birddream
Update: 1/13/09
Just a quick update to say that I've decided plastic surgery is not an acceptable risk for me, and I think the 30-day insurance policy that some doctors offer to pay "for you" is a gimmick to make you more likely to sign-on, when in reality, 30 days of coverage is way too brief to be effective, given such a significant procedure. I do believe this is a gimmick and it has turned me off of pursuing plastic surgery. All it takes is one complication at day 35 that is not covered for me to go bankrupt. My love handles and flabby belly aren't worth that.
Update: 1/7/09; 4 years 3 months post-op; minus 122 lbs
I just had my 4-year post-op check-up and I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I discovered it is possible to lose more weight after you have plateaued, as I have done, mostly by continued minor exercise with my trusty heart rate monitor. I'm telling you, people... no need to run for miles or work out for hours at the gym a week. Strap on your heart rate monitor (it's like a watch and a strap that goes around your chest) turn on some good funky dance music, get as naked as you want depending on present company or lack thereof, and just start dancing in your living room for 20-30 minutes. Make sure you attain a heart rate that is in the fat burning range (which isn't that much). I bring out a fan so even if I sweat, I don't get too sweaty. Do this a few times a week and you're golden. Ok, the bad news. My labs came back saying I'm slightly anemic, which usually means not enough iron, BUT my iron level is fine. Which means something else is causing me to lose blood or not produce blood. I likely have an ulcer, as I have noticed a burning sensation when I wake up in the morning and my stomach is empty. I go in for an endoscopy on Friday. I almost hope it's an ulcer, because if it isn't, it could be something more serious or not as treatable. Where I am right now mentally is wanting plastic surgery. My leftover tummy skin and flab is just not acceptable to me anymore. I've gone through too much and worked too hard to still have this unsightly flab apron hanging off my mid-section and I want it gone. I don't want a perfect torso. I want a normal looking one. I deserve that. I think everyone does. I'm still taking my vitamins and supplements, still drinking my water... I rarely get food stuck anymore. I'm just 4 years of success and feeling good. I'm 34 and I now weigh less than I did in the 9th grade.
Update: 6/26/08; 3 years 8 months post-op; minus 117 lbs
I can't believe I haven't posted an update in so long, but in reality I think I know why. Since the last update a lot has happened, good and bad. I'll start by saying the plateau I spoke about in the last update ended and I began gaining weight. But there's a reason for that: I became lazy with my obligations. I became overconfident that I could eat anything I wanted and not exercise and still not gain weight, but that wasn't true. For most of 2007 I barely exercised and ate too much, and I gained 14 lbs. After being that way for a while, I became motivated to work it off again, but I found it hard. At first. I tried to step up my exercise game and eat less, but those pounds I gained were clinging to me. Then I discovered a device that changed my life forevermore... one I highly recommend. The heart rate monitor. It's one thing to exercise and not know really how much effect it's having per workout. It's another thing to have a simple device strapped to you that has all of your personal stats programmed into it, and when you workout, actually tells you exactly how many calories you burned based on your heart rate and you KNOW it's accurate. Suddenly exercise became fun again. AND, I learned something amazing... that it doesn't take much to burn calories. Before the heart rate monitor, I thought that if I didn't go to the gym and sweat my butt off for an hour, that nothing mattered. With the monitor, I realized that I could do something as simple as dance around my house doing freestyle aerobics to music I love and after 1/2 hour I could burn 500 calories. I learned that mowing my lawn causes my to lose roughly 1500 calories each time. This made me not dread exercising anymore. I cancelled my gym membership. Once I began doing simple, brief exercises several times a week with the assurance that I was losing calories, I haven't stopped. Once I got back into regularly exercising, it was much easier to begin to feel motivated again to make healthier eating choices. So now I can say I've lost the 14 lbs. I gained back plus 2 more lbs. And, I've maintained that for a few months now. So here's the bottom line - you must exercise some each week this far out in order to maintain or lose more. How you exercise doesn't matter, but I can't say enough how much that heart rate monitor helped, to get me moving. I eat whatever I want, and how much I want... as long as I keep up with consistent exercise, and am concious to some degree of my food intake, I have found a way to finally be successful at maintaining, and who knows... maybe I'll keep losing more! Exercise. Buy a heart rate monitor. Mine is a Polar Fitness heart rate monitor... it was under $100 and worth every penny. Although I had a year of gluttony that was my fault, I'm back on track and Dr. Anez will be proud of me when I go in for my 4 year post-op checkup!
