BellaLuna

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I'm about 2 1/2 weeks post-op now and things are going very well.  I've still had no trouble with nausea and I've had no trouble getting down pureed foods.  I've recently started on soft foods and that's going well too.  I haven't exactly had that full feeling yet, but I feel satisfied when I eat a very small amount.  That's pretty exciting.  

So, today I was pretty lazy all day.  At about 6pm I decided it was too nice a day to not go out of the house at all.  I had to go out for a walk.  I live in the city, and I really don't know a lot of my neighbors.  I do know one couple down the street that I met at a mutual friend's party.  When I went out tonight, they were out on their porch, so I stopped to talk.  They were asking me about why I was going out for a walk, so I told them about my surgery.  I was amazed at what happened.  She immediately offered my whatever support I needed.  She said she would like to start going for walks with me and not just to walk, but that she'd like to get to know me better.  She said she struggled with a lot of eating and body issues and it would be great to have someone to talk about them with.   We exchanged phone numbers and made a date to go walking later in the week.

This experience, much like the hairdresser experience I wrote about before, has proven to me once again what can happen when you let people in just a little.  They want to help and they just might let you in too.  That's really been one of the best things about this whole WLS journey.  I'm learning to let people in.  I'm sure that's going to be a key to a healthier future for me.

    

So, I had my surgery on Thursday, and it wasn't too bad.  My mom and sister took me to the hospital, and I was later joined by 3 other friends.  It meant so much to have their support and know they were there pulling for me.  Also, it helped keep me distracted before surgery so I wasn't so nervous.  I was so surprized that I didn't freak out at all.  

When I woke up from surgery, I felt slightly nauseous and a little pain...kind of like I had done a bunch of sit ups.  Once I woke up enough that they could give me pain medication, the nausea and the pain both went away, and I was thrilled!  As long as I was lying quitely in bed, there was no pain whatsever.   When I got back to my room, my family and friends were there and later the doctor came in to check on me.  The only part of the experience that I didn't like was the first nurse that was assigned to me.  She was really nice, but she was filling in from another department, and she seemed a little overwhelmed and confused about bariatric care.  That kind of made me nervous, but she was only there for a few hours and then I got a bariatric nurse.  

After a few hours of being in my room, they brought me broth and Jello.  I was a little nervous to eat it, but I had no problems.  I then began drinking water and had no problems with that either.  I've been doing great getting my water in.  

I got out of bed to walk once that first night.  The walking wasn't bad, it was just the getting up and down.  That was pretty painful, but it was over quick, so that was okay.
 
The doctor came in on Friday morning and said I could go home that day if I felt like it, but since it was still pretty painful to get up and down on my own, I decided to stay another night so that I would have help with that.  Also on Friday, they gave me some Vicadin, and I didn't take to that very well.  It made me slightly nauseous and gave me a headache.  They switched me to Percocet, which I did fine with.  

Overall, the experience was much easier than I thought it would be.  I was thrilled to have basically no nausea, and to be able to drink right away.  Getting up and down was and is probably more painful than I had imagined, but it's like ripping off a bandaid.  You just get up....hurt for a few seconds and it's over.  And...the pain medicine helps a lot!

By the way, my doctor used a 36 bougie.  I think I will be happy with that.  I'd rather have it slightly larger and hopefully not have the reflux problems.  If these early days are any sign of things to come, I think we made the right decision.

So....anyone out there who hasn't had it done yet, be encouraged.  I know everyone's experience is different, but mine was pretty easy, and I hope yours is too! 

Yes, tomorrow's the big day, and I'm not freaking out nearly as much as I thought I would be at this point.  I think it's normal to be a little afraid anytime you go into surgery, so I'm letting myself feel that.  Here are the things that have been working for me to make me feel less afraid.  Maybe someone else can use these in their journey.  

1) Name your fears.  Don't just let a whole bunch of fears hang over you.  Take them one by one.  As I did this I realized that each fear individually wasn't so bad.  I felt like I could handle them.

2) Be around people who are excited for you, and let their excitement rub off on you.  When you start getting scared, call these people or think of them.  Ask for prayers or positive thoughts or any other help you need. 

3) Read profiles and posts from people who are successful and who have made it thru.  And for now, stop reading the negative ones.  Don't get me wrong....I DO think that people should post about their troubles or negative experiences so that people have all the facts when they are in their deciding stages, but a few days before your surgery is not the time to be reading them. 

