CARROLL H.

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OMG I can't believe how LONG it has been since I have posted on here. I am doing well. I went through a LOT of hard times the last few years .. I have been put in rehab 3 times in 4  months for alcohol abuse due to my now ex-husband cheating on me and beating me... the more weight I lost, the more he got abusive...I think now it was a controlling thing..  I couldn't deal and self medicated by drinking ANYTHING I could get my hands on! ALL I wanted to do was wake up, drink myself into a stooper and go back to sleep so that I did NOT have to deal with the pain of being cheated on and HIT!!! I know now that isn't the answer to the problem.. the issues HAVE got TO BE resolved or things just REGRESS not progress!!! I lost a marriage and ALMOST my 3 kids from this STUPID act of drinking .. however I know now it was more situational then anything. I now have 2 of my 3 children and I can DRINK on a basis of having a RELAXING time instead of HAVING to just to sleep the blues away!! HANG in there you guys... they make us have psych. treatment before SURG. but REALLY we and OUR FAMILY and SPOUSES need it AFTER surgery... I love you all and hope I  can help just ONE PERSON out there.... LOVE YOU... CARROLL

Well, I went to my plastic sugery consult today. Needless to say I am SUPER excited to get this show on the road. I think all my problem skin will be resolved and I am looking at maybe having to have a hernia repaired. The Dr. said I will come home with a pain pump, THANK GOODNESS and that surgery will be about 8 hours. I hope to hear something in a few days! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Well, I am about to venture out into a new JOURNEY... PLASTIC SURGERY! I knew it was coming, and FINALLY took some steps to start the process. I had a wonderful Doctor contact me on here, Dr. Suber at http://www.subermd.com .. I meet with him next week on the 15th! I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I want this so bad (abdominoplasty) that is~! I will update as soon as I know something!

Well, I am almost a year out and ready to have some plastic surgey. I am trying to find anyone that takes medicaid for a "medically needed" tummy tuck. If anyone in the South Carolina area has any info. on Medicaid accepting plastic surgery please let me know! Thanks

Well, not a whole lot to report.. eating is somewhat improving, still having nausea most of the time and throwing up only a few times a week now. I can't eat more than a 1/4 cup at a time and can only manage 1 to 2 times a day eating. I do drink well though. Still not enough protein. I am trying. I had blood work done to check all my levels and it came back that I have low iron, that was not a real shocker, I kinda figured that would be. The Dr. called in a IRON pill to my pharmacy. Other that that, I am down from a size 28 (tight) to a size 14/12 (comfortable) in 7 months~ I only have 2 more pounds to go before I am  BELOW 200lbs!! I do not even know how long it has been since I was under 200lbs! I think I will be under 200 by JULY 1st!

I do have a lot of hanging skin and will deff. need to approach the aspect of a tummy tuck as soon as the Dr. says I can! Normally, he says at my year anniversary we can start the procedures for a medical necessary tummy tuck. I do have rashes and broken skin a lot and this is starting to drive me bonkers! It hurts and is not a pretty sight.

So, that is about all I have. Hope all you others are doing well out there.

FIRST OFF,  YES, I know I am writing in a color other than BLACK and a font LARGE enough that I can see... I am on a RANT fest today ( yes, I should prob. put this in RANTS and RAVES but this felt like a better place.. and only you guys, well, some of you guys know how I feel.

ok.. PROTEIN drinks, bars etc.. of any kind SUCK SUCK SUCK to me! I do not care what they are, I have tried them all, from Isopure to the Walmart kind and all the kinds in between. I think I have ordered EVERY sample out there and I can't even stand the "TASTE LESS" kind.. YUCK, I have had such a hard time eating, even now at almost 6 months out, that eating "PROTEIN" is still very hard. I NEVER get my daily amount in of VITMS, YUCK as well ( BAD BAD ME! ). I am TRYING to do better with them. I did 2 of my 4 "FUSION" multi. vitms. tonight and also 2 calcium with D3 tonight..and of course, my hair is FALLING OUT just if you look at it.. you don't even have to touch it and it is on the back of my shirt! But the vitms. and proteins.. BLAH.. I feel like I live on nausea meds and these vitms. make me have to do it more...

