becktrola
april 5 2009
May 05, 2009
Well I had my first meeting with the shrink, the nut and the surgeon. I was very happy with all of them. I cant wait to get a surgery date. Im hoping the next appt I will get more information on when I might have a date.
0 comments
daily blab
Mar 04, 2009
Well its March 3. I have ran around all day getting records and printing off things I need for my file. My seminar is tonight and I'm so nervous I don't know why. But I cant wait to hand all my paperwork in and really get the ball rolling. Geesh I have alot of history. I sure hope my insurance is happy....who knows
March 5, Well I went to the seminar last night. I am amazed at the amount of ppl their. I was the only one who had the packet done. I already had the psych done. And all my medical records printed off. I was so proud of myself for getting it all together. I'm a bit of a scatterbrain so it was quite an accomplishment. I already knew everything he was talking about. So I guess for me it was just a formality. Just to attend a seminar. I also went to my dietitian today. OMG I love her. She is so awesome. I am really going to try to follow her diet for me. I want to be in the best of health when I go in for my surgery. I just cant wait!!!!! I hope the insurance sees how thorough the report is and appreciates all the work that went in to it. who knows....I guess now its a waiting game while I go thru the 3 month multidisciplinary diet thing.
march 9....I have had to call my pcp from another state to get on them to go out into the storage shed and find my records from earlier than 2006. I have 1 more Dr's reports that I think I will hunt down. I have to call the exercise therapist tomorrow to add in with the nut and the pcp visits. Geesh!!! I am getting so anxious. I am really trying to watch how I'm eating now so it wont be so drastic after the surgery. And hopefully I wont have to wait for the insurance to long. I haven't heard anything from the surgeon. I had to pay 150 flippen bucks for the stinken psych to write up her report. She said to call and remind her to send it in....YEA like that's my job....so I guess I will have to put that on my to do list. I am hoping to have every record in by Friday. Then all I have to do is 2 more visits with the pcp and dietitian. yippee....but I have never had any kind of patience. I am just tired of being fat.
1 comment
March 5, Well I went to the seminar last night. I am amazed at the amount of ppl their. I was the only one who had the packet done. I already had the psych done. And all my medical records printed off. I was so proud of myself for getting it all together. I'm a bit of a scatterbrain so it was quite an accomplishment. I already knew everything he was talking about. So I guess for me it was just a formality. Just to attend a seminar. I also went to my dietitian today. OMG I love her. She is so awesome. I am really going to try to follow her diet for me. I want to be in the best of health when I go in for my surgery. I just cant wait!!!!! I hope the insurance sees how thorough the report is and appreciates all the work that went in to it. who knows....I guess now its a waiting game while I go thru the 3 month multidisciplinary diet thing.
march 9....I have had to call my pcp from another state to get on them to go out into the storage shed and find my records from earlier than 2006. I have 1 more Dr's reports that I think I will hunt down. I have to call the exercise therapist tomorrow to add in with the nut and the pcp visits. Geesh!!! I am getting so anxious. I am really trying to watch how I'm eating now so it wont be so drastic after the surgery. And hopefully I wont have to wait for the insurance to long. I haven't heard anything from the surgeon. I had to pay 150 flippen bucks for the stinken psych to write up her report. She said to call and remind her to send it in....YEA like that's my job....so I guess I will have to put that on my to do list. I am hoping to have every record in by Friday. Then all I have to do is 2 more visits with the pcp and dietitian. yippee....but I have never had any kind of patience. I am just tired of being fat.
Freedom
Mar 03, 2009
Oh hear my cry and free me from this prison.
I want a happier existence than the one I'm living
The shame I feel from the early dawn
til the sun has set and light is gone.
The tears that fall with every stare,
All the moments with my children I cannot share.
To tired to join life and to embarrassed to try
I see the looks of the ones who walk by.
To many times to try and fail
so I sit inside my body that has become my jail.
And when I sleep I dream of the day,
I wake up without worrying about what I happen to weigh.
How did I get here? When did I lose the fight?
Why am I in this prison? Will I every see the light?
Free me from this prison, and all the guilt and all the shame.
I want to be alive I'm so tired of all the pain.
I want to be free...to live the life that was meant to be.
So I wait for the day and I hope it will come fast,
I just don't know how much more of this I can last.
0 comments
I want a happier existence than the one I'm living
The shame I feel from the early dawn
til the sun has set and light is gone.
The tears that fall with every stare,
All the moments with my children I cannot share.
To tired to join life and to embarrassed to try
I see the looks of the ones who walk by.
To many times to try and fail
so I sit inside my body that has become my jail.
