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Been some time since I've been here.  Well, I'm doing very well.  I'm now down 70 lbs.  Never would've thought that would be possible.  I still surprise myself when I weigh, which is usually only like once a month.  I'm not obsessed with the scale.  I usually go by how my clothes fit.  And I'm so excited that I am now in a size 18 down from a size 28.  I've gone from an 8W in shoes to a 7 1/2-8.  I am so thrilled that I can see my collarbone.  That may sound dumb but I still get a thrill that you can actually see it in photos now and I can feel the bump when I run my hand over it.  And kneecaps.  I have them now.  Amazing.  Been a long time since I've seen both of those.  And the little bones that you see in your hands when you flex your thumb toward you...just little things like that.  And crossing my legs IN A MOVIE THEATRE chair when before I used to have to slide in sideways in order to even fit in them.  I will never forget that.  There's just so many little things that I am so thankful for.  My son being able to put his arms around me now.  My husband able to put his arms around me.  These are a few of my favorite things...

Well, hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend.  We sure did.  Went on a little vacation out of town with our son and had a wonderful time.  I actually went swimming in the hotel pool...voluntarily!  That has not happened ever.  I have some loose skin between my legs on on my arms & of course the not so little skin apron...but it's ok.  I may have to have some cosmetic surgery done, especially on my stomach.  I don't know.  I would have to take out another loan for that.  Hopefully, by the time I'm ready for something like that, we'll have most of our little loans we have out paid off & then I can take one out & we won't be so crunched in finances that way.  We'll see.

Well, take care & hope everyone is doing well.  Bye!

I used to do aerobic kickboxing eons ago & for my birthday today, my folks & brother went in together & got me a gift certificate for a month of free classes.  I'm so excited!  Start this Wednesday.  I can't wait to build up my muscle tone again.  I've gotten all wiggly since I had such a slow start to the benefits of the surgery & couldn't work out for a while.  But, here I go!  Yeehaw.

I'm doing great.  I'm down now to 205.  In 5 days, I've dropped about 5 more pounds.  I've been at a stall for sometime, probably lack of my needed protein, so I've increased it.  I haven't been this close to under 200 in about 10 years, so to say I'm pretty psyched is an understatement, and yet I'm not getting too excited about it because it's almost like an "I'll believe when I see it" type of feeling, also.  

Haven't heard from any of my friends in awhile so I just wanted to say hi to everyone & let them know I'm doing well & I hope you all are doing well, also.  Life & all, gets a little busy...

Well, take care & will post when I get down below 200!!!!! 

Well.  Turkey day was a success.  Had enough to keep me satisfied.  Had it at my house this year.  It was a blast.  We played a really great game afterwards called Balderdash.  Hysterical what you can make up, lol.  I'm trying to get into shopping for Xmas now but money is really tight right now.  Getting ready for my 3 month f/u next week.  My friend Tammy is going with me.  Lordy, I hope I can make that drive up there!  I hope I don't get lost, lol.  And I can stay awake!  I usually crash as soon as I get in a car.  It's like I'm a narcoleptic or something, ha.  So, this should be interesting.  

I tried to go shopping yesterday because I  need some pants bad.  My only pair of jeans are literally, slipping off of me.  I know that is great & all, but you all just don't know how much I hate to shop.  I am missing the 'mall' gene that is supposedly supposed to be born into girls when they come into this world.  I have to be in a pretty good mood to try on clothes.  Even before I was overweight, I was like this.  And around the holidays?  Fah-get about it.  So, anyway, I tried that yesterday at the mall.  I got so ticked off.  I guess all jeans are going to the 'stretch' style?  I do not like those kind of jeans!  I could always wear Levi's or Lee's really good and now they have that stretch material in them.  They don't hold my stomach in very well like the old ones do.  I was so frustrated, I could've spit nails.  On a good note, though, I started out in a 26/28 size jeans and now I can fit into a 20/22.  And I went from a 44DD to a 36D, I think.  Whoa.  And I knew I'd have some sagging skin but my legs are just hideous.  It's starting to look like I have a saggy butt in between my thighs.   I really swore that I'd never voluntarily have surgery again after the pain I had with this but I believe I will have to in order to enjoy my weight loss when it's all said & done.  I guess I'm in a pretty pissy mood today.  Hell, may as well count yesterday into that, too.  Sheesh.  I'm annoying myself. 