Update: 10/8/06; 2 years post-op; minus 109 lbs
Wow, I probably haven't re-read all of my entries since my last one over a year ago. The surgery is so far removed from my thoughts. But I thought I should write today to document what it's like for me two years out. I definitely lost all I was gonna lose as of my last entry one year ago, which is fine, but it wasn't until right around now that I'm beginning to see...it's possible to re-gain weight. For the past year I'd hover 2-3 lbs. above my magic bottom number but always return to it. This week I'm 5 lbs. above and I'm not returning to the magic bottom...my magic bottom has now moved 5 lbs. higher. That's not acceptable to me, so I'm gonna do my best to change that, but this is where the normalcy of life post-op becomes too normal. I'm eating too normally, not paying attention as much to when I'm full, eating too quickly...those old patterns have returned. I think another major factor to the weight gain is the amount of alcohol I consume. When I'm socializing with friends I can still throw down as I always have, just now my hangovers are worse. My self-image overall is obviously much better, but I still find myself scowling at my remaining belly which is one thing that hasn't changed. It won't go away. But a lot has gone away, hopefully forever. I still take all my vitamins/supplements - that is a no-brainer. I have to push myself to go to the gym...I'm getting there on average maybe once or twice a week. All that matters now is that I maintain... (minus this recent 5 lb. mishap). I'm still happy as ever that I did the surgery. I'm no longer defined by my obesity. I can tell people treat me better now that I'm no longer obese. It's hard to describe how or why...I guess you can just read people's faces and notice that overall people are more comfortable talking to you...looking at you. People don't avert their eyes as quickly. People are more apt to smile when talking to you and seem more pleasant. You can just tell. If there's one thing I would want to stress two years out, it is how forgettable the surgery is/was. I eat anything I want...there is no food I cannot eat...I just get full faster and wind up eating a normal portion. Food is still a great love and I still eat what I crave, but there is no longer this obsession to scarf down as much food as I can in one sitting. I'ts just not on my radar. The only thing that serves as a remote reminder of my surgery is the barely noticeable, almost fully faded 2 inch scar on my upper stomach, feeling full after eating a normal amount of food and taking a few extra pills everyday than I used to. Sometimes I'll get mail from the company that provided my CPAP machine and I think it's junk mail...I forget that 2 years ago almost to this day I was strapping that ghastly machine to my face every night just trying to get a good night's sleep. It's so much in the past.
Update: 8/29/05; almost 11 months post-op; minus 112 lbs
As you can see by the numbers, I'm either still in the same plateau I was in June, or I've lost all I will. If this is the end, I wouldn't be surprised. I have not been perfect these last couple of months, but I'm not going to get down on myself - I'm just telling it like it is. But I regret the fact that I know I eat things I shouldn't eat, and I drink alcohol. I'm not supposed to be living this normally. Honestly, it feels like I never had surgery. The only thing that's changed is my portions, but still...I eat stuff I have no business eating. And up until now my only consequence has been staying at the same weight, but I'm afraid if I keep it up, I'm gonna start gaining. I'm totally satisfied if this is all I lose, but there's no way I'm allowing myself to gain. Why do I let myself eat what I eat then? Don't get me wrong, I'm not downing burgers, fries and milkshakes or anything. But I'm not giving it my all anymore. It doesn't mean as much to me as it used to. I don't even think about the surgery much anymore. I'm not purposefully saying I don't care anymore, but my actions show I don't care as much. I realize someone who hasn't done the surgery might be scared from doing it because of this entry. But I'm writing this for me, not them, and this is where I am now. I'm documenting the good and the bad. It's a bad time for me now. I feel unmotivated and undriven. I guess plateaus can do that to a person. It doesn't help that I was home sick and didn't go to work today, so I vegged, slept and ate more than usual. But I always end on a positive note and here it is. I haven't weighed what I weigh now since I was 16. I've lost an entire person. Although my body still doesn't look that great unclothed, I look like a normal, average man with clothes. I'm not obese anymore, maybe a little pudgy in the gut, but not obese. It's an emotional low, but this is exactly what all those books warn about. The physical battle is almost won. Now the emotional battle is waged.
