baileyboo

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

it's been awhile since i've been on here. i've found that i was becoming way too dependent on the forums and not allowing myself the opportunity to learn what's best for me on my own.

so i'm almost down 100 lbs. it feels good. but i'm not to the point of saying i'd go through it all again.

yet.

i have more energy and feel better about myself.... even have a few men hittin me up, which is ALL i need....lol....

anyways... just wanted to post real quick to let everyone know i'm still alive. will post more when life settles down.

That's right... I'm about to talk about pooping. Hey, it's natural...right??

Turkey Chili was the culprit. Stupid lookin Turkey Chili!!!! I ate the stuff once before and did fine with it. So I took it to lunch yesterday because I was running late it was convienent. At lunch I pulled it out of my bag and crunched up about 5 or so crackers in it. Heated it and took about 10 or so bites before I put the lid back on. It wasn't as good as I remembered it being the first time.

Two hours later I was praying my gluteus maximus muscles would not fail me as I RAN to the bathroom!!!! I sat down and first thanked the baby Jesus that I had made it to the porcelian throne. I sat there..... and I heard it..... the rumbling of my tummy only acknowledged what I feared. I was about to play the star role in the "Dumb and Dumber" scene where Lloyd gave Harry the laxatives in his drink??






Yeah... that bad. I only wish that I would have lifted my legs like Harry so nobody recognized my shoes as the thunderous noises came from the stall. To top it all off, as I sat there vomiting from my ass..... I literally felt the saltiness in my mouth and the tightening of my jaw. That feeling you get right before you hurl chunks?? I looked around and began to ponder how I would ever conquer this experience with some sort of dignity. The little metal trash with the flippy lid didn't even flip open enough for me to stick my head in there (and I wasn't sure I would if i could). I tried to breath through it as best as I could... but the stench had me breathing small breaths through my mouth instead of my nostrils. Thank God it worked.

It took three commode flushes before I felt comfortable enough to walk out of the stall. And that would have given anyone that was present during my "storm" time to vacate the restroom....so yanno, I didn't crawl to the sink with shame.

As I stood there washing my hands, I saw a woman walk into the restroom and right into the stall I had came out of. I did the cross sign from my forehead to my navel and then shoulder to shoulder and said a silent prayer that I wouldn't hear a "thud" as I was washing my hands.

Very quickly, washed my hands and ran out. I didn't want to witness the greenish glow to the woman's face when she walked out of the stall.

This folks.... my first "Dumping" experience. Stupid ass Turkey Chili

So I started my Pureed Stage on Tuesday (was supposed to be Monday, but I chickened out).

Says you should eat 4 oz 2-3 times a day. Well my first day, I started very slow. For "lunch" (5pm... that's the earliest I got the nerve up to actually eat) I had 2 tblsp cottage cheese with a little salt. It was so weird to be eating again. I felt like I was doing something wrong. That sat fine on my wittle belly so for dinner I ate 2 oz of refried beans with LF chedder melted and mixed. And a few shakes of salt (I'm really hoping I'll never have to give up my salt). Did ok.

Wednesday - I ate 2 oz of cottage cheese. I have to tell you, it didn't taste as good the second time around. I NEVER ate cottage cheese, so maybe it's because it was more that I remembered why I hated it. Blech. I then had my 2 oz Refried Beans with the melted cheese again for dinner. Did fine.

So, today (Thursday), I decided to get a little braver and do my Refried Beans with cheese for lunch, but do 4 oz. Um.. yeah.... no. I didn't hurl, but I gotta tell you the taste of it made my mouth water... and I'm not talkin in a good way... I'm talkin the way your mouth waters right before you barf. Tonight I wasn't going to eat anything because of my lunch experience, but I really need to get up to eating 3 times a day. So tonight I heated up some Roast Beef Hash (2.9 oz) and then added Green Beans to make it 4 oz. I put it in the skillet and mushed the Green Beans in with the Hash and added a tsp of Beef Gravy to moisten it all. I have to tell you.... it's good. I'm not even half way done though. So if the mouth starts watering again, I'll know that I'm just not ready for 4 oz and I'll take it down to 3.

I very much miss being able to drink while I'm eating though. Especially when the Cottage Cheese and Refried Beans made me a lil woozy because just having the taste in my mouth for 30 min was pure torture.

Honestly the only complaint I have right now is gas pains. I'm very pleased how everything went and how everything is healing. I know that I've lost, but I actually took the scale back that I bought and vowed that I would not buy a scale now till after my 2 week post op. I don't need that kind of pressure on top of everything else. It's not even pressure from the people around me, it's the pressure that I would put on myself. 

I have found it hard to move around as much as I want to because of these dreaded gas pains so I've posted something on the message board and hope someone can help me get rid of them. I am finding it hard to determine the difference between hunger pains and gas pains. That even sounds stupid as I type it, but honestly I haven't really felt "hungry" until yesterday. And it was only until after I relized I should have been following the full liquid diet. Guess I'm just nervous about pushing myself too fast..... I've been real good about taking my vitamins and stuff (aside from the protein, which I started today). But my multi and calcium and pepcid has been taken every day since I've gotten home.

I can't wait till I feel well enough to actually move around more. I'm gonna tear the place up!!!! LOL

That's right..... no matter how I look.... I am DETERMINED!!!! The only thing i've had since Thursday is an Avacado. The night is almost over so I only have tomorrow to get through this liquid diet!!!!! YAY!!!!
Surgery Monday morning 

....but i'm not. I feel like if i drop something i could start crying. the last 2 weeks have been very hard for me. this liquid diet sucks.... i normally am dehydrated so for me to drink ONLY liquids for 2 weeks is a challange in itself...

tonight is the worst night so far. last night i found a bunch of videos online where people have died from this surgery... had bleeding ulcers and didn't even knew.... died 2 weeks after surgery!

i'm really freaking out tonight. my ex husband is not being supportive at all and is saying that i'm being selfish and making it all about me... making me feel very guilty because of my daughter.

i'm starting to wonder if this is right for me..... i wasn't at all questioning it until the videos last night, the guilt trip from my ex husband and my failure on this liquid diet.