QueenBusyBee

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I can hardly believe it's been 5yrs.  I went from 300 lbs to 170 lbs.  My body has settled into to a body weight of 190 lbs.  I fluctuate between 185 and 195.  As I've learned over the years this is a tool and not a quick fix.  I do not regret having the surgery.  It gave me the ability to help control my eating habits until I could form better and more healthy ones.  Anyone considering bariatric surgery needs to keep this in mind.  Also if your are like me and you use food as a coping mechanism you really need to find a good support group.  It's not about being a size 0 or being 5'8" and weighing the ideal weight of 145lbs.  It's about being HEALTHY and learning to love and accept yourself.  Change what you can change and learn to accept the things you cannot.  God will help you know the difference

Well we got that over with Tuesday (7/26).  Everything went smooth and everyone was friendly except for on radiology tech.  I just messed up her day by showing up.  I had the following test run:  lab work, EKG, 2 chest x-rays; barium swallow; pulmonary function test and a blood gas done.  My veins decided to roll and the x-ray tech gave me the barium room temp, talk about gagging a person.  The last two barium swallows I had done they had the contrast chilled.  But that was nothing compared to the pain of the blood gas.  I am a pretty tuff gal; but I teared up on that one.

So after all the morning fun I had to go to see the Pulmonologist.  I almost lost it in his office.  He was so negative.  Some of his questions were: 

“You know people your size die more form surgery than the average size person”

“Your 1^st surgery failed, why do you think this one will work?”

“Are you sure you’ve tried everything?”

“Have you tried Overeaters Anonymous, counseling, Weight Watchers?”

“Why did Dr. Jones send you to me; you’ve got great lung function, no high blood pressure, I don’t understand?”

 

If that skinny as a rail jerk had said have you tried just pushing back from the table I would have grabbed the blood pressure cuff wrapped it around his neck and pumped for all I was worth.

 I know he was trying to be informative and frank, but he was just a complete butt in my opinion and very rude.

As I sit here typing I am so full of emotions – joy, excitement, dread and fear of the unknown.  Joy and excitement of knowing I am finally going to have the surgery/tools to help free myself from the tyranny of food. Joy and excitement of knowing that I will have the ability to move about with more ease.

On the down side I dread the recovery process.  The boys and I will be staying with my parents in Louisiana while I recover.  My husband works long hours and doesn’t have enough time to take off from work.  He will be with me while in the hospital, but will only be able to be with us on the weekends during my recovery.  My parents live out in the country.  They do not have internet service. They just recently had satellite TV installed (just for their grandbabies of course).  So back to my days of childhood – cats, cows, and crickets.  The boys on the other hand are beside themselves with excitement.  Tractor rides, frog wrangling, and an endless supply of dirt to dig in.  I am truly grateful for my parents allowing us to stay with them and but I have turned in to quite the city girl over the years.  My parents would be greatly hurt if I did not come and stay with them.  I am a true blue Daddy’s Girl.  My Daddy is so excitied about me having surgery. They expect me to stay for six weeks.

I still have fears that this surgery will fail.  I know that I must work with my surgery.  I just remember what I have been through with the SRVG.  The board has been a tremendous help in information and support.  I know this is what I should do.  I have turned into a “Pan-ist” over the years – everything will pan out in the end.  However it’s all the shaking and sifting that gets to me.

 1.  My health

 2.  Tired of hurting

 3.  To be able to run and play with my kids for more than 5 minutes

 4.  To able to go up and down my basement stair with laundry and not  have ugly words pop in my head

 5.  Worrying if I get in someone else’s car will the seat belt fit

 6.  Worrying how I am going to get out of the back seat of a two door car

 7.  Worrying if I am going to fit in that chair without breaking it

 8.   Not to worry about the weight limit on ladders and such

 9.  The ability to find that perfect blouse on the clearance rack at the consignment shop for a $1  and raid my mother’s closet. (long story behind that one – but you get the idea)

 10.  I want to look better than I did in high school for my 25^th high school reunion. (long story there too)

 

 

Well the countdown has begun 26 days to go!!  Friday I had my physical and passed with flying colors.  Dr. Jones went over the surgery and all the possible complications again.  He and his staff are so nice.  I love the fact the he is very open and honest about it all.  He has been doing bariatric surgery for 30 years.  He has a very pleasant personality and tells you just like it is.  I go the morning of June 26^th to the hospital for all of my pre-op testing and  that afternoon to the Pulmonary Specialist.   

I am beside myself right now with joy but at the same time fear--fear of going through all of this again only to have it fail.  Even though my first surgery will be almost 12 years to the date of my DS – I still have very vivid memories of my surgery recovery and learning a new lifestyle. This time I have a husband and two little boys to factor into the equation too.  My husband is very support of me having the surgery but at the same time extremely nervous too.  I plan to take the next several weeks and educate my family as much as possible and hopefully this will help all of us cope with the changes a little better.

I would like to loose around 130 lbs.  I am presently dealing with PCOS, GERD, Hypo-thyroidism, metabolic syndrome, L1-L5 disc bulges, depression, anxiety and sleep apnea.  Pretty much I can’t sleep, it hurts to move and I can look at food and gain wait. – Sad picture isn’t it.  It’s been really rough the last 6 months and I am considered a pretty tough old gal.  OK enough of the pity party.  Like my husband says there hasn’t been enough cheese for all my whine lately.