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Its been tough getting use to Rusty not being around.  I honestly have been avoiding the house.  I have been working late or spending money.

I tried holding off on buying clothes, but mine got so baggy on me I had to buy some.  I went to this store called Lucy, it was nice.  I ended up spending 300 dollars.  I actually fit into a size 14!!  I'm excited. 

I have been stalled a little bit.  I have been exercising alot lately.  Lena and I have been going on 5K walks.  This week we did the Bark in the Park for the anti-cruelty society for dogs.  It was hard, Rusty was suppose to go and I ordered a t-shirt for him.  I ended up seeing another German Short Hair pointer and giving her the t-shirt. 

Our time got better this week.  We did the 5K in 52 minutes.  Our last 5K we did 56 minutes. 

I am also walking at work with Becky.  We walk for about 30 to 40 minutes a day.  We have been good, pushing eachother when we don't want to go.

I wonder if that is why I am stalling, because I am gaining muscle instead.  I feel good and my clothes fit good.

Overall I am doing good.  I'm happy with myself and am enjoying exercise.

My beloved pet Rusty

Rusty joined his other four legged friends in heaven yesterday.  He was very sick and had metastatic prostate cancer and severe hip dysplasia.  I enjoyed having Rusty in my life for 12 years.  Raised him from a puppy.  I will miss him following me everywhere and not being able to be in a room without me.  He was my shadow, I will miss that closeness and needing someone to be dependent on me.

I'm excited for the first time in 5 years I am less than 200 lbs.  The weight seems to be coming off at about 3 to 4 lbs a week so far and I am happy about that.  However I have still had problems with keeping some food down.  I have been living off protein drinks and pintos and cheese from Taco Bell.  Sometimes when I eat other foods like ground turkey or salmon I get sick afterwards, like an hour or two afterwards.  I don't know if that is considered dumping or not since it is not immediate.  It seems to happen after I start to drink fluids again, 30 minutes after my meal or more. 

My friend and I have signed up to do 5K walks this summer, next week we have our first one.  There are about 2 to 3 per month that we are going to try to do.  We are excited about getting the T-shirts for participating, almost like little trophies.  I have been doing mostly work exercises, like moving furniture and cabinets and such.  I would like to get into a regimen of exercising but I am so lazy.  I still really enjoy sleeping and I have been working late several days a week, so it makes it hard to exercise at night.

Today I plan to go for a walk with my dog, Rusty.  I think that I will at least plan to do that in the mornings and see how that works out.

Well its the end of February.  I lost 17 pounds this month, 8 lbs shy of my goal of 25lbs.  I still think that is good.  I've lost a total of 36.2 pounds since I've started my pre-surgical diet on Jan 12th.

I've been having some probelms with food, well mostly diary.  I have switched to Lactaid.  Although I really enjoy the Atkin's protein shakes but have had to chew the Lactaid tablets before drinking and I still have an upset stomach.  So I've stopped drinking it, but I find a hard substitute for an easy to carry instant drink to take to work.  I was given the advice to switch from Whey protein to Soy.  I tried some soy protein and did not like it at all.  I will have to try it again, maybe not put it in the blender, I don't know if that made it too thick or what.  I will have to play around with it this weekend.

I have had some episodes of belching and what I consider "gurgling" after eating some foods.  Like one night I made Salmon, I dont' know if it was the Pam I put on it or what but I started to feel upset, my chest was hurting and I did that gurgling thing where it felt like air bubbles were coming up from my stomach.  I did get that warm, watery feeling in my mouth like I was going to throw up.  I even went into the bathroom and sat on by the toilet on the floor because I thought that I was going to hurl. 

I think I have been overdoing it with the food.  I forget to eat slowly and I do not keep aware of when I feel full.  I am starting to listen to my body and keep in mind that I will have to eat slower.  Sometimes though I get these episodes even 30 minutes after eating.  I will have to call the doc and see if that is dumping or what.  I have not had diarrhea and I have not actually thrown up.

My surgery site has finally healed and I do not have any drainage any more.

I'm wondering though if I will ever be able to eat food.  Like dinner, chicken and veggies and keep them down.  Maybe this is just a learning curve.  I hope it doesn't last long.  I think too my expectations are a little high.  I am only about one month out of surgery.

I have not started to exercise.  I really am feeling the need to do that.  I have a hang up though.  I don't want to do it in front of my husband and we do not have a private area in which I can do this.  He leaves for work shortly before I do and comes home before I do.  I will have to get over my embarrassment and just do it I suppose.

I have been planning on doing 5k walks with my friend, so far I have about one to two a month that we can participate in.  I am kind of excited about this.  We are trying to train ourselves so that next year around this time we can do the "hustle up the Hancock".  Its a fundraiser and you walk up the stairs in the Hancock building here in Chicago. 

I will have to get back and write some goals for March later. 

Well yes I sort of stalled as far as day to day goes, but if you look at the week in progress I did very well.  I think that I have to let go and stop weighing myself everyday.  This week I was also worried about stalling but from Sunday to Sunday I have lost 4 pounds.  I will cut down and weigh myself on Sunday, Tuesday, Friday only.  Maybe that way I won't get discouraged when I see the day to day numbers fluctuate. 

My first week of work was tiring.  I worked late 3 days in a row and Saturday I took a four hour nap.  I think that I was exhausted.  Hard to get water in, I got really thristy and found myself gulping.  I never got an upset stomach though but I am trying to be more aware of stopping and taking small sips.

I am excited for this week.  I get to eat fish and some veggies.  I need to call and get more instructions but I think that this will give me more options. 