Ok.  Well.  I have to get the oil changed in my car today & the tires balanced.  And I need to get my horn fixed.  When you push the wheel, it sounds like I have a bunch of parakeets in my hood chirping.  Really helpful when you're driving thru Chicago traffic & someone cuts you off.  TWEET TWEET!  

I will try to hold still long enough, also, to get some updated pictures on here.  I know I've still got a ways to go but so many people around here have commented on how well I'm doing.  It's such a good feeling & gives me hope that I can do this.

Take care everyone & have a very Merry Christmas!

I've stalled already, I think.  I don't think the scale has moved in over a week.  I'm scared that I've done something to stop the weight loss or something.  I'll tell you what, sometimes I just want to take a flying leap onto that scale and bust the heck out of it sometimes.   I hate that thing.  I need a new one, a digitial one.  This one I've had since 1998 & it's a monster.  I think I'll get a new one this week and see if it likes me better.  On a more happier note, I have lost a whole cup size & I have gone down 2 pant sizes and 1 shirt size.  So, that's good news.  I wish I would lose a little faster, though.  Seems like I'm moving slow with my weight loss.  I'm scared I'm going to fail somehow or that this surgery won't work for me.  I'm careful with what I eat...I don't eat junk food.  I'll have a little taste of it every once in a while just to rest the food demons in my brain but I didn't go thru what I did to have it not work or to fail.  So anything any of you have to offer in advice will be appreciated...

I've some news...my mother decided to have gastric bypass with Dr. F.  She had her surgery on Oct. 14.  They only kept her for one night though, which I think is way too little.  2 days at least I think they should keep you.  But her insurance would only pay for 1 night...those a$$holes, pardon my french.  Like they know anything.  So she's home now & is doing really well.  She says she's not in a whole lot of pain just a lot of discomfort.  She's doing so much better than I did after mine so far & I'm so thankful for that!  I don't think I could bear it if she hurt like I did.  I'm so proud of her for doing this.  It will be great having someone to go thru this with me & who better than my mom!  But now, oh yes I have to say, it is on.  She's got the determination to lose it fast and I've been sitting on my still large butt not exericising as much.  Which is probably why the scale hasn't moved an inch.  So I better get to it!!!

Also, I'm an aunt again!   My brother & his wife just had a baby boy on Oct. 26.  His name is Luke & he's doing great.  He's very cute, of course.  Connor is excited to have another baby cousin. 

I've started work PT at a pharmacy in another town.  I love it there.  They are so busy!  I will probably go FT very soon because my husband's work is pretty dried up right now and that is very scary.  We haven't been able to save up any money in case this happened because I was off for a month from this surgery and we are playing catch up.  We're pretty much stretched past our limits right now.  I'm very stressed and that doesn't even describe Ryan.  He's past that.  Our son's birthday is the 29th.  Got him a couple of things so he's set for that.  But this Xmas is going to be pretty skimpy for everyone.  1 or 2 gifts each this year.  And probably gift cards.  But, thankfully, I don't have a lot to buy for.  Just my family & a couple of in-laws.  So please pray that Ryan will get some work coming his way soon.  Usually, he's busy all year around since he's drywall, but about once or twice a year, he hits a dry spell & it's always at the worst time.  God does provide & we'll get thru this; however, it's still nervewracking.  

My next appt. is in Dec.  My best friend for the past 15 years is going to come with me & we're going to use it as a girl's weekend out.  I can't wait.  It's just a couple of days but it will be nice to rejuvenate for our families.  And then my 6 month appt., my best friend since kindergarten is flying from TX & I will probably take Amtrak or fly, & she is going to meet me up there for a girl's weekend, too.  I am so lucky to have such great friends & family.  That has been the greatest thing to rediscover during this process.  

Well, please keep my mom in your prayers for a fast recovery & strength.  I will do what I can for her to help her thru this.  She told me that when she & Dad were up there, taking that Halflytely junk & talking, that they realized how much strength it took & how tough it really was for me, being all that way up there, away from from Connor & them.  They have been awesome thru this whole thing & I hope that I can help her as much as she helped me during the 1st month when I was hurting so much.  

I better get back to bed.  I've had a cold for the past week & bronchitis.  I always get bronchitis this time of year, ever since I was, like, 14.  I cough and I sound just terrible!  I cough so hard, I can't get a breath.  If it's not better by Monday, I guess I'll go to the doctor.  I don't like to go unless I really have to do it.  

Going to have Thanksgiving this year at my house.  My favorite holiday, next to Xmas.  Connor & I started decorating today because this week will be too busy with work & cooking.  I'm doing a potluck style so I won't be stressin' about cooking everything.  Looking forward to it.  Got to clean the house good!

