chellmg
Begining
Jan 04, 2009
Today i decide to write and to pray, and to explain all of me.
Well to start im counting down the days i have decided to have Gastric pypass surgery. I know , Iknow people that know me are not very happy about the choice. But i know this is what is gnna be the best for my health and my future. The date is set January 21, 2008. My current weight is 248. And im only 5'1. I never thought i would ever tell ANYONE that.
But it really got to me a year ago when i was in the hospital for pnemonia. And the doc said i was morbidly obese. WoW!!! it really got to me. Those words really got to me. so that was in November of 07. so after running lotts of test of my lungs and overies the topic came up one day of if I was ever intrested of havin weight loss surgery..... hmmmmmm...?? Thats when i got to praying. so in June I decided to try to see what i would have to go threw. July rolled allong and I got APPROVED!!! They wanted to do the surgery in september. but with lotts of other life changes i just didnt think it was the right time. So they moved it to november the week of thanks giving. It was on!!!! well i got to thinking, Im not ready. I have to have fried turkey for the last time. i know confesions of a fat girl. so we moved it to January. Besides I wanted to still read and get prepaired for it. and start the new year right.
I have seriously tried to diet in all those fad diets now a days. but as i keep gaining weight day by day my mind is still cruel to me. I cant stop thinking about being a large women the rest of my life like my momo. Or that mom that weighs half a ton on TLC channel. my nightmare is that im not gnna be able to get up out of my bed and im gnna have to have the fire department come and get me out. last nght i was tryin to explain this to leisa (my best friend, that has been threw everything with me and that has helped me so much) and she was in shock me expaining to her how i think. And I know alot of it is still having that sick Bulimic mind from my past.Im not throwin up now. Praise God!!!! But it doesnt mean i dnt think about it. But i will not do that cause all i think about now Bg, & my babies. I thank God so much for helping me and being their beside me. without him i would have already been dead. Or have been seriously ill. Throwing up is something i wish i would have never discovered. Oh the pain of my body, my teeth bleeding. and always seeing spots. its soooo not worth it. So being 31 now its a new time for me to do this right.
I worry so much about Melaina's weight and pray she never has to deal with being overweight. I hope she grows to be very healthy and has a totally difrent mind set on how to take care of herself. I know she will cause she tells me alot about how many fruits and veggies we need a day. and she is always so active in working out. she loves to run. Something I never enjoyed a child. And i have seen lots of children who are bigger as children and grow up to be perfect and healthy. And lots of children who are small or slim as children and grow up to be over weight. I also try my hardest to make sure she never feels the way my mom has made me feel growing up, or even today about being big. I KNOW God will help her growing up.
I know my personality is my life is an open book. But i feel strongly that their are limits and boundries to what people do need to know. I know its good for people to know whats going on so they can pray and support you. Buts its funny to watch people just turn their backs on you and totally not really agree or feel the loyalty to your friendship. Or even Defend you when they do hear others saying things they shouldnt. This has all just settled up to the way i have finally seen my life in the past couple of years.
I just dont think its anyones buisness unless i confide in you to help or pray with me. I dnt like to just blurt things out their for everyone to feel sorry for me or to even look at my results. And i know i seem the type "its all about me" but in different areas in my life I feel god is enough for me for him to know. My god is so great!!
I cant tell you how much I look foward to tryin to run on a tredmill or even to something silly as wearing cute panties, that dnt look like a car cover. And bras that dont seem like they would be for a huge Dolly Parton. I want to not have my thighs rub. and i want to sit without tugging at my shirt to hide my rolls. I would love to wear nice sexy heels to church or when bg takes me out. and i want to wear jeans that dnt hurt. I want to go to a resturaunt and not worry that i wont fit in a booth. Or stress that im not gnna fit at a ride at Six flags.
I have never been able to wear a full baithing suit, and I would love to get slim and toned and have bg and I go to Hawaii. I want to walk on the beach holding his hand. and have Beautiful pics of us from the beach together. And for him to be proud.
Well 18 days left to live in this ginormous body and to start to get prepaired for a life changing experience. Im ready!!!!
