cau_lady

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Ok so now that I have patted myself on the back for losing 80lbs.  As I stated before I had fallen off but I ahve gotten much better.  It is time to pump it up and maximize the weight loss.  I am halfway there to comitting, lol.  I have been walking everyday.  I will walk at work Monday-Friday for an hour.  Not all at once though.  I will walk for my 15 minute break in the morning, 30 minutes at lunch, and my 15 min break in the late afternoon.  I will go to the gym 5 days a week doing 30 minutes of cardio and on 3 of those days doing resistance for 30 minutes.  I will stop participating in all the eatin activities that occur at my job (for ex. the cake that was brought today)  I will make sure that I get ATLEAST 60 grams of protein or more.  I will stick to my 3 small meals a day and 1 snack (which will be fruit).  I will resist the temptation of going out to lunch with co-workers even though I looooooove getting out of the office!  If I am forced to eat out for whatever reason I will make the helathy decision that is available.  I am motivated more than ever and I tahnk GOD for this sudden burst of positive energy and motivation.  I also thank you all who have supported me throughout this 6 months.

Hey people!  I have new pics up!!! Besides that I finally got my 3rd fill.  I now have 6.5 cc's in my 100 cc band.  I am eating cream of chicken soup right and I am not happy bout it.  It taste good but right now I want a monte cristo sandwich, lol.  But it is ok because after seeing my now pics next to my past pics I am ecstatic and more motivated than ever to keep workin this tool.  I cant wait to say I have lost 100 lbs.  I have 20 more to go, and if I can act right then that will be gone by July! Pray for me ya'll, I'm tryin to make it!!!!!!!!!!!1

Well I have yet to have gotten a fill.  I do have it scheduled for Monday because I am off from work.  Fortunately I have started losing weight again and I ahve offically met my April goal of 275, so I am on target!  Even without the fill and being able to eat alrge amounts of food, I have been pretty strict about my portion sizes and concetrating on healtheir food choices.  I have also been doing a lot of walking.  But anyway I am 77lbs down and I will be at 6 months on next saturday.  Its a pretty damn good weight loss for 6 months BUT it could have beena lot more if I hadn't gone astray so many times, lol.  But oh well it happens to the best of us.  But thank the lord i am back on track!!!!!!!  
Other than that Im trying to understand why my bf is trying to convince me to have a baby like right now.  Crazy right, I know.  For 1. I have a long way to go on my weight loss journey and pregnancy would devastate my weight loss as well as be unsafe for the baby within 1 yr of my surgery for 2. I am not only paying back for the loan I took out for the surgery but also on student loans and he is currently a student (Not a smart financial decision), For 3. We are not married and I am trying to do thinngs inmy life that I consider to be in the right order (School, job, financial security, weight loss, marriage, then child) for 4. I am not mentally ready to have a child, i am 23 (soon to be 24) and I enjoy being free and being able to get up and go where ever whenever  . Honestly though my main concern is the weight issues.   I am doing so well and I def want to continue my progress and see how far i can go with this.  It is def worth a shot after spending 12,900 out of pocket right?

Ok so for one I am frustrated because I have been at the same weight for about a month! But other than that at the end of april will be my 6 month mark.  Crazy I know, I can barely believe this myself.  But anyway I have had 2 fills but it has become obvious that i need a 3rd fill.  Yesterday for lunch I ate a half a rack of ribs, some toritlla chips with spinach dip, and half a baked potatoe.  Now I did drink while I ate purposely to push the food down but still.  Thats a lot of damn food.  I have drank while I ate before and was still only able to get a little down.  But anywayt eh point is I must get a fil.  I also must get some type of damn control over my eating and exercising.  I have just gotten outrageous and its like i am sabotaging myself.  you would think someone wh had to spend cash to get theri surgery would get their money's wrth but I am just playin around.  Eatin up all this easter candy and people at work are always bringin donuts, cakes, and pies.  It is all so crazy.  i think i have officially given up on my goal of 170 lbs, no way will ever get there.  So I guess I will set it at 200 and pray and work harder than ever before.

Ok so the other day i was standing in a long line for approximately 2 hours.  During that time I started to get really hot and started sweating.  Ten I became dizzy and extremely weak.  Slowly my vison started getting blurry and my hearing started going away until the point of toal blackness and no hearing.  I believe this lasted for a few seconds.  Slowly my vision and hearing started coming back.  I was then able to remove my coat and fan myself but I continued to be very weak.  I wonder if this happened because of lack of nutrition.  Something in relation to my band.  Honestly I do start to feel weak a lot and have headaches.  The headaches feel like hunger headaches and ofcourse not hungry at the time.  This is so crazy.  But anyway other than I have been really feeling like giving up lately.  I'm just tired of eating healthy.  the food does not taste good, and I thouh lean cuisines would save me but this is not the case.  I have not been to the gym in almost 2 weeks, when I used to go everyday.  Its like I am really unmotivated and at the same time I wanna be atleast 245 by July.  I guess we shall see if this will really happen. 

