foot has become bent and kind of deformed looking; I have severe pain everyday and it is really getting worse fast .........
In August I was walking on my driveway on flat ground and 3 bones in my left foot just snapped in half; the sounds and pain of that happening is beyond words............with all this , I still did not go on a diet...........that just proves to me in reflection how much denial I have been in about how out of control my lifelong eating disorder is.
What got me here; in October of this year, I awoke in the middle of the night and sat up in bed with chest pressure and pain.
I got up and went out in the upstairs hallway. I love this part, if you have been married a couple of decades or more, I think you can get a laugh out of this. I am standing in the hall, kind of leaning on the railing and I hear my wife yell in a loud and angry tone "turn off the light!!". I say " hey , do you mind, I'm having some chest pain over here!! " . That just makes me laugh, it's a marriage thing.....
So, my wife gets up and tells me we need to go to the ER, and I say that I don't want to go and I'll go if the pain gets worse..........
Then my wife says" PAT, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ONE OF YOUR PATIENTS CAME INTO YOUR CLINIC WITH THE SAME COMPLAINTS??, YOU WOULD TELL THEM TO GO TO THE ER AND DON'T TRY TO TELL ME ANYTHING DIFFERENT!!"
That's right I practice medicine for a living (PA-C) and specialize in ER/URGENT CARE after retiring from the fire department where I drove a rescue squad as a medic for 20 years.....!!!
My denial about my weight problem was now being overshadowed by my denial that I was having a heart attack...........I refused to go to the ER and went downstairs and dug around in our medicine cabinet til I found some old nitro that had been up there for at least 10 years and was well past expiration............funny I kept that around just in case someone else had a heart attack.
Well I took a couple of nitro under the tongue and they did not relieve the pain so I told myself that I couldn't be having an MI, the nitro didn't change the symptoms.........wow, the denial is beyond words and after 39 years combined emergency medicine experience and knowing that the number one symptom of a person having a heart attack is.......denial......my denial in reflection would have to be considered "world-class".......!!!!!
Well, I slept in a overstuffed chair after the pain subsided some and still felt the discomfort a little into the next day...........but somehow I was still telling myself that I didn't have a heart attack........
But, now I was concerned in light of everything that was happening to me with my rapidly failing health.........I had now forgotten all about the chest pain...........but my wife really wanted to try to help me help myself; she sincerely wanted to know why , after all the hurdles I had mastered in my life, what was it that kept me from asking for professional help with dealing with my weight; why could she not even talk to me about my weight in a kind, caring manner without me getting angry or upset............why was the "weight" subject "taboo" with me. Why had a insisted that I could "do it myself" for over 40 years without succeeding????
I did some soul searching and decided to ask for help,...........I researched Stanford , where I had done my medical training and found , by the grace of God, Dr. John Feng a specialist in bariatric surgery. I talked to his assistant, Shelli Stoner, and she was just amazing.........I felt that she understood my struggle and I felt safe to make an appointment with Dr. Feng.
From the start ,I knew Dr. Feng was the right MD for me, we went right into discussion about surgical options and I felt that the "lapband" was the right choice for me.
He did a basic physical and talked to me for over an hour and a half.......I was "blown away".....where I work I am suppose to see a patient every 6-10 minutes........!!!
He sent me for extensive labs, Chest XR , and a 12 lead EKG right there in the building at the Palo Alto Medical Foundation, I was going to follow up with him after doing the huge wk-up that most of us get before surgery. All was normal until I had the EKG and asked the tech casually "can I take a look at that",.......I had forgotten all about my chest pain episode, but as I looked down at an abnormal EKG with "Q waves" and other evidence, I just about fainted.............I had suffered a heart attack...it can't be....not me...!! For a guy like me that does this for a living, the shock was beyond words.........I looked at the Tech and exclaimed "I've had a heart attack", she looked at me like I was some kind of a nut and went on her way.....
I was in the SF Bay Area and was going to see a movie to kill some time so the traffic could settle down before I drove the 200 miles + back home to Chico ,CA. I have to laugh because I must have looked like I was a "Zombie" out of "Night of the Living Dead" so something because I was just not functioning well at all............I pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater when my cell phone rings, it is Dr, Feng and I can tell he has "concern" in his voice. He says "Patrick",.......and be for he can say anything else , I interrupt him and say "your calling me about the "Q-waves" right?". He says yes and that he ran my EKG up to Cardiology and they say that I've had a heart attack............he wants me to see a Cardiologist as soon as possible...........well, my "personal denial" is one thing, but when it's confirmed , it really sinks in....!!
This is where it really gets good because after a half dozen serious heart tests, my heart is doing really well, seems that is is almost impossible to find anything wrong, just one area "anterior/inferior", which, by the way, if you are going to have a heart attack, is the best place..........basically, everything is normal and I am cleared for full function and activity.
I call this heart attack "MY PERSONAL GIFT FROM GOD" and I mean that sincerely, I have no coronary artery disease so I really should not of had the heart attack, I consider it a "spiritual intervention", that is what it took to get me here and I am grateful.
I have a nutritionist that also specializes in "eating disorders" and we are making great progress, I am going to have my surgery in 4 days and I am really excited about the changes that are in my future. I realize for the first time in my life that I can, with the right help and support, throw off this yoke of obesity that I have carried for so many decades..............
Thank you and God bless you all.
With love and caring, Patrick