4) Make sure you are 100% comfortable with your surgeon.  I met with mine Monday and got all my last minute questions answered.  When I left there, I truly felt that he was as concerned with my good outcome as I was, and when I start freaking out a bit, I think of that, and it immediately calms me.  I trust him totally and that really helps.  

Last night I went shopping for some supplies that I'll need after surgery,  and I was really hungry because I hadn't eaten in two days due to my pre-op diet.  It was interesting, as I passed a billboard with an icecream ad and one of my favorite Mexican restaurants.  There were some real mixed emotions going on.  Part of me was sad that my life would be changing concering the eating, but part of me was really relieved.  I think it will be so nice to feel like I have a little control over food, as opposed to the way it's controlled me for years.  I hope that part continues to grow and that this surgery will finally offer me some freedom, and maybe even a little rest from that constant battle I've been fighting.  I'm SOOOO tired of the fight.  I know this isn't magic, and it will still take work, but it will be nice to have some help that I think will really work and be long lasting.  So....here's to the beginning of a whole new journey for me.  I'm excited.....  and....just a little freaked out! 

I went in for my pre-op appointment with the nutritionist and surgeon today.  I got all my questions answered and got to know my surgeon a bit better, and all that made me feel pretty good.  The doctor said he was going to use a 34-36 bougie on me.  He said it just depended on what things looked like when he got in there.  I'm happy with that.  I hope that going just a tad bigger than 32 will help with reflux, and it's still small enough for good weight loss.   He also told me about how there have been new studies out that show if they make the stomach a little different shape and leave more near the bottom that there is less nausea and reflux, so it made me feel good to know that he knew that.  He also said that in med school he was teased for being a perfectionist, and I believe that that is a very good trait for a surgeon to have.  

This week has been a bit of a roller coaster.  On Saturday I was feeling almost excited, but then Sunday and today I read on the message board about some people who have had some serious complications, and that got me scared again.  But then, after meeting with the surgeon, my fears were lessened a bit.  I've been pretty addicted to this message board for a month or so, but I've decided that I need to quit reading it unfil after surgery.  I think I know everything I need to know at this point, and hearing about bad experiences isn't doing me any good.  I'm not going to change my mind, so I just need to concentrate on the positive at this point. 

Up until this week, I had only told family and some close friends about my upcoming surgery.  I think there has always been so much shame wrapped up in my numerous weight loss failures, and I was afraid people might think this was just going to be another one.  But I started thinking about my friends who had had WLS and I realized that I never thought anything bad about someone who had done it, and I was wondering where I got the idea that people would think badly of me.  So, I decided to start telling people.  Everyone I have told has been very supportive, but today I had an especially nice experience.  

I was at the hair salon, and my colorist meantioned that she did yoga.  I told her that I had done yoga a few times in the past and was going to start again, because I needed to start an exercise program to go along with my surgery.  She was extremely supportive and gave me names of people at her yoga studio to talk to about what I was hoping to accomplish.   Then I moved on to my stylist and told him about my  surgery.  He too was very supportive and very excited for me.  He also practices yoga and said he'd be happy to see me at classes with him.  As i was leaving they both gave me a big hug, and my stylist told me he'd dedicate his yoga practice to me on the day of my surgery.   I was so touched I was crying by the time I left. 
 
I think so often we think we need to be strong and handle everything ourselves, but I'm learning, that people are more than willing to  lend their support and it's important that I learn how to accept that.  Today, as I felt their excitement for me, I too began to get more excited and less and less afraid.   Thinking of moments like today will help me sail thru surgery. 

Last week a friend asked me if I was scared due to my upcoming surgery.  Here is my response to him.  I think it pretty much sums up where I'm at, at the moment so I thought I'd share it here.

"I was really scared at first, and now I'm just scared part of the time.  I'm sure the day before, I'll be totally freaking out.  It's funny...the fears kind of change.  At first I was afraid of dying or something horrible happening on the operating table.  While there is always a remote chance of that kind of think happening, it's highly unlikely.  It's probably more likely that I'd be hit by a bus coming to work.  So, that fear is still there...but much smaller.  Then I was afraid of complications.  That fear is still kind of there, but it's more of a fear of the monetary repercussions rather than the pain.  Since my insurance isn't covering this, if I have complications, it could be ugly.  Then there is the fear of the pain and nausea after surgery.  I'm pretty tough, so I'm kind of getting over this one, but it's still there.  THEN, and probably my biggest one now, there is the fear of the pain of learning to drink and eat again, and things like long term heartburn and nausea which some people experience.  And wondering if I really am not going to need the majority of my stomach sometime in the future.  Oh...and then there is the emotional stuff like, will I really be able to keep the weight off, and what kinds of things am I going to need to deal with in order to do that.  

