BrownBlossom
I'm a 28 year old latina and currently am 348 lbs. I've been a big girl all of my life from kindergarten to college, but I'm ready to change my life now. I'm ready to be rid of the pain from the slipped disks in my lower back, from the grunting to stand up when I'm lying on the floor typing like I am now, from the strain on my knees, from the lost breathe, but mostly I want to be rid of the five-month periods that loom threateningly over my fertility if the weight isn't lost - and lost fast. Because I've been a big girl all of my life, I've learned to love it. I love my curves. I love my thick thighs and full arms. I love my fat ass and full cheeks. Somehow as a fat teenager it got into my head that my sexiness, my girl beauty, was gaged by the reaction I received from the opposite sex and number of sexual advances I received. By this meter, I am was and am still pretty damned sexy. I've always had men want to sleep with me, I have a fairly healthy sex life, I flirt like any other girl, I swish my hips like a supermodel on the dance floor and there is rarely a lack of hands desiring the touch these hips. My confidence is high. I'm a typical loud latina - and rather proud of that fact. I never shy away from standing up and being seen. I like attention. I'm a smart, sexy, somewhat funny (perhaps ridiculous) girl, and truly I'm not afraid to be the center of attention. I like it alot actually. But all of this makes this surgery harder for me. I've come to build quite a persona evolving around my huge hips. Who am I going to be when this is all over and the body I've learned to love is gone forever?. Will I still be the sexy sassy girl I've come to love in myself? I'm scared of the surgery in ways that reach far beyond post-op bleeding and the threats of anastezia. It's two months before my scheduled surgery and I'm already losing my boyfriend of six years. He "can't sit around and watch" me go through the surgery. I think he's scared he'll lose me because I'll be skinnier and I won't be able to resist the slew of men wanting to test out my new body. Ironically, he's losing me because it's clear to me now that he doesn't want to try out my new (to be) body. He'd prefer to keep me fat so that I stay faithful (ha!). Silly little man. The surgery hasn't even happened (to be honest I haven't been fully cleared by my insurance company as of yet) and already I'm losing unnecessary weight - go gastric! What I've been really concerned about lately is the reality that this surgery is fairly new and there is no documentation 20/30/40/50 years post-op. I'm young. I'd like to live a long full life. Will it be revealed to me in forty years before I become a grandparent, that I'll die young because of this procedure? Will we all start dropping like flies in 20 years? What are the real long term complications that could have a potentially life-threateningly impacts on my sustainability? But, while I may be scared of the effects of the surgery, I'm mortified of the effects of not having it. So, here I go. I'll bite the bullet and make the leap. Here's to my future, my very happy, healthy future. Cheers.
