angeldore
heart is slowly healing....
Mar 14, 2008
Well, its been almost (in 2 days) 2 months since my sweet daddy passed away. I am alittle sad today, I dont know why. I guess its fom all that is going on in my life right now, & the fact that my tears are few & far between. I cried so much in the month of Jan& into Feb that i dont think I have any tears left to cry out! i still miss him so. I still think, "Crap, I need to call my dad!" Then it hits me, OH...He's gone. Well, about my weight, i am down to 108-109. Pretty cool! I hope I stay this low. i am becoming obsessed with my weight alittle too much though, to the point that I am begining to look in the mirror while changing & thinking, GOD< I AM SO FAT! This is a bad sign, but you know what, I dont care. As long as i am skinny. NOTHING feels better, NOTHING! Well, enough on where I am today in my world. Long story short.....skinny, lonely, sad, stressed. Why does life have to be so hard? 
Angelic 3-14-08
Angelic 3-14-08
overwhelming sadness
Jan 24, 2008
I am currently OVERWHELMINGLY depressed. My daddy died this passed Weds., which would have been Jan. 16, 2008. He was 54. He was also a raging alcoholic. We believe that it was a heart attack that eventually took his life. Before him, I lost my grandmother, his mom, on March 10, 2006. They were both the people who were the closest people to me in the world. NO ONE could or can EVER take their place. I am beyond sad. People say to give it time. I know thats what I have to do, but right now, at this time, it really SUCKS, to put it bluntly. I am trying my hardest to get through my daily life of taking care of my 4 kids & my husband, but my mind is on my dad. How sad he was in his last years of life, how over taken he was by the alcohol. How much it had changed him. I guess I lost him years ago when he became so deeply involved in his drinking that he would forget the basic things in life, even our conversations at times. But, now he is truly gone, forever. I NEED him back, I love him SO much. Thank god those were my last words to him, just a few days before he died. I write this because these blogs are a journal of my life & the journey that it takes me on. So there it is, my life as it stands now, lonely & sad
. Only time will tell....my stats...
Jan 11, 2008
Height 5 3' (barely)
My hightest weight 232lbs
Weight on day of surgery 217lb
Goal weight 125lbs
Current weight 109lbs
My hightest weight 232lbs
Weight on day of surgery 217lb
Goal weight 125lbs
Current weight 109lbs
115lbs!
Dec 30, 2007
Well, I am at 115lbs! Yay! I am loving the new me, it feels great! Although, everyone I know says "You are TOO skinny!" BLAH BLAH BLAH.....I dont care, this is a better, heathier, happier me, & that is what is most important. I do hope though, that I dont lose any more weight because I do agree that if i did I would be too thin. Crazy, I never thought I would ever say that I am too skinny. I will be getting new pictures up soon, I just havent been up to it, seeing as how I suffer from fybromyalgia, which really SUCKS! But, with my daughters new camera, my new blonde hair, & my new meds to help me feel better, I will be getting new pics soon. I need them up for myself to see my progress. So, this is where I am now....I shall journal more at another time.
117-119lbs, depending...
Nov 29, 2007
Yep, I am getting closer & closer to my goal of 115lb! This morning my scale said 115, but I knowit cant be right, because yesterday it read 117 in the Am & 119 in the PM, but, who knows, the crazy way my body has desided to lose this weight! Whatever works, works for me!! I have recently highlighted my hair with the help of my daughter, so after Xmas, she gets her new camera, I will get more pics taken of the newer, blonder, thinner me!
Luvin it!!!!
Luvin it!!!!
120lbs
Nov 16, 2007
Well, I have been at 120lbs for about alittle over a week or so now. Its pretty cool! My goal though is 115lbs. Although I know that my PCP & my surgeon think that that is too low. I dont care, that is where I want to be, so that is what I am aiming for! I would like to get myself an excersize ball, when we get the extra $$$. Hopefully Thanksgiving wont screw up my weightloss goal. I am going to my moms for a week, so I am hoping that I can stay on track & keep up the good work. I am so proud of myself! Now to get rid of these 5 more pounds!!!
122lbs
Oct 29, 2007
122lbs as of this morning, & yes, I double checked! I cant believe this! I feel amazing, excecpt my fybro isnt backing down, which really sucks! So, I am now down 110lbs in 11 months, I never even really realized that I had that much to lose! My 12 month follow up is next month, 5 days after my surgerversary. I am not sure what my Dr will say in regards to all of this weightloss. During my 9 month follow up I was 135lbs & she said if I got down to 125-120 she might consider me drinking with my meals. I dont know about that! I have this horrible fear of gaining even 1 pound back! I've read that people gain about 20lbs back on average & I tell myself, NOT ME! I am SO freaked out by that! I try not to think too much about it. So, my weight is still going down, which is good. Now I just have to get my fybro under control!
125lbs!
Oct 12, 2007
Well, I am 125lbs & still losing! I cant beleive it! I feel GREAT! But I am not sure if I want to lose anymore, all though I am not sure I can control it. We'll see. I wouldnt really mind losing more, but my family & my dr. dont want me to. Anyways, thats my weight as of today, 10-12-07.
Now I am 130lbs, I can't believe it!
Sep 05, 2007
Well, I am now 130lbs & still seem to be losing. I can't belive where my life is today. I have never felt more healthy, more happy to be alive. The pilates is really stretching my body out & making me look alot thinner than I really am. I really stand by what it has done for me! I just went to the store yesterday & bought my first ever pair of size 4 jeans! Yes, I said size 4! Although I think the jeans just run big, I will still say size 4 with a smile & since of pride! We just got a boflex, much to my dismay, BUT, I am going to use it to my advantage & hopefully lose even more. If not, atleast I will get more solid in my frame. I am also planning on adding a flower for my humming bird to drink from, just waiting for the $$$$. Cant wait though! I also had to go get 3 of my rings sized down to ift, they all literally fall off of my finger, so in a week I will have a ring to wear again, I cant wait for that either. Life, as I always seem to say now, is good!
down 100lbs!!!!
Aug 28, 2007
Well, it's official, I am now down 100lbs!!! I have never felt better about myself in my whole life! I was always a very insecure up until recenly, well, since before my surgery. Even when I was 'thin' 8 years ago, I was always VERY insecure, but this procedure, the help of the tool, & my new found belief in myself, I have now found a new happiness in my life that has always been lacking. It feels great. I have made afew really great friends from this web site aswell, which has really helped me through this journey. With my family & my new rfiends by my side, I am successful! thank you all!! Life is good! Now if I could just figure out how to get my new face on the avatar screen!