Update: 6/13/05; 8 months post-op; minus 107 lbs
I'm in the dreaded plateau phase where I'm not sure if there's more weight loss to come or this is it. I know I've fallen back into old habits in that I'm eating more than I should, and stuff I shouldn't be eating. I need to recommit to what I'm doing here. I know what to do, and I'm not sabotaging myself by any means, but I just need to tighten up and start working harder. Part of me is so happy with how far I've come that I've grown indifferent as to the journey that still lies ahead. I do not want this to be the end of my weight-loss...I have a good 30 more pounds I want to lose, and I'm hoping with a little more effort, patience and luck I'll start losing again. On a positive note I'm still doing just about perfect with all of the vitamins, water, supplements, and exercise. Who would have thought a typical workout would involve running for 30 minutes non-stop and covering 2.5 miles in that time. I run. I put my CPAP machine into storage. Maybe I'll sell it.
Update: 3/10/05; 5 months post-op; minus 87 lbs
Weight loss is slower now, which is ok and something I expected. It just motivates me even more to go to the gym and step up my routine, and watch what I eat. I never thought I'd enjoy running, but that is exactly what I do now. Running used to be my idea of hell, but now it's something I almost need to do to get my heart rate in it's target range, because I'm so much more physically fit. Another nice thing that is happened is that my phase of food getting stuck frequently has ended. I think I must have had some scar tissue built up that for a while was giving me trouble, but now I don't find myself with that uncomfortable feeling nearly as much. I can pretty much eat anything now. It's surreal to me to think that I'm only about 40 lbs from my goal weight.
Update: 2/1/05; almost 4 months post-op; minus 73 lbs
This past weekend was a shopping miracle. I went to the mall with meager hopes. I decided to make a move on Express Men, which has really nice clothes and I immediately saw some jeans that I wanted but they biggest size they had was 38. So, I picked them up and took them to the dressing room, not too optimistic. Well I put them on, and they fit like a charm. Then, the sales guy picked out a shirt to wear and suggested another pair of jeans and I told him to give me a size 38, but he misheard me and handed me a pair of size 36. So I almost handed them back, but I thought, well maybe I should try them on and sure enough, the size 36 jeans fit me even better. So here I am, buying all of these fashionable clothes, spending money I don't have, and loving every minute of it. I looked GOOD and I felt amazing. I needed that fashion trip, because it has re-engergized me, to get to the gym, to keep eating well and my self-esteem is going up and up.
Update: 1/24/05; 3 1/2 Months Post-Op; Minus 70 lbs
After a period of a pseudo-plateau, meaning I still lost, but a little more slowly, I'm finally at an even 70 lb. loss. I'm going through a little bit of a tough time in terms of motivation. The routine is becoming a little old. Things aren't as exciting right now. I have to push myself a little harder now to go to the gym or to make sure I'm getting all my supplements in. But reaching the minus 70 lb. mark has given me a little boost. Only 50 more pounds to reach my personal goal.
Update: 1/6/05; 3 Months Post-Op (exactly); Minus 62 lbs
Well, the holidays culminated into the most compliments at once and the greatest positive reinforcement of my weight loss. I saw friends and family many of whom have not seen me since my surgery. After another mad shopping spree I was dressed to impress, and I got many a rave. The pinnacle was walking into Guess and Calvin Klein and buying clothes. As the greatest x-mas gift to myself, on x-mas day I got on the scale and for the first time in probably 10 years I moved the 250 weight on my doctor's scale down to the 200 mark. I crossed the 250 barrier once thought to be unimaginable. Losing an even 60 lbs. by x-mas was another great milestone.
So after the holiday buzz, it's back to regular old life. No more parties, time off from work, it's back to the grind. I find myself adjusting to the normalcy of life now. Now for the most part, everyone who knows me has seen me, and nowadays my weight loss is not "new and exciting" anymore. I'm only half-way to my goal weight, but now I figure getting there is more up to me than ever. The first 60 lbs. I can credit the surgery, and I probably would have lost it even with the slightest effort on my part. But the next 60 is all me. What I lose now is in my hands, and luckily I've made some great lifestyle changes that are now a matter of routine. So, in the next months as I move through the dead of winter, longing for spring, but knowing its too far away to even think about, I'm relying on my routine and good habits to continue my weight loss and quest for health. 2004 has to have been the greatest year of my life. 2005 could be even better.