Gosh...guess I'm not ready for bed.  I have more news.  We bought another dog.  You know our Boxer, Cody, had to be put to sleep this past August & it just devasted us.  Well, Ryan was really ready to get another dog.  Me, not so much.  But I can't say no and he got me a really good time to ask, I guess.  So we got an American Bulldog.  He got that Boxer look to him and very similiar mannerisms, too.  He will be bigger than Cody was, tho.  He's very cute & very onry.  I forgot how much trouble it was to train a puppy!  Ryan has been very good at doing most of the cleaning up afterwards accidents and I'm warming up to the dog more.  Named him Spencer.  Will add some pics of him later.  

Ok, I think that's it.  Take care everyone!  Have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

That would be ME!  Finally, as of last Wednesday, Oct. 10., I have not hurt anywhere for the 1st time since the day of my surgery!  Did I think this day would ever come?  NO!  But it did.  Thank goodness!

Hello.  I'm having a case of insomnia right now.  I know it's been a very long time since I've put anything on here.  I guess I just wasn't up to it yet.  I figured while I'm in a typing kind of mood, thought I'd better take advantage of it & post some news on life after my surgery thus far.

I had my surgery on Sept. 10.  My husband & I drove up on Sat. the 8th and got a hotel room a few miles away from the hospital.  I was on a liquid diet for 2 days, that Sat. & Sunday.  I had to take this nasty drink (just the thought of it makes me shudder) Halflytely and pretty much camp out in the bathroom for the rest of the day on Sunday.  Have you ever seen Flicka?  I hadn't before but luckily, if you just turned the tv a little toward the bathroom, I could crack the door open & was able to watch it.  Yeah.  Thought you all would like to know that.  Know you'll sleep better with that bit of info. there.  Needless to say, I was cleaned out.  The liquid diet was hard.  I'm not very good at willpower (duh, look at me, lol) but I was diligent.  

I was the 1st surgery of the day Monday morning.  So of course, we overslept.  We got up at 5:30am, was supposed to be there at 6am.  Luckily, my smart husband drove the route the night before so he'd know how to get there.  We threw everything into our bags & was out of that hotel by 5:40.  Fastest time I've ever gotten ready, I believe.  

We got there, got set up, got to put on the gown & the socks.  Was taken to the holding area and that's where I had to say goodbye to Ryan.  That was so scary.  I wished he could've been with me.  I'd tear up & stop the whole time I was walking to the waiting area.  I was so emotional but was trying to be strong.  Once laying in the bed, all prepped & almost ready to go, I just let the tears come.  I thought about our son Connor back at home, 7 hours away, with my parents and I missed him so much, my whole body ached.  My wonderful husband who was waiting for me and who has been such a trooper.  Even my dog, Cody.  We had to have him put to sleep on Aug. 27.  He was 12 years old and had been having seizures and had a massive one.  I had been counting on his company once I'd be home.  He'd been thru everything with us.  He was our firstborn, got him at 5 weeks old.  Was my best friend.  Gosh, I miss him so much.  So many emotional feelings & thoughts scurrying around in my brain.  It wouldn't shut off.  I was relieved with they gave me a sedative.  I was so tired of thinking, I believe I was out by the time they laid me on the table.  If they asked me to count backwards, well, then I hope I gave them numbers in english & not some jibberish cause I sure as heck don't remember anything.  

Next thing I knew, I was in the recovery room.  Said everything went as planned.  He even cleaned up some scar tissue from my gall bladder surgery.  But I was having a very difficult time coming out of anesthesia.  My throat was sore from the tube & I was so thirsty, I thought my lips were turning inside out.  But I couldn't stay awake & they put some nasal prongs in me with some oxygen.  I vaguely remember being wheeled into my room & saw Ryan there.  I'd doze off & wake up suddenly because I'd stop breathing.  It was really scary.  After a few times of that, Ryan said later that he just moved his chair to the edge of my bed & would just watch me breathe & when my chest would get shallow, he'd wake me up before I'd gasp.  It took a good day & 1/2 to get to where I was more awake & could force myself to stay awake.  I had pain.  I'm not going to lie.  I had read so many blogs on here about how they felt little to no pain after a few days.  I wish that I could say the same.  I could only swab my mouth with water, still couldn't drink anything.  I had to drink that dye as they xrayed me to see if there was any leakage.  (Shiver, nasty tasting drink #2)  There wasn't.  I'd try to get up & walk as much as I could.  I was very nauseous & woke up out of a dead sleep with dry heaves.  My new friend that I met on here, Susie, was kind enough to come visit/meet me after my surgery.  While I can't remember everything about our visit, lol, I do greatly appreciate that she took the time to visit me & encourage me.  Meant a lot to me & Ryan.

