Ashley78986

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I am starting to obsess about my weight. I'm scared to eat because I'm scared that I'm going to gain weight. I'm at the point where I just don't want to eat at all. I just don't understand how one week I lost 15 lbs (actually it was ten days) and now this week I've only lost 3. How does that work? I'm down a total of 23lbs since I started the process for WLS. But I can't help being frustrated with it. I know I probably shouldn't be. Eh, I'm just so frustrated.

So I'm home and all done with surgery. It's weird that it is all over now. One journey ends and another begins. My wait for surgery, really, was not a long wait. It just seemed like forever at the time. Now that I'm home it just seems so surreal. I'm not in too too much pain. But enough where I'm taking pain medication. I'm getting in as much fluid as I can! I find that being in a car is extremely uncomfortable. I think I'm going to wait before I take another ride in the car, until at least it doesn't hurt when we hit bumps :) As far as surgery went, the Dr. said that everything went smoothly. I was a little restless when I got into the recovery room, but they put the CPAP mask on me and they said I settled right down. The hospital stay was not that bad. The nurses kinda sucked, they took like 45 minutes to get me pain medication, I thought I was going to flip. But other than that okay. I stayed there for 3 nights, I only had a roommate for one of those nights. Thankfully. But bottom line, I'm home and ready to start my new journey.

So my date is coming up really quickly. Im nervous and excited and scared and happy. So many things all at once. My date is only 6 days away. I cant wait to be out of work and on my way to a new me! However I definitely feel like I'm "mourning" food. I keep looking at stuff and saying "well, I wont be able to eat that for a really long time!" so i find myself eating all sorts of crap that I know I shouldnt be eating. Really bad. But from what I've been hearing, thats normal. Maybe I'll write again the day before surgery, if not, definitely after surgery!

I am so incredibly excited right now. My mom called to tell me that my surgery has been scheduled for 5/22!!! AHHH! I cant even believe it. I couldnt be happier! I cant even sit still right now, which is hard cuz i work in an office :) 
I have my next appointment on 5/4
Then the other appointments on 5/10 and 5/11
Then the big day on 5/22

So excited. 

I called my insurance company today to see what the status was on getting authorization, and she said that they are still reviewing paperwork and it could be another 30 days until I hear back! I was like, that long? Eh, i dont want to have to wait. These people better make a decision quick.

I just had my 2nd visit with Dr. Gazmuri and he said I have a vitamin D deficiency so now I need to take pills to get my vitamin D up. They are still waiting to hear back from my insurance company as to whether or not I've been approved for the surgery or not, they said as soon as they hear back i will be able to get my surgery scheduled. On the up side I lost 7 pounds! I was so proud of myself, Ive been so nervous for the last 3 weeks that I wasn't going to lose any weight, even though Ive been eating really healthy. I just really hate the waiting. I have another appointment in 3 weeks, May 4th.

I hate waiting. Im so impatient. I just want to know that I have been approved and then I can move forward with this. I'm so stuck on thinking that I wont be approved, even though everyone tells me that they think it will be no problem. I just hate the wating. I have an appointment with Dr. Gazmuri on Friday, so maybe they are not mailing me anything because they are waiting until then, but still. They should call and tell me, because patience is just not one of my virtues. I think that because I've been stressing this so much that its affecting my sleep. I haven't been sleeping well at all. I'm so exhausted today at work that I really dont even want to do anything, even though I know I have to. eh. Im also nervous that I will not lose any weight before my next appointment. I've changed my whole diet around, I dont touch soda at all anymore, I have'nt eaten any fast food, I eat smart ones for lunch instead of ordering out!!! I mean come on, I better lose at least a 1/2 of a pound. I dont trust my scale at home, which sucks. But hey, what can ya do? eh. Just gotta keep waiting!!!!

I had my sleep study last night, i was so nervous. But the guy Matt was really really nice. It was nice for someone to talk to me like I'm human! We were shootin the shit about tv shows and stuff, he made me feel really comfortable. It was hard sleeping with all those friggin wires all over the place. But I woke up at 4:30 because aparently the oxygen detector thingy came out of my nose so it was beeping like crazy. I sat up cuz i was really confused, then Matt came over the speaker askin if I was ok. I said yea and then he came in and helped me get all the wires off. He told me I definitely have to come back for another study because I have sleep apnea. Thats a good and bad thing. Good thing because it will just help me get apporved. Bad thing because obviously I stop breathing for a few seconds every now and then. But hey, if I get approved then then eventually the sleep apnea will go away. No wonder Im so tired all the time!!! Well, Ill write back after my next appointment with Dr. Gazmuri on 4/6!

In January I made the decision that I wanted to have gastric bypass surgery. I went to my PCP, who referred me to NWH. I went home and made an appointment with the surgeon. I had to wait until April 11th!! I was so impatient, I didn't want to wait. But I still had to quit smoking, so i guess I needed the time to do that. At the end of January I went to the patient instructional meeting. I felt really out of place there, almost everyone came with a support person, I was by myself. Not because I don't have anyone, but because I didn't know you could bring other people. The meeting was so informative. I walked out of there with so much more knowledge. But I couldn't help but to cry the whole way home, (that was an hour drive, so it was a lot of crying.) I couldn't believe that I was considered "qualified" to have this surgery. I mean I always knew I was big, but I guess I didn't realize just how big. It was a huge wake up call for me. But I quickly got past that and realized that that was why I was doing this, to not be upset over this, to take action, to not sit back and let obesity ruin my life.
On February 1st, I quit smoking. I threw away my pack of cigarettes the night before, and I haven't picked up a cigarette or even wanted to pick one up. Im proud of myself for that.
On Monday, March 12th, I was at work thinking about how my consultation was only a month away, and about how my boyfriend wanted me to cancel the appointment. My boyfriend, Jake, is scared of me having the surgery. But then I get a call from Mirina at Dr. Gazmuri's office, asking if I wanted to move my appointment up to March 14th. Of course I did. But I was so nervous, I couldn't sit still the rest of the day at work.
Then, on Wednesday March 14th, I left my house at 7:45am and got to the doctors office at about 9am. Got out of the car, made sure my doors were locked, and headed to the office. I checked in, then went to look in my purse for something, and realized I didn't have my car keys! I had locked them in my car because I was so nervous. I didn't have a spare key, so I had to make my dad drive all the way there to unlock my car, apparently I left the radio in the car running off of the battery. God, I felt like such an idiot. But anyways, I met with the social worker, who was very sweet. We talked about a lot, and she told me that I was very mature and had a great understanding of what my life will be like with surgery and what the surgery is, which I guess is required for insurance to cover it, so I was glad that she thought that. Then I had to go get blood work done, eh, I still have the bruise. And I had to pee in a cup, I really hate that. Then, I had to sit with the nutritionist. She was nice,  kinda already knew a lot of what she was going to say, but she was still helpful. Then it was time to meet with Dr. Gazmuri. He walked into the room, looked at me, and said "You're here alone? Why are you here alone? Your 20, you shouldn't have to be alone." I thought that was sweet, and I hated being there by myself, but my mom's a nurse, and she worked the night before, I wasn't going to drag her to the doctors office for 6 hours. But Dr. Gazmuri assured me that he thought surgery was the right choice for me and that they would work hard with my insurance company to get this approved. I told him that was my main concern. I have a sleep study on March 22nd, and then my next appointment with Dr. Gazmuri is April 6th. I told them I wanted surgery ASAP, so they are really helping with that. I have to go to a 0-6 month meeting on Tuesday March 20th so hopefully that will be informative as well. But I guess I'll write back after my appointment on the 6th