And thank you Lord!
0 comments
Well to start im counting down the days i have decided to have Gastric pypass surgery. I know , Iknow people that know me are not very happy about the choice. But i know this is what is gnna be the best for my health and my future. The date is set January 21, 2008. My current weight is 248. And im only 5'1. I never thought i would ever tell ANYONE that.
But it really got to me a year ago when i was in the hospital for pnemonia. And the doc said i was morbidly obese. WoW!!! it really got to me. Those words really got to me. so that was in November of 07. so after running lotts of test of my lungs and overies the topic came up one day of if I was ever intrested of havin weight loss surgery..... hmmmmmm...?? Thats when i got to praying. so in June I decided to try to see what i would have to go threw. July rolled allong and I got APPROVED!!! They wanted to do the surgery in september. but with lotts of other life changes i just didnt think it was the right time. So they moved it to november the week of thanks giving. It was on!!!! well i got to thinking, Im not ready. I have to have fried turkey for the last time. i know confesions of a fat girl. so we moved it to January. Besides I wanted to still read and get prepaired for it. and start the new year right.
I have seriously tried to diet in all those fad diets now a days. but as i keep gaining weight day by day my mind is still cruel to me. I cant stop thinking about being a large women the rest of my life like my momo. Or that mom that weighs half a ton on TLC channel. my nightmare is that im not gnna be able to get up out of my bed and im gnna have to have the fire department come and get me out. last nght i was tryin to explain this to leisa (my best friend, that has been threw everything with me and that has helped me so much) and she was in shock me expaining to her how i think. And I know alot of it is still having that sick Bulimic mind from my past.Im not throwin up now. Praise God!!!! But it doesnt mean i dnt think about it. But i will not do that cause all i think about now Bg, & my babies. I thank God so much for helping me and being their beside me. without him i would have already been dead. Or have been seriously ill. Throwing up is something i wish i would have never discovered. Oh the pain of my body, my teeth bleeding. and always seeing spots. its soooo not worth it. So being 31 now its a new time for me to do this right.
I worry so much about Melaina's weight and pray she never has to deal with being overweight. I hope she grows to be very healthy and has a totally difrent mind set on how to take care of herself. I know she will cause she tells me alot about how many fruits and veggies we need a day. and she is always so active in working out. she loves to run. Something I never enjoyed a child. And i have seen lots of children who are bigger as children and grow up to be perfect and healthy. And lots of children who are small or slim as children and grow up to be over weight. I also try my hardest to make sure she never feels the way my mom has made me feel growing up, or even today about being big. I KNOW God will help her growing up.
I know my personality is my life is an open book. But i feel strongly that their are limits and boundries to what people do need to know. I know its good for people to know whats going on so they can pray and support you. Buts its funny to watch people just turn their backs on you and totally not really agree or feel the loyalty to your friendship. Or even Defend you when they do hear others saying things they shouldnt. This has all just settled up to the way i have finally seen my life in the past couple of years.
I just dont think its anyones buisness unless i confide in you to help or pray with me. I dnt like to just blurt things out their for everyone to feel sorry for me or to even look at my results. And i know i seem the type "its all about me" but in different areas in my life I feel god is enough for me for him to know. My god is so great!!
I cant tell you how much I look foward to tryin to run on a tredmill or even to something silly as wearing cute panties, that dnt look like a car cover. And bras that dont seem like they would be for a huge Dolly Parton. I want to not have my thighs rub. and i want to sit without tugging at my shirt to hide my rolls. I would love to wear nice sexy heels to church or when bg takes me out. and i want to wear jeans that dnt hurt. I want to go to a resturaunt and not worry that i wont fit in a booth. Or stress that im not gnna fit at a ride at Six flags.
I have never been able to wear a full baithing suit, and I would love to get slim and toned and have bg and I go to Hawaii. I want to walk on the beach holding his hand. and have Beautiful pics of us from the beach together. And for him to be proud.
Well 18 days left to live in this ginormous body and to start to get prepaired for a life changing experience. Im ready!!!!
And thank you Lord!
