ATL_VSG

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I told myself I was going to wait at least two weeks to weigh myself after beginning the liver-shrinking diet prescribed by my surgeon.  When I've dieted in the past, I would weigh myself in the first week, and then expect that same amount of weight loss in the second week, even though I knew a lot of the first week was just water weight.  Then I get discouraged and give up.  So, my plan was to not weigh for at least the first couple weeks or maybe longer. 

Despite doing a really excellent job the previous 8 days, I had a rough day yesterday and ended up eating pizza.  Then, today, I started out with my protein shake, but later found myself eating junk food my roommate left when he moved out. There is definitely some truth to the carb-detox thing.  Once I had carbs again, I just started craving them more and more.  I recognized the problem, and hopefully will have the control I need to keep my focus.  I decided that weighing myself would be a motivation (or a needed warning if I hadn't lost anything), so I did, and am happy to report a ten pound loss in as many days.  Reminding myself to keep realistic goals for the next time I weigh.  My goal is to lose 25 pounds in the five weeks between the start of my liver-shrinking diet and my actual surgery date.  With ten pounds gone, four pounds a week for the next four weeks will get me right where I need to be (and out of the 400's!). 

So.  Exercise.  A big motivation for me to get this surgery is that my knees have really started to ache, and I'm having a hard time walking short distances or going up and down stairs.  For Christmas, I bought myself a treadmill, and of course, it hasn't had much use.  I walked on it for the first few days, and then not at all until I started my liver-shrinking diet.  So far, I've walked on it 3 times for about 10 minutes.  I know this is next to nothing.  I just get so incredibly BORED.  I even anchored a board across the top of my handlebars so I can sit my laptop on it and surf the web while I walk.  Doesn't help.  I have an aversion to boring exercise (with the exceptions of weight lifting and swimming, but I have no gym membership).  Than being said- I want my body to be as strong as possible for surgery.  I'm going to commit to 3 more days of walking, 15 minutes each time, in the next seven days.  I'll re-assess for the following week, based on my level of mobility.

This is my second time at working on getting VSG in Mexico.  I'm a 32 year old grad student in Atlanta.  My student insurance doesn't cover weight loss surgery, and unfortunately, Affordable Healthcare Act plans in the state of Georgia do not either.  So- my options are to relocate to a state with better health coverage, or use my loans to pay for surgery in Mexico.  While spending that much money is going to hurt, I actually feel really good about going to Mexico.  Dr. Garcia has so many good reviews, and so much experience, I have to believe that I will be in good hands.  My previous attempt was also with Dr. Garcia back in 2011, same situation-self pay because of no insurance coverage.  Two weeks before my surgery date, I started having major flank pain, and I knew exactly what it was- another kidney stone.  Kidney stones are expensive- especially if you're like me and have had four surgeries due to stones.  I had to postpone the surgery and wait until I could save the money up again.  So here I am- another 40 pounds heavier, with all the operative risks that go with the extra weight, but determined to do this. 

Because I have a high BMI (69.9), the doc wants me on a 3-4 week liver-shrinking diet.  I'm five weeks out from my planned surgery date, and thought I should just go ahead and get started.  This is hard.  It's really hard.  I find myself having to recommit to my goals every couple of hours.  Just one food commercial on TV and I start questioning myself.  Am I really ready to give up food?  I start thinking about all the ways I've failed at losing weight, and telling myself how this will be no different.  I have a lot of fear about the surgery, about how I will manage eating afterward, and about how my body will look afterward.  Tonight, I gave in to my insecurities, and found myself wallowing in self pity, surrounded by junk food (not going to mention potential trigger foods here).  I talked to my best friend who is going to Mexico with me next month.  Her mother had gastric bypass many  years ago, and because she watched her mother go through this struggle, I think she really understands me.  She talked me through my episode and helped me refocus on my goals.  I started a Pintrest board with pics of my goals.  It's my intention to add to that board when I'm feeling the urge to give up.  

Although I've been overweight my entire life (I was the fat kid in kindergarten), I've done a lot of things most people would never believe I could do at my size.  At 360 pounds, I backpacked for days on the Appalachian Trail, carrying a 45 pound pack.  I've squished my fat behind in plane seats and traveled to 13 countries- often carrying a backpack and going from hostel to hostel.  I've snorkeled the most amazing places in Mexico, Tahiti, and the Florida Keys.  I spent a summer directing Girl Scout camps in remote Alaskan towns.  Through my work as a teacher and student, I repeatedly stand in front of large crowds to talk about my research or deliver lessons.  What I'm getting at, is that I made a commitment to myself that I would never let my weight stop me from doing anything I wanted to do.  I came to love and accept my body.  Fast-forward to the time I hit my 30's, and the picture is different.  At 420 pounds, my knees hurt.  Walking from the parking lot to my apartment is a challenge.  I find myself avoiding events on campus because I cannot keep up with the other students.  The campus buildings are too far apart, and I get winded walking from one to another.  I've been isolating myself in my apartment, because I'm too big for so many things now.  I can't fit in chairs with arms- ever, and that's really embarrassing when I go for job interviews.  My discomfort must come out in the interview, because I've never got a call back from a potential job.    Even though I really can't afford it, I'll likely  have to buy myself two plane seats for my trip to Mexico.  This is not the life that I want to live. 

I'm so inspired by the stories of so many people on this board.  Thank you for your posts, advice, and general messages of goodwill.  I'm glad I'll be joining the loser's bench in just a few weeks!