Cathy614
Why do I never move forward?
Sep 21, 2008
My family was down for vacation in August. Got to see my siblings and their kids! Can't believe how much my nieces and nephews have grown. We had a blast going to Sea World and Universal Studios. It was HOT!!!!!! I think we should have done the water parks instead. Although I really don't feel comfortable in a swimsuit these days. It was a disappointment not being able to ride on the roller coasters at Islands of Adventure. Sigh..... but I ended up taking the kids that were either too short or didn't want to go on the roller coaster to some other rides. In the end, we all had a good time and I know that I will have many more chances to get to ride those roller coasters soon.
I got a nasty surprise from my PCP last week. I went in for my yearly physical and got the results of my bloodwork back. For the first time in my life, I had high blood sugars - enough that it threw my into the Diabetes II level. Yikes!!!!!!!!! I knew that I had been depressed about not having insurance coverage for WLS and I knew that I was literally eating my stress, but I was unprepared to find out I had turned myself into a diabetic. So I told my PCP that I wanted to have my bloodwork tested again in 3 months before end of year. I am hoping that I can work on lowering my blood sugars by then.
Gotta make some changes - both physically and mentally!
Roller coaster of emotions
Jul 08, 2008
Wrote the letter in all its embarassing details about how obesity (yikes - I still can't wrap my mind around that word) has effected my life and my family's lives. Included a page of references to back up my findings. HR person was pretty nice about calling Anthem BC/BS to ask about the rider, but was told that companies with less than 100 employees can not purchase the WLS rider. I still can't believe that! Ughhhhhhh! Jeez - talk about going up and down on an emotional ride!
So anyway - I am now researching about getting my surgery in Mexico. I guess now that I have made up my mind that I want to get the surgery - I want to get it done now. I am also scared of what might happen after surgery with any complications.
All the reservations about getting surgery in the first place are mostly overcome. My health has been declining for a couple of years now. I don't have the energy to keep up with my husband or kids. I have developed sleep apnea and my blood pressure is starting to hit the prehypertension zone. I recently found out that I have a herniated disk in my back and I have constant back pain due to sitting or driving alot. I have never thought about all these health problems when I was younger, now that I am in my 40's they are starting to catch up with me.
I am so embarrassed about my weight when I am out with my family. I can just see the thoughts going thru some peoples heads. Especially living where we do - very active people - very few overweight moms. I do feel ostricized at times because of my weight. I just have been in denial about all this extra weight for the last 20 years. We all have a mental picture of what we look like to others. I guess I still mentally picture myself the way I looked in college at about 160lb. It is such a shock sometimes to see myself in the mirror.
Soon - very soon - I will be getting back to the weight in my mental picture!
A mother's wish
May 11, 2008
It seems fitting on Mother's Day to start out writing about my journey to a healthier me. After all, my kids and husband are a big part of my motivation to lose this excess weight. My wish for Mother's Day is to become healthier, set an example for my 2 wonderful boys, and be able to enjoy activities with my family again. Oh yeah... and bring Sexy Back!
Celebrated Mother's Day by going to Carraba's for lunch. Got some golf balls, a plaque saying "mothers are angels in disguise", and a gift card to Starbucks. I love Starbuck's frou frou coffees. I think that will be the one thing I will miss the most when I get WLS. Small price to pay for a better, healthier life though.
Golfing yesterday with my family was mostly fun; however, it was also frustrating dealing with the back pain from being soooooooo out of shape. Hard to swing the golf club properly when you feel that searing pain all down the back. I am definitely paying for it today - can barely walk.
This past week has been a roller coaster ride. I thought my insurance covered WLS after reading our "certificate of coverage" only to find out that the coverage was changed almost 2 years ago but we never received a new certificate of coverage from insurance. I requested a written copy be sent to me and was told it will take 45-60 days to receive.
I still decided to attend Dr. Jawad's seminar yesterday. It was very informative and reinforced my decision to have the RNY surgery. I had read some posts with people saying Dr. Jawad was not very personable. I thought he was fine. Maybe he was having a good day yesterday or maybe I just spend too much time with engineering type personalities! Now I just have to hope we can convince DH's company to add a rider onto their insurance to cover WLS. Don't want to self-pay unless all other options have been depleted, but also want to get this surgery done this year.
I am going to set appt. with my PCP to start the 6 month supervised diet program, so if we can get the insurance coverage, I will be set with all the requirements. Didn't realize that I had to actually go the Dr. office every month for a weigh in and discussion of weight loss efforts. Already did the blood work & sleep test - found out I have sleep apnea and am trying to adjust to using the CPAP machine. Still need to see the nutritionist and psych consult.
I wish all mothers out there a very happy Mother's Day.