I just knew it! The scale was a damn lie.  I just knew I was looki to huge and the lbs were movin down way too fast.  The freakin weight wacthers scale that i bought for 35 bucks has deceived.  I really have not gotten down to 270 it id really 282.   I knew the scale was off the chain when I stepped on it and it said 243.  I was like oh hell naw, it's time to get a new scale.  So I stepped on so m any scales in walmart and they all confirmed the same thing.  a weight o 282.  I guess this is still good considering this means I have lost a total of 67 lbs in 4 months.  I just knew that scale was wrong because when it was hittin the 260's and 250's I'm like um no cause I'm still wearin a tight size 22.  Well atleast I feel better now knowing how much I actually weigh and how much I have actually lost.  Atleast I am not far off from my goals.  I am sure by April I will be down to 275 and about 260 for my b-day which should put me in a 20, still huge ! Grrrr, will I never learn that patience is a virtue?

Although i ams till consistently losing weight I still am just hating the hell out of my body. Most of all what I hate is what my body has done my mind, my spirit, and my life as a whole.  Dammit if I were never this big to begn the self esteem wouldn't be so low and I wouldn't put up witht he shit that I do.  Living in this body has made me weak and has made a person who I don't like very much emerge.  I judt accpet all kind of bullshit from my current bf and the guys i have dated before him cause it is really difficult to even get a man to be interested in me.  I'm sittin here unhappy wih this relationship to avoid be unhappy alone :(.  I really think if I were the ideal looks wise this wouldn't be as much as a problem for me as it is now.  I really hope the freakin weight loss speeds up some more,lol even though it is already rapid.  Well atleast to where I can actually see a diff.  It is like what the hell 77 lbs and I can't see a diff.  Insane.

Hmmm I am wondering if my scale is broken.  I am in total disbelief of 67 lbs weight loss in 3 months and one week.  I mean 67lbs.  I dont know what scale to trust either...lol.  My scale at  home the weight watchers one says 285 while the old school back in the day scale (the one that you have to slide the thingy over until it balances) at work says like 299.  Thats a big diff!!! I notice that stepping on the scale in the mornings I am lighter as opposed to steppin on the scale after I have eaten something, but that is a significant difference in numbers.  i just really wanna know my true weight dammit! I know said I would stop weighing myself everyday but I have read some studies that show that women who step on the scale more often than women who don't tend to lose more weight because they are more motivated to work hard to change that number on the scale.  A little extra stress might be added on but the thing is we work out more and we eat healthier and change bad habits if we dont see the scale moving or its is moving but in the wrong direction.  And to me what makes sense is the more you see that number you wanna change (by constantlly stepping on the scale) the more exercising and eating healthier you do!  But anyway who knows how much I weigh,lol.  All I know is that I have lost a significant amount of weight.  Picturesof me at mardi gras will be coming soon, I just have to get them developed. 

Oh my god ya'll! the pounds are just freaking dropping off.  When I get out of a plateau I REALLY get out of a plateau!!!  I stepped on the scale today and it said 296!!!! Wow i am reaching my goals before the dates that I set for them.  I really hope and pray that the weight keeps coming off like this. I will continue to do what I am doing and work it out at the gym as well as pray, pray, pray!!!! Oh, and I gotta go get my mango margarita....lol

I am now down 50 lbs!!!!  So I am 302, really lose to my mini goal of 299, yeah me!!!! When I hit 299 I gota go get me a mango margarita at Chili's...lol. As soon as I get paid I will be purchasing a digital camera so that I can post pics.  I just got my 2nd fill on wednesday 1/23/2008.  They put 2 more cc's in.  So I now have 5 cc's in my 10 cc band.  So right I am still doing liquids cause I just had my fill.  I haven't even been hungry, I just make myself drink the protein shakes and soup, cause I know I have to put something in there.  I am still keeping up with my exercising.  I was going everyday but I changed it to 4 to 5 times a week, to give my body some time to rest.  Anyway like 3 people mentioned how much I have lost today.  They haven't seen me in a while and they were amazed.  I'm just like jesus, why can everyone see it but me!  I'm crazy I know, because 50 lbs is alot. Plus I can fit comfortably into jeans that I have not been able to wear in forever. Praise the lord for this band!!!!