Update: 12/20/04; 11 Weeks Post-Op; Minus 55 lbs
I was surprised I only lost 3 lbs this week. I'm not disappointed, but I just thought it was gonna be a big losing week. Maybe I'm nearing a plateau. I jogged for the first time in say, 8 years. Before the surgery, jogging was not an option given the condition of my knees and the strain of all the weight. I actually did well, and my heart and lungs kept up just fine. It showed me that I'm getting more physically fit, not just that I'm losing weight. The only bad thing is that my quadriceps were not ready for jogging just yet, so I'm walking around today like a zombie. I even slathered on the Ben-Gay last night and it did nothing except make my clothes and bed smell like menthol. I think I'll need to take it easy tonight.
Update: 12/14/04; 10 Weeks Post-Op; Minus 52 lbs
I was lying in bed and I could feel my ribcage. Then I went to itch my leg and I ran into something which I think they call a hip bone. Yesterday I was shaving and I hit something called an adam's apple. It's been a long time since these old relics have surfaced. I went through all the holes in my new belt I only bought one month ago. On a sad note, it's hard adjusting to not being able to have a drink socially at the many holiday get-togethers. But it's a trade-off I'm gladly accepting. So far I've lost the weight of my 7 year-old niece. I can't imagine I've been carrying the weight of her all this time.
Update: 12/6/04; 10 Weeks Post-Op; Minus 49 lbs
I've never lost this much weight at once in all of my life. It's surreal. I'm so glad I did this, and so far it's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I don't have horrible cravings. I'm never ravenously hungry. I just do my thing and the rest happens naturally. I know I've still yet to reach the dreaded plateau, but I won't worry about it when it happens. Every pound off of me is a blessing, no matter how long it takes.
Update: 11/30/04; 9 Weeks Post-Op; Minus 45 lbs
Having gotten back into the swing of things with work and all, I've been slacking on the updates. I wonder if anybody actually reads this anyways. It's official, my weight loss is now noticeable to all. But when I look in the mirror, I don't see a drastic change yet. I don't say that in a self-depricating way, I just am waiting for more results visually. I'm still learning what foods are safe and what is not, and I have to keep reminding myself to eat slowly and CHEW CHEW CHEW. Buffalo wings are not my friend anymore.
Update: 11/10/04; 1 month 4 days Post-Op; Minus 35 lbs
This week was my wake-up call, with tonight being the pinnacle. I've grown lax with making sure I'm eating slowly and chewing carefully. For 3 days in a row now I've caused myself the horrible feeling of having something stuck, and felt the overwhelming chest pain and salvating. But tonight was the first time I've vomited, and it wasn't fun. I felt extra hungry when I went to fix dinner, and I snacked a bit on my dinner while I was heating it up (probably when I wasn't careful to chew) and half-way through I got that pressure in my chest, only this time it got worse and worse, until I was collapsed at the toilet, almost begging to vomit. But when I did it was violent and although it caused immediate relief, it started to slowly build up again and I vomited again, this time even more intensely. The whole ordeal lasted about an hour. My face is now red and I have litle red dots around my eyes which I think are broken capilaries. After about 10 very violent hiccups, I think whatever is stuck is now free, and I'm sipping on refreshing tea, writing this. As terrible as this experience has been, I'm so glad it happened, because I needed to be reminded the hard way to RESPECT THE POUCH. I got too reckless with it.
On a positive note, I returned to work today wearing new, smaller clothes and I received a lot of compliments from coworkers and clients. I'm glad to get back to the work I love and to move on with my life. This tea is really making me feel better. I think it's God's medicine.
Update: 11/1/04; 26 Days Post-Op; Minus 31 lbs
Another great week. Not feeling much hunger, not having much cravings. I'm exercising everyday, drinking my protein, and am starting to mentally prepare for returning to work. I seemed to have dumped twice, but I'm not sure if it was due to the food or if I ate it too fast. But both times it was the same in terms of symptoms: EXTREME discomfort in my chest...like somebody punched me as hard as they could in the chest. Although I feel like vomiting, and wish I would during these episodes, all I do is accumulate saliva and spit. Sounds gross, I know, but I'm grateful that this happens, because it sure is a deterrent. Tomorrow is my 3-week follow up appt. and Thursday is my follow-up with my nutritionist. I'm hoping to earn back some more privledges.
