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I dont know why but i havent been visiting this site as much as I used to.Everything in my life has made a complete turn around.I am still losing weight faster than ever and im looking and feeling better every day.
     I have had problems eating though.I am actually worried that I might go enimic cause most ofthe time I cant get my food down.even after having a sricture operation i still am having problems.
     I am happy though,i have not been this light since High School!!!!

Yes believe it or not i am fighting depression big time.I have been sleeping a great deal.I mean all night and most of the day.My friends say well thats natural you have had a big surgery so you should sleep.Well i know that this is a problem cause when i sleep even when im sore from sleeping there is something wrong.
So why am I depressed you ask.I have had this awesome surgery that is changing my health,my life,and even increased my life expectancy incredibly,and i am whinning .Well I am mourning the loss of food.Can you believe it,im crying over the loss of my pizzas.I wonder sometimes did I do the right thing,maybe I cant live without a rack of ribs once a month or the ROBBY  GORDON RIB EYE at DALTONS steak house.All I know is talking bout it helps and thats what i am doing.
Yesterday i started my first meeting with jason who is my new therapist.I will meet with him once a week for a while and figure out just what makes me tick.Then I will proceed to get rid of the tocks.Ha im crazy with metaphores.
To say that im sorry I had this surgery would totally be wrong.I will tell you though that jst cause you have this surgery does not mean you are healed by no means.This surgery is just a tool to help me get myself back on track and the only way that will happen is if i work my ass of to get there.

Ok the surgery is done and I am feeling much better.I still am niot eating anything but im ready to work on the underlining reasons why i liked food so much.I know that I use food to comfort me.If im sad ,if im happy,if im sick,if I feel good.I dont need a reason do you?
I am going to support group meetings and finding it very helpfull.I even tried a Overeaters ANon.It makes sence cause even though I am not eating anymore,I still am running on the same brain.Not eating doesnt fix what made me big.So I am on my way

Im two weeks out and feeling good.I have so much more energy but i dont know what to do with myself.I have found that it might be a good idea to get into a support group causde life without food is becoming a bore.
Dont get me wrong i love losing this weight but I dont now how to have fun anymore.Everything i used to do was in somehow attatched to food.
I really need to know how other people deal with this feeling.

man what an incredible feeling.If someone would have told me just how good i would feel in only two weeks I think i would have had this surgery years ago.i am totally full of feeling good and endless energy.I would like to put my doctor on a pedistal cause he has completely changed my life.He literally saved my life.
yesterday I went on a walk with my mom and I could not believe the difference in the way I got through the track that we have done several times before.There was no change in my breathing and I could have walked twice the distance.
Today will be my first day going to the gym since the surgery.its important to wait untill the doctor tells you to proceed and he has.Im not gonna feel uncomfortable in the gym today I know it cause I feel great and I am shrinking as we speak.

Well its been one week since the surgery and i am feeling very good.Im not in any pain at all,everything went smooth.I was on the operating table for about 5 hours though.I guess my liver was enlarged so it was hard for them to get around it.
So far I think my diabitis has pretty well gone away as well as all my other health problems.What a miricle.

I hope and pray that all went well with carol,my new found WLS friend.I sure wish i could get ahold of her and find out hw it went.I am sure right now she would tell my IT HURTS DONT DO IT,but if I wait till next week im sure she would tell me different.
Well countdown four days and a wake up and it will be my day

     Time is starting to tick tick tick down as I wait for each day to pass so i can mark another day off on the callender.Its just become monday and I am holding my usual hours ,up all night ,sleep all day. Actually, i need to sleep today cause i have to do some things tomorrow.I really need to get ready for the day.On tuesday, I will be leaving my home and going to Long Beach,where I will get a room at a local hotel ,so I can be in carson city the morning of the operation.So really ,I dont have much time left before countdown.

     This has been one heck of a journey so far.I cant believe how easy it was to drop the addictions I had in order to have this surgery.Why couldnt i have done this years ago.Now my mind is focused on being healthy.I got in the pool  yesterday and to my amazement I could hold my breath for so much longer than a month ago.No more smoking did this for me.The liquid diet has made me feel more alive than ever.Sure HUNGRY ALIVE, but yes good!!

     What does my future have instore for me.WOW, I will have a future.Will I get married,start really livin life,I know i wont be sick anymore and that alone is the gift of GOD.Will I survive this ordeal?Yes I will cause I have God on my side,a good sergion,and a family who needs and loves me.Im strong and this will be a piece of cake.OH I cant have that anymore,ohwell

ok this is incredibly hard but im doin it for the most part.I say that cause the other day I scewed up and had a tostada at my favorite mexican food place.Even though I was saying goodbye to an old friend,I still cheated.I have7 days till surgery and I am so crazed right now.I cant sleep at night cause my mind is racing.All these thoughts about my future are spring into my mind so I stay up and chat on the obesity hotline all night ling.Then 5 oclock comes around and i finally pass out.
I m so happy to know the people that I am meeting on this site.We are incredible caring people that share this awefull fate.But guess what there is a cure and we are doing it.There is not a night that goes by that i dont make another good friend that has something I need to know and they want to share it with me.I dont think I could be more informed,and if i am not all I have to do is get on the chat line and ask them .God Bless YOu my friends.
i rented a lift chair today.It will make it easier for me to get up and down on my own without needing my parents to break there backs.
All in all this is one hell of an experience{to be candid}

oh im so happy.I havent been able to sleep at all the past few days waiting for an answer and I just got it.5/21/08.oh I cant sit still.I need to start my protien diet tomorrow they say .I will hit a trader joes in the morning.
I know this is bad but tonight I am going out and having my very last tbone steak to celecrate then its all business tomorrow