And when I sleep I dream of the day,
I wake up without worrying about what I happen to weigh.
How did I get here? When did I lose the fight?
Why am I in this prison? Will I every see the light?
Free me from this prison, and all the guilt and all the shame.
I want to be alive I'm so tired of all the pain.
I want to be free...to live the life that was meant to be.
So I wait for the day and I hope it will come fast,
I just don't know how much more of this I can last.
march 1, 2009
Mar 01, 2009
Well I think I'm on my way. I found my Dr I had 16 years ago that I had went to for weight loss. I was 260 then. They are sending my medical files in the mail. I am hoping that if I get as much detailed history on my lardness, I wont have a bit of trouble with my insurance. I have been over weight since I was 13. I also have PCOS. But I wrote a wonderful letter to my other Dr in Oklahoma who I have went to over the past 10 years. He has prescribed me phentermine on a couple of occasions. So he told me a couple of years ago that he would give me a reference for wls. So I wrote him a letter and hope he will write the ins co a nice reference. I have also compiled a detailed time line history of my life from 13 on. I sent it to a couple of friends and they are like..wow you really have been on a lot of diets and have obsessed for a long time. I really cant believe I've wasted the last 20 years on this crap. I'm so sick of feeling miserable. I don't go to any of the kids field trips. How can I when its a chore just to get down the bus to find a seat and then have everyone stare at the cow trying to get comfortable NO THANK YOU!!!! I have thought about this for several years. I have been to several Dr's to try to get help with this. I finally found a good Dr. just to have a Dr. Anyway about a month ago one night lying in bed. I just threw up my hands in the air and pleaded to God to help me. Which I have done many times before, but I was pleading with God to help me, I cant do this on my own and I'm tired. I cant do this anymore. I am bawling and at my wits end. So the next day I make an appt with my new Dr. When I go in for my appt. I tell her. I cannot lose this weight. I cant do it....I am tired of trying. PLEASE HELP ME!!! So she says why don't I give you a reference for wls. I honestly did not go in with the idea in my head for wls. I was going to see in she would give me some more phentermine or something. But she said...."I would rather you have wls than take diet pills they really ruin your heart"....I was so overwhelmed. And I knew at that moment in time. That was the answer. I have lost the same 30-50 pounds for so long and I am just tired of being fat. Of being the fattest mom the fattest friend. The fattest person in the room. I'm tired of being the most miserable human being on the planet. SOOOOOO I said YES!!!!!! She sent in the referral and checked with my insurance. Which is aetna and it is covered. So I started researching. While I have been on this site for a couple of years I really wasn't all so sure about wls. But now I am researching everything I can get my hands on. And for the ones of you that have been thru this and have wrote your story....its so wonderful for ppl like me to read. I settled on Dr De la Torre to do my surgery. I got the packet in the mail, I have filled it out. I have my seminar on March 4. and I went to see the psych Feb 26. She gave me the thumbs up and said I was a perfect candidate for the surgery. So I wrote the time line of my diet history and weight history. I also pictures from 1991 up till now to show how I have progressed into such a large cow. Yes welcome to my pasture. 
I have certainly grazed my way into a fabulous size 30/32. I officially weigh in at 344. I'm about 5'8. I am getting so excited about getting this done now. I made an appt with a nutritionist so I can get the 3 month multidisciplinary diet that is required by my ins in. But I am hoping with 16 years of medically supervised documented records....my insurance will see the report with my 16 years of fat pics and call me up immediately and say "YES for goodness sakes YES....schedule your surgery tomorrow before you get any fatter." LOL But I have my time line history if anyone wants it if your at the same place I am. I will get my pics of my 16 years of lardness...probably tomorrow. I want to be able to hand all that stuff in at the seminar. But if anyone wants to see them, just let me know. Well I will go to my nutr tomorrow and I will write in on how that goes. 
0 comments
I have certainly grazed my way into a fabulous size 30/32. I officially weigh in at 344. I'm about 5'8. I am getting so excited about getting this done now. I made an appt with a nutritionist so I can get the 3 month multidisciplinary diet that is required by my ins in. But I am hoping with 16 years of medically supervised documented records....my insurance will see the report with my 16 years of fat pics and call me up immediately and say "YES for goodness sakes YES....schedule your surgery tomorrow before you get any fatter." LOL But I have my time line history if anyone wants it if your at the same place I am. I will get my pics of my 16 years of lardness...probably tomorrow. I want to be able to hand all that stuff in at the seminar. But if anyone wants to see them, just let me know. Well I will go to my nutr tomorrow and I will write in on how that goes.