I was in the hospital for 4 days.  Dr. F. wanted to make sure I was feeling better before having to take the long drive home.  He is so nice.  Very understanding & easy to talk to.  So is Dr. Luu & Lesley.  On Thursday, the day I was getting ready to leave, I started hurting in my side where they made an incision for the camera to go thru.  Well, they had to cut thru that muscle for the camera & the stapler to go thru & then sew it back up to prevent from getting any hernias.  That has been the hardest thing yet to overcome for me.  I hurt nonstop for 10 days straight, when I saw them again for my f/u.  I couldn't get up on my own out of bed, sit on the toilet without almost dropping off of it, walk, get dressed...I had no idea that would hurt so freaking bad.  As of today, I still am having some pain, but it's more like a really bad toothache now.  My entire midsection aches & my back is so sore.  The dr's say it will get better, sometimes it takes a while for that to reconnect & heal.  So I'm praying that this will not be forever.  I don't know if I could bear it.  I still can't drive without hurting get in & out of the car from the twisting.  If I do try it, I pay for it later.  I'm glad it's getting better day by day, I just wish it'd quit taking it's own sweet time about it.

I've been going thru a lot of emotions these past few weeks since the surgery.  I've been very depressed, as much as I hate to say it.  I don't believe I was as prepared for all of this as I thought I was.  Mentally, I mean.  It's been harder than I thought.  While I know that somewhere in me I did do the right thing...choosing to live for me & my family as opposed to continue down the destructive eating path I was following...I have really wondered what have I done to myself.  Maybe I should've just tried harder, broken down & tried Nutrisystem at the price of my husband's truck payment a month (shaaa), tried Weight Watchers for the 5th time, tried Slimfast for the millionith time, the grapefruit diet again...but it would've all ended up the same way as before...I know I needed this help, this 'tool'.  I just have to figure it out & give it time, give me time to be able to read what my new body is telling me.  Haven't quite figured it out yet.  Before, I could tell what my body was doing, how I felt, when I had to go the bathroom, when I felt hungry, etc.,..this is all new to me now.  I'm expecting too much too fast, I guess.  And I'm just not sure where I should be at by now.  It's a whole new ballgame now & I have to learn the rules all over again...

I haven't felt like posting because I wanted to get the negativity out of my system before I did it.  I hadn't felt like seeing anyone, talking to anyone...gotten into that poor me mentality that I just despise.  I really piss myself off sometimes, let me tell you.  I met a new friend today, Brenda, who has helped me pick my head up again after feeling so low for so long.  And to Jessica, reading her posts has been a great help to me, as well as, her advice & encouragement.  And of course, Susie.   I've met some very wonderful people on here & I thank all of you for answering my questions & concerns & for being so encouraging. 

My 1 month f/u is on Oct. 11.  So far, as of today, I've lost 25 pounds.  I wish, I wish, I WISH I had measured myself before the surgery.  I know I've lost some inches but my stomach is still too tender to try any old pants or shorts on right now.  But I can see my collarbone now.  I hadn't seen it in 14 years.  

I don't want to be a downer to anyone who is looking to having this surgery.  But I want to be honest about how I, personally, reacted to this surgery.  I know not everyone has had these problems & there are some out there who have had far worse than me.  I believe in my heart I did the right thing.  It's definately not an "easy way out" as some like to think.  Gosh, anyone who will say that to me, pain or not, I'm gonna sock them.  And, did anyone notice this?  I would like to say that I have seen more food commercials this past 3 weeks than I feel like I have in my life.  My son & I was watching Spongebob & I wanted a crabby patty like nobody's business.  Or maybe it's just because my addiction has been taken away & I'm noticing them a whole heck of a lot more.  Head hunger.  Jeez.  What a nightmare that was.  I still have my moments but the first 2 weeks for me was sheer torture & torment.  I literally felt like I could be going thru food withdrawals.  It was nuts.  I don't dream & if I do, I never remember them.  Let me tell you something...I don't know if it's all because of the lack of food & the darvocet combined but I had some real funky dreams those first couple of weeks all about food.  I can't make this stuff up.  I woke up with my hand outstretched like I was reaching into my fridge for a Vanilla Coke one night.  Yeah.  Seriously.  It's funny what tricks your mind plays on you.  