Update: 10/25/04; 19 Days Post-Op; Minus 27 lbs
I've had another week of firsts, some good, some bad. The good news is my cravings have subsided, so I feel a lot more hopeful. I bought my first new clothes since the surgery from regular stores. I can now wear XXL, and my dress shirt size has dropped a half, and my pant size is down one size. I'm doing well with my daily routine ie. getting all of protein, vitamins and supplements in, as well as daily exercise. Surprisingly, weight loss has cured my allergies! I used to wake up every morning very congested, but these days my head is clear. I didn't know that could be a weight-related thing. On a bad note, I dumped for the first time yesterday, having consumed too many rice noodles and a sweet peanut sauce in a vietnamese restaurant. I was on the toilet for the rest of the evening, but at least I didn't vomit. In fact, I have never vomited to this date since the surgery (knock on wood.) I'm glad I did this surgery thing. Life is much more normal now...and pain free.
Update: 10/16/04; 10 Days Post-Op; Minus 19 lbs
Things seem a lot brighter now. Got my first psychological reward last night when I tried on one of my fashionable shirts that was too small for me pre-op and now it fits perfectly. Some friends came over to visit me and we played board games. They drank beer. I drank my Isopure protein drink. Another thing great was yesterday I got myself some take-out Indian food! The indian spinach with the cheese cubes (every restaurant has a different name for it) is already pureed and the cheese cubes are the protein. What could be more perfect? I feel more like a normal person now, and not so deprived, because I'm eating more normal foods. Pureed foods does not have to mean baby food. Here's a tip for those that can't stomach a thick protein drink (like me): Do not blend them with a blender, as this adds a lot of air and will cause bloating. Instead, stir well but gently with a fork when mixing. It might take a bit longer, but it's worth it.
Update: 10/12/04; Six Days Post-Op; Minus 16 lbs
Well, I'm on the other side now. The surgery went fine. My stay at Inova Fair Oaks Hospital was comfortable. (I highly recommend a private room.) I thought the nurses could have been a little more available, as it seemed like there was only one nurse and a couple of techs attending to the whole ward. The nurses were not as friendly as I expected, although the techs and other staff were very friendly. One thing I'd like to warn people about, something I never gleaned from all of the research I did before the surgery: it's very difficult to urinate after surgery due to the morphine. It seems trivial, but this became an issue for me as I found myself straining so much to relieve my bladder that I put undue stress on my wound and my abdomen in general. I knew I was also risking damaging my new pouch or giving myself a hernia which was very stressful. I could have requested a catheter, but I was trying to avoid that for obvious reasons. It really helps to have a pillow with you to hold against your stomach while you are using the facilities. I was discharged 3 days later and that day I was feeling really good physically. However, these last two days I haven't felt as good. My biggest problem is feeling so nauseated by all of the vitamins, supplements and swallowing crushed meds. I have had no appetite, which I guess is good, but I've also felt a general sense of malaise, and I worry that if it hasn't even been a week and I'm already disgusted with protein drinks, how am I gonna drink them for the rest of my life? If somebody has any tips about getting my protein in (favorite brands, recipies, etc) I'd appreciate it. My biggest complaint is not so much the taste, but the consistency and that they are too sweet. I'm looking for something not so thick. I tried blending it and it added so much air to it. One thing I have figured out is the calcium citrate situation. Kal's Crystal Calcium is the way to go. Just 1/2 scoop in some herbal tea and you can't even taste it. Although I hate to admit it, I have noticed what I can only describe as cravings for the food I love. I guess that is normal. And I know there's no way I can act on it anyway, nor would I want to, but I recommend not watching the Food Network on your first day home. It's amazing to me after going through all of this that I still have those fantasies of gulping down an Indian or Thai feast. It shows how powerful this disease is. Even with the recent "blah" feeling, I'm still optimistic that it will soon pass and I'll be enjoying the new me much more.
Three-Weeks Pre-Op:
I'm ready for a change. I've tried to make the change on my own, but finally had to accept that I could not do it on my own, and it wasn't my fault. It's like trying to swim against a current that is too strong, and there's a waterfall not too far down stream. My surgery will give me a row boat to paddle my way up the river, away from danger...but I'll still have to row. It's not going to be a cure, but it makes the impossible possible. When the thought of surgery first crossed my mind I was very excited, which quickly turned to extreme shock, sadness, and anxiety about what I was really getting myself into, but I'm happy to say that the next phase brought a calmness and a peacefulness that this is the right thing for me. Even if everything goes wrong, I'll know in my heart that I made the best decision I could at the time. Now, I'm ready to start my new life and to be reborn, which is virtually what will happen as I learn how to eat again, adopt new lifestyle changes and renegotiate my priorities in life. Who knows what my new life will bring me, but I'm very excited to soon find out.