I think I had a dumping episode yesterday.  It was late in the evening and I had just drank some of the Special K protein water.  I only took about one sip and then felt like shit.  I didn't throw up, I tried to walk it off and force myself to burp, it finally went away and I went to bed.  That felt terrible.

I think I've stalled?  Since I've gotten home I have been spotting and now its a little more than before so I don't know if I am having my period or not.  Before I never missed a period so I guess I didn't get to the point of not ovulating.  So I guess I'm wondering whether or not I am bloating and retaining water from the period or if I have stalled with my weight loss.  The last two days I've stayed at the same weight so I'm kinda disappointed.  I shouldn't get myself down I am down from my original weight.  I like it will be much better when I get to work, hopefully then I won't think about it.  I know in the past though I would get frustrated easily and give up.  I don't think this will be the case.  I need something to get distracted from focusing on this. 

Last two days have been okay.  I've experienced with more food today.  I tried the cream of broccoli soup without the broccoli, that was good.  I liked it better than the cream of chicken.  I also tried fried egg whites with Pam and a little salt and pepper.  I was able to stomach those more than the others I had the other day.  I made some protein pudding today.  I don't know how it will taste I have to wait for it to set in the fridge.  I just followed the directions on the box for the cook and serve FF/SF chocolate pudding, adding 1 scoop of the chocolate protein and 4 oz. more of skim milk.  10 g of protein per serving.  Well tomorrow is my last day home from work.  I do have the weekend off, but I do go back on Monday.  I guess it will make time go by faster.  I do focus on the numbers (weight loss) when I'm home.  I weigh myself everyday and today I got a little disappointed when I had lost 0.4 pounds.  It almost gives me defeating thoughts, but I have to remember I am only 2 weeks out of surgery.  I have my treadmill out but it is just there collecting more dust.  I have to get into a routine.  I would like to go walking at work on my lunch time.  I should start at home.  I did get out and do something today.  I went to the stained glass place around here that I hadn't checked out yet.  The owner was really nice and helped me with my problem that I am having with my recent project.  I signed up for a class, which I am excited about because she does her glass projects a little different than I was taught I am would like to learn another way to see what works best for me.  I have had this project that I had been working on since last May.  I got frustrated and then I guess lazy.  So the class will help me to get off my butt.  I wished I like exercise that much.  I can't wait to try my pudding.

Okay so today was much better.  Although I did not get all my protein in today.  I did try some more foods on my list today, like eggbeaters and some fat free cheese.  I ate slowly chewed well and everything went down okay.  I can't get myself to throw it in the blender and puree it.  I only ate a tiny bit, was really bland and I wasn't really enjoying it.  I did have some yogurt to replace that and that was alot better and drank Special K protein water today.  I didn't have that uncontrollable hungry like yesterday.  I am not sure what the difference was.  Maybe that's what happens.  I didn't get to talk to the office today, I went shopping alittle and then felt really tired and came home and slept for a couple hours.  So far for my goal of losing 25lb in February I have lost 5.6lbs.  That is excellent considering its February 5th.  Have no plans for the last few days home from work.  Just take it easy.

Yeah, my appetite finally came back.  It feels as if nothing went on inside my body (as far as surgery goes).  I did get down 80g of protein, I tried a little creamed soup only about an ounce, did jello and a couple sf popsicles (NO not all at the same time)  I'm not sure how I like the cream soup, I ate it very slowly, the smell was funny, it didn't upset the pouch but I had to stop.  I am drinking water and a little later I will have some applesauce.  I'm gonna call the office tomorrow with support and go over again what my diet consists of, I have the list, but do have questions.

Besides the hunger today was okay.  Did alot of work to put ads out for the apartment I have for rent.  I bought a two flat house last year and me and my husband live on the first level and rent out the second.  So far its been pleasant, except when it goes to finding tenants.  Let's pray it doesn't take long this time.

Tomorrow it is going to snow about 6 to 10 inches.  Not that excited, especially when we have about 4 inches already.  We really are getting dumped on this year in the greater Chicagoland area.

I was getting a little anxious today.  I have to go back to work next Monday!  I know its 6 days away but it will go by quickly.  I plan to use the treadmill more and more throughout the week to get my energy back up to deal with the stress of work.  It's always hard coming back from a vacation or a day off.  Everyone comments and almost makes you feel guilty for leaving.  It's irritating too to here how much I'm missed too.   I know that sounds funny but when I'm at work, alot of the residents act as if I do nothing.  I get a small joy out of having a day off when certain residents are on rotation through the lab.  Well enough about that.

I'm going to try to occupy myself so that I don't think about food.  I guess it doesn't help when I'm looking for recipes that folks are eating post-op that someday when I'm done healing I will be able to eat.  ONE DAY AT A TIME.

For the last couple of nights I don't think that I have actually been getting sleep.  I say I don't think because I lay there, time passes, I seem to dream but I am alert very easily and don't feel sleepy.  I have reduced the amount of pain meds that I have been taking because I do not need them.  I have had this happen before with pain meds after a couple of days of taking them, where they seem to keep me up at night.  I am trying a different med right now, one left over from foot surgery to see if this will make a difference.  Under my incision sites my tissue feels bruised and swollen, which is to be expected.  That's about all the discomfort I am feeling, but it still is hard to get up and down from bed or a sitting position without feeling a strain.  I think that I have been healing pretty good so I feel bored at home.  Maybe I do need to just relax lay back and let my body heal.  I have one more week at home before work.  I will try to give myself a chance to relax this week.