Okay, well that long blog surely makes up for the lack of posting these past several weeks.  I will try my best to keep up the blogs.  Take care & good night!

Well, today was my son's 1st day in kindergarten.   Tomorrow is his 1st full day at school.  I did fine today, cause he got to come home.  Tomorrow is another story.  I'm so excited for him & he's very excited.  It's going to be fine, but, well, it's just hard.  I found some baby pics last night that I was going thru.  He was a preemie, born at 32 wks and weighed 3 lbs 12 oz.  He has done so well.  Right on track, sharp as a tack, doesn't miss anything.  I'm so proud of him.  He's my life.  He's my inspiration & he deserves a healthier mother. 

I'm getting more nervous about my date.  I've been reading some profiles on here & it seems that the last several I've read, they've had nothing but problems since then.  A lot of dumping and just not being able to eat any kinds of meat, becoming hyperglycemic, etc.  I know the few that I read that has had a bad experience, there are 5 times more who've had a positive outcome from this.  And I'm absolutely sure about my surgeon's ability, no doubt in my mind.  It's just psychological.  

While you eat, I know that you shouldn't drink while you eat cause you get fuller faster.  Does everyone do this?  Or can you take tiny little sips if you're just very thirsty?  And do you eat your protein first then the veggies?  Does anyone have any good protein shakes they would recommend?  Something that doesn't taste like ?

I'm having such a hard time picturing myself looking differently.  I get a thought in my head that I need to start going thru my clothes but then I don't because, while I'm ecstatic over the thought of losing weight & becoming more healthy again, part of me is scared because I'm losing what I've known for so long.  Which is not the best way to live but do you understand what I mean?  Like when I cut my hair, my long hair was my security blanket cause it surrounded my face & I could 'hide'.  I'm invisible like this.  I'm a private person.  Once I start losing, I'm going to be getting all this attention & I'm not comfortable with that.  I'm not a recluse or anything but I'm just a reserved person.  I don't know if that made any sense to anyone but oh well...it's my jumbled mind at work right now.  I asked my husband what he was looking forward to once I started losing weight and he said that he hoped that I would be in a better mood more, more happy again.  I guess I've been so depressed about myself for so long, my fake smile just doesn't cut it anymore.  So I'm looking forward to being more positive with myself & happy again.  I hope I don't have any problems afterwards.  I'm really nervous about that.  I will follow the directions to the letter & might actually accomplish something in my life.  

Thanks for letting me ramble...

08/08/08

Oh my gosh.  I have a date.  It's Sept. 10.  Three days after my 11 yr. anniversary.  I am so nervous but I am so excited!  I am having a really difficult time picturing myself any other way than what I am now.  I just can't see it, you know?  I look at these before & after pics of all these people & think, "there's no way that will be me!"  But it will be!  I can't wait to see what I'm going to look like.  I'm going to start buying some vitamins and I made an appt. with a dietician in my area to learn more about good foods & bad foods & all that jazz. 

I am so excited!  This is what my heart is doing===!  

Please keep me in your prayers...

I met with Dr. Frantzides on July 19.  My husband, our 5 yr old & I piled in the car and drove 6 hrs to meet him.  First of all, let me just say that driving 6 hrs with a 5 yr old is very trying, let alone driving thru Chicago (which we had never done! We from So. IL & have 1 stoplight, mmmkay?)  Overall, he was a trooper but for a while there, we thought we were lost for sure & at each turn, Connor is like, "are we there yet?  Why is it taking so long?  All I see are dumb cars and dumb buildings.  There's a hotel!  Let's go there now."  Poor kid.  The truth is on the way back, we did keep seeing hotels that we wanted to look at but we couldn't figure out how to GET there! 

Anyway, I met Dr. F. for the 1st time and I just knew I had found the right one.  I thought he was very nice, very sure, extremely thorough & pleasant.  He really does have a great, friendly smile.  I told him that it was his smile from his website that made me feel like I should see him...he found that amusing but was gracious.  Nevermind the fact that his experiences & publications speak for themselves...anyhoo, my husband & I both like him & his staff very much.

I have my appt. with my PCP this Monday (8/5/07) for all the bloodwork, ekg, & xrays that he requires to be done.  Then I guess I'll contact his office & see where we go from there.  Oooohhhh....butterflies swirling in my stomach!