Well, onto the "CLOTHING" issue.. I am down to 1 drawer, YES, ONE drawer of clothes. I have NOTHING, and when I say NOTHING, I do mean NOTHING that I can wear out of the house that doesn't have a hole or rip or stain on it! I have plenty of FALL/WINTER clothes for this next winter but NOTHING for SPRING/SUMMER here is South Carolina... it is HOT HOT HOT already! I do NOT want to go buy clothes that I will only be able to wear a month or so..

I go to goodwill, yard sales and flea markets, but again, mostly things that have rips, holes and stains, nothing to wear out to anywhere nice. I do not have the means like some to just go buy .. I am trying to get by on hand me downs, which I do not mind at ALL, until FALL/WINTER gets here.. not that we really ever have a fall/winter, but cooler weather.

Spring/Summer clothes..Only one problem, I CAN'T FIND ANY!!! I even went to walmart yesterday for a bathing suit b/c ALL of mine are too big, which, of course is a good thing.. but, there was NOTHING that fit me!!! Everything was a 2/4/6 and a 22/24+... I need 18-14 clothes, XL-MED shirts and stretchy shorts and bathing suit I would say a 12/14  because a 16 is too big.. I have never had BOOBS and now I have even LESS boobs!

It is all just sooooo frustrating and there is NO WHERE else to vent but here with you guys that understand. ANYWAY, that is my RANT, maybe I should have posted in RANTS AND RAVES, but again, I thought you RNY people out there, and even others, would understand how I feel!

I did get some good advice on getting some simple Clothing and changing accessories to make it look diff. and I appreciate that.. as well as some other protein supps. I will look into.

Hope you are all having a good night.

Carroll

Sorry that I have not updated this in a while. I have had so much going on, that I just forget to think about me. I started back to college in April and life feels like it is ONLY full of homework.

I am still not able to eat much, or many things, but I am much better than a month or so ago. Ground beef is still really hard, as well as sausage and pork. Rice, pasta, breads, they are all hard for me. I don't get but about 1/4 cup at any time. Normally, I do not eat and when I see that I try to get a apple slice or part of a lunchable, just something, because if I don't, I stall. However, even if I just snack a little through the day, I drop weight. So everyone, eating DOES work!

I am still uable to get in enough protein and my hair is falling out very bad. I am not nauseated as often, however, I so still have to have meds. with me at all times for the nausea because I never know when it is going to hit.

My main problem is that I hate my scar from my 2nd surgery. It really sucks! Hope you are all hanging in there and I will try to update more often.

Carroll

Things are coming along. I have talked to my Doctors and also getting help for the Rx meds. I became addicted to. It has not been easy, because I want more than anything to have these medicines in me to help me get through the day...

On other notes... I am starting to feel a lot better. The top hole on my stomach is closed and the second one is not far behind. I am becoming more and more active now that I am not in so much pain. Everyday is hard, but, it gets a little better.


Not a long update, but that is all I have for now. Thanks everyone for your continued support.

***KEEP IN MIND,I USE THIS BLOG FIRST AND FOREMOST AS MY PERSONAL JOURNAL TO MYSELF ABOUT MY WLS JOURNEY! ***

LAP Gastric Bypass - NOVEMBER 23, 2009
OPEN surgery to fix twisted intestine and removed 2/3 of OLD STOMACH at 7 weeks post op

{ So now, I will be 13 weeks post op from 1st surgery in 2 days }


About 3 weeks ago, I ran out of pain medication before it was time to get a refill. Mainly I did this because I shared my medications with someone that had got hurt and needed it but did not have insurance to go to the Doctor, so, I did a NO NO and gave her some and ran out. I felt I would be OK because I WAS feeling a little better and I could go longer amounts of time without medication. It was 2 days without medication and I thought I was going to DIE. I had chills, sweating, all over body pain that would not stop, crying, screaming, unable to sleep, sit or get still at all, throwing up.. and the list goes on! I really really thought I would die! I came to the realization that I had become addicted to my pain medication. I got to thinking, I have been on pain medications for almost 3 months! I never thought about it before and never thought I would become addicted to it! I KNEW I did not EVER want this feeling again, so I made the conclusion that I was ONLY going to take my medications when it was AT LEAST 30 mins. past the time I SHOULD take it, AND, I was going to take LESS than what the Doctor said I SHOULD take. I was then going to gradually WEAN MYSELF OFF the medications and then NEVER take it again!!! I did NOT want the feeling of the withdrawals again. It really was a MILLION times worse then it seems when I read back over what I just wrote! I thought I would die! I thought I was going to have to go to the ER and tell them what going on and ASK to me admitted to a PSYCH. WARD and get some Doctors help to get over the withdrawals.... REALLY!



