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OMG !! Nobody said that I would feel like I had been kicked in the stomach repeatedly after having surgery. I don't think it would mattered if someone had told me that, I would have still done it but OMG it hurts !! 

I expected some pain but not the amount I have had. Luckily it is finally starting to feel better. I have been trying to stay off the pain pills and take Tylenol in place but I gave up and am taking the pain pills at night so that I sleep well and it is helping.

I am on my first day of full liquids and I think that will help with some muscle repair so that the healing starts.

I do feel bad, my beautiful little girl is scared. She saw my staples and the whole from the drain and had a freaked out look on her face. She happened to walk into the room while I was getting dressed. She recovered well and said that I have to stay home and rest cause she did not want boo boo's on her stomach and neither did her friends.

Well its almost here.. I can not believe that its almost time for surgery. I feel like I have been working for this forever !! I started working on this in January and I can not believe it's almost here!

Yesterday I went to the hospital for my pre-op testing and got lost getting there, my stupid GPS had the hospital address wrong!! I was shocked that there were no signs for St. Peters only signs for Robert Wood Johnson- I did not know they were practically neighbors.. but I made it and it's done.

We had a birthday party for my husband's pseudo parents last night and it was great! I ate so much..I really only ate as much as all the small people but I have only been eating one meal a day for the last two or three weeks so having appetizers and then a meal made me stuffed ! I almost stayed home cause I was cranky from getting lost and the stress in general but I decided that I have to learn to deal with it... and I am glad I went! I had a great time, there were a bunch of kids there that my daughter loves to play with so it was fun watching her play. She is such a leader !! Somehow she gets the big kids to do whatever she wants, I am so happy she is so outgoing and is the leader in social situations.

Anyway I am rambling again... we are off to shop !! so we gotta get ready to go !! shopping sure beats staying home !

OMG !! I got my approval today !! I am so happy I can barely contain myself. I have been shocked by my office, they are so supportive- I did not think they would be so it makes me very happy that I dont have to worry about my office looking down on me cause of my descisions. I know it is stupid to worry about what other people think but I think it is one of the issues I have due to my weight, I think most overweight people have that issue, like they have to please people. I hope I get over it, sometimes I become people's doormat.

Anyway, very happy today ! I have an approval code YEA !!!

Its really funny, I have a date !! I have not had a date for 13 years- ok bad joke. I have been married for 13 years and I am so excited to have a date.

I finished my 6 months of torture on monday and went to the sugeon's office today and was given the date of November 10th 2008. I was a little upset cause I wanted to go to Morristown but they are not going there anymore so I have to go down to the Brunswick area to St. Peters but I think I would go to the moon if I had to!

Now my worries are what are we going to do with our daughter while I am in the hospital and who is going to help me when I get home. My husband had a small buisness and can not be away from work .. if he is there is no money.. So I will be in the hospital alone and home alone.. I have done it before and will do it again.

Happy day !

Well I finally went to my PCP to start my 6 month supervised diet. I think that is such a load of you know what !!! I really do think the insurance company makes you do it so you wont go thru with the surgery, they would rather you be fat and miserable than healthy !!! I took so long to get there cause it was harder to walk into my Dr's office and talk to them then it was to walk into a seminar by myself. I think it is cause you can walk into the seminar and never ever see those people again so if you dont want to you dont have to admit that you were ever there and you could keep living in your own fantacy world if you wanted to but to walk into your doctor (mine happens to be the Dr for all three of us, My Daughter, My Husband and myself) and its a Man... so it was really hard to walk in there and explain myself but I finally did it. I am halfway thru my first month so it looks like I will be able to get approval at the end of September so I hope to have my surgery in October. I stil think its a bunch of garbage..

The only good news is I am down 11 lbs since I went to my OBGYN in Jan.

I guess I am really going to do this. I am 33 years old and have a wonderful husband of 12 years and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I have thought about doing if for years but never had the guts to do it I refused to look at myself as FAT and realize that I needed help to get the weight off. I have been either FAT for as long as I can remember. My first memory of being fat was when I was in second grade, I remember a yard duty teacher telling me that if I wanted to be a pretty girl I would stop eating and play more so I would be thin and that boys dont like fat girls... I cried and got sent home, I never told my mom and dad what she said. The saddest thing about it is I did work out, I swam on a swim team and I was good!! I had tons of first and second place medals! I worked out 6 to 10 hours a week swimming laps and was still overweight. I continued that way till I was in 6th grade and my parents split up and things got worse, I kept putting on the pounds. By the time I graduated from HS and I was already over 200 lbs. I have continued gaining weight and went on many diets, gym memberships and cant get it off. I feel like such a failure that I can't do it on my own. At 320 I have to do something, I have a beautiful little girl who needs her mom, I owe it to her. 

Hopefully the Dr's office will call me on Monday with an appt that is not too far away so I dont loose my nerve. I almost did when I went to the seminar by myself. I was too afraid to make the appt when I was there. I am worried about the insurance, I have never taken prescription diet pills and I have not been to weight watchers in a long time, I recently signed up online as part of my new years resolution so I hope my BMI and history is enough to get me approved quickly so I dont loose my nerve. I am afraid to tell anyone at work that I am doing this, I work in a very small office and I am the office FAT Girl... and the Fat Girl of our group of friends.. who knows, I have to tell our friends cause I know my husband will need help with the baby while I am in the hospital..