So....while writing all that out makes it sound like I'm just a big bunch of fears, it's really not as bad as it sounds.  It actually helps to name then and look at them one by one rather than just letting this big cloud of fear hang over me, so that's kind of what I've been trying to do.  I've also been trying to remind myself of the rewards from doing this.  Everyone on the message board I've been reading is thrilled to be done with the yo-yo stuff and to have a normal relationship with food, and to feel satisfied.  All of those things will be such a relief to me.  I think the battle has just been wearing me down and I don't feel like I can do it anymore.  I'm looking forward to when my weight and eating isn't the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed.  So.....I think the misery of the first few weeks or months will be worth it if that can happen. 
 
So, now I'm concentrating on having a good attitude and expecting the best outcome thru all of this.  Some people pretty much breeze thru all of this, and I'm going to do all I can to be one of them!  I think attitude plays a big part in this.  But, of course, a few prayers said on my behalf would be most welcome also."

So, I'm getting the sleeve done in two weeks, and last night I decided to attend the support group that my bariatric clinic runs.   While my doctor has performed other gastric sleeves, I think I'm his first one in Denver, so I was the only one at the meeting who even knew anything about it.  They decided to put me into the group with the lap-banders rather than the RNY people.  It was interesting.  My first thought was I knew WAY more than most of the people there, because I had read so much on this board.  When one person was worried about losing her hair, and another wondering what she could eat in her soft stage, I had ideas for both of them that no one else knew of.  My next thought, as I listened to most of them complain about what a hard time they were having getting the right fill level was... "I am SOOO glad I'm not getting one of those things."  I think next time I'll ask to go in with the RNY folks so I don't have to listen to a whole meeting about fills.  It was really hard to keep my mouth shut and not say how much better the sleeve was than the lap-band!  

The part of the evening that kind of bothered me was after I introduced myself and told the procedure I was getting, and someone asked what it was.  The bariatric coordinator started to explain it, and said it was usually for the extremely obese and done as a two part procedure.  I kept shaking my head, but she really didn't give me a chance to talk at that point.  (I did get to explain more about it later when we broke up into groups.)  I got this same kind of info when I first called the doctors office to inquire about the procedure.  "Oh...why would you want to have that done?  We only do that when there is no other option."  My surgeon is all for it and thinks it's a great procedure, but he is new at this clinic, and it's clear that his staff is not up on it.  It's too bad.  I think they are missing the boat.   

Anyway, while I think it's good to have in person people to talk to, it became clear to me that the VSG forum is going to be a much better support group to me than that group.  Thanks for giving me a good education and for helping and supporting me thus far.  Only 2 weeks to go!

     I started looking into WLS about 2 months ago.  I started out thinking I wanted a lap band, but the more I read, the more it didn't appeal to me due to the high rate of complications.  While researching the lap band, I stumbled across the term.....Gastric Sleeve, and the more I read, the more I knew it was for me.  
     Then came the task of finding a surgeon.  The procedure is relatively new so  lot of doctors weren't doing it yet.  I found one doctor in Denver who said he did them, but he's only done about 18 of them.  After some discouraging words from his staff, I made an appointment anyway, and I'm glad I did.  The doctor seemed knowledgeable, caring and competent, so I set up a surgery date.
     Just before my appointment with the first doctor, I learned of another doctor in town who also did the VSG.  He seemed to have more experience, but he was also more expensive.  I made an appointment with him too, and ever since I'm been debating what to do.  If I go with the first doctor, I have a surgery date of March 6.  If I see the 2nd doctor, it might be a couple of more months before I get a date.  Plus, I'd have to pay another $200 for the office visit and I'd have to have another psych evaluation.   So, I've been debating for a week about what to do. 
     On top of all this there is a real sense of fear that I've been experiencing.  I'm afraid of the operation and recovery, and I'm afraid to have a major organ in my body mostly cut out.  I'm afraid I might fail at this weight loss attempt too.   
     So, it hasn't been a fun week.  But all of the sudden today a feeling of peace came over me.  I don't even know when it happened.  Just all of the sudden I didn't feel scared anymore and I knew that I felt good about the first doctor.   
     I'm sure between now and the surgery date, there will be a few more ups and downs, but for the moment, it feels good to have a direction and a plan.