( the 2 holes on my stomach that I have to let drain and I have to pack until they heal from the inside out)

Well, then, I started to feel a tad bit better and tried to go the longer periods between rounds of pain medication. LOW AND BEHOLD something happens, the Doctor decided that there was another spot on my stomach that had fluid built up way down in my stomach aQ( about 5 cm deep, and that it wasn't healing right, so he had to cut me open, let the place drain and pack the hole until it heals. That was, again, the second spot that had to be done that way. This one however hurt MUCH MUCH worse than the first one. He then prescribed me the stronger liquid medication I had once had before, right after my first surgery in November. I went back to taking the medication more frequently than prescribed and I would take more than I should because I hurt so badly and if I took more, it would make it easier for me to go to sleep and sleep off the pain. I couldn't bear to even be awake because the pain was SO BAD!

Well, the pain is better. Not gone, not in the least, but it is better. However, now, I truly believe that I am addicted to the pain medications. The past 3 days I have tried to go longer and longer without the medication. I did really really good Thursday and Friday and ALL DAY TODAY, until just a little while ago. My husband changed my dressings and for some reason the pain was really bad tonight. I knew I had to go ahead and take my pain medication. It was time for it, but I was in so much pain, I couldn't help myself from taking double the amount I should have. Then, I sat the bottle down, and damn it, I picked it right back up and took another dose of double! I felt so guilty, so bad, I cussed myself out. I went in the bathroom, cried my eyes out. Fussed myself out some more, and thought I needed to start writing this down, here, in my blog. I had done so well, I thought, the past 2 days and all day today, and now I go and mess it ALL UP! I don't know if I can start over fresh tomorrow or not. If I try to go the longer time between doses, am I gonna feel like shit again? Am I gonna get chills or feel the all over body pain?

I know some of you that may read this are thinking, "It's just body pain, it can't be that bad!" Let me tell you, that withdrawal period was the worse pain I have ever felt. It is unlike any pain I have ever had before. It is so bad I WANT to NOT become addicted to medications.. Not that I shouldn't WANT to anyway, but, I am really trying here and REALLY AND TRULY having a HARD TIME coming off these medications. I am just at a loss. I don't know if some or ANYONE of you out there really ever read my posts, but if not, this is just my bLog anyway, and I print it to keep in a book about my WLS, but on the other hand, I hope there is someone out there that can help me before I really lose my mind and get to a point that I am worse off than I am now.

I just want to be able to STOP the medications and take them like they should be taken and stop when I should be able to stop and NOT have the withdrawals.


Anyway, I will continue my journey, I will continue to try and wean myself and not beat myself up to much more over this. I am trying to do the best I can, but if there are any tricks out there to get me through this that you know of, PLEASE, let me know!

Hope that this is a wonderful weekend for all!

Love and MANY many huggs.... CARROLL

WELL... I made it to 12 weeks post op ( from org. surgery ). I am starting to FINALLY feel a little better. Still do not feel normal. I still get sick almost every time I eat, but, it is getting less and less. Can't STAND ANY Protein drinks or shakes.. YUCK.. and can't eat much food without throwing it up, so I know I do not get the protein in I need...I can drink water now without a problem and a good full mouth full at a time, and that is such a great goal! I love actually feeling my thirst going away.. I know they say sip sip sip, but, when you want something to drink and you are thirsty, sip sip sip doesn't help.

I had to have 2 holes cut back open on my stomach on the staple line from the second surge so they could drain. It isn't fun because 2 times a day I have to have my husband wet pack them and it hurts very very bad. I have a home health nurse that comes 2 times a week and she said I am healing nice, but my holes are still very deep, all the way down to my muscle, so I hope they heal FAST!

I think I am going to have to wean myself off all these pain meds. before I stop because them for good. I went 2 days last week without meds. and I thought I would die! I was SO COLD, chills, headache, body aches, couldn't sleep, searched the house for ANY meds. I could find over the counter or not to curb the effects, but, all in all, it was with-drawls! It wasn't fun, so, I am going to have to do it slowly...


That's my update! Hope everyone else out there is good... much love...