Kathy1212

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I had my surgery 12 days ago, and was on Optifast for 3 weeks before that.  I just realized that in all that time, I haven't felt one bit of shame.  No shame!

It's like a miracle, as shame was my constant companion before this.  I'd try so hard to not eat the wrong foods, and fail, almost every day. I'd start the days off great, be good all day, and like clock work, ruin things by eating something I shouldn't before bed, even if it meant i had to jump in the car, run to the store, and buy something (like crazy bread from Pizza Hut) to do so.

Shame was my constant horrible companion for years, and I just realized for over a month, I have been completely shame free.

Instead, it's been replaced by self confidence. I can do this!

Best NSV ever!

My Dad took me to the grocery store today.  I wanted to go to the Met because I love the Met and know the store inside and out and could have been in and out in 10 minutes, but my Dad wanted to go to the other, bigger store that I hate because he gets points there.  We were there for an entire hour, and it was so packed I was terrified someone would crash their cart into my incisions.  It worked out fine though, and I got a lot of walking in, which was good.

I got most of the items on my list (cottage cheese, greek yogurt, cream soups, refried beans, etc), but still need a few more things for my puree stage.  No hurries though, as I don't start that for another 3 days.

I had a medicine cup (30 ml) of fat free cottage cheese today and it was so yummy.  4 grams of protein too, according to myfitnesspal.

I have been really focusing on getting my water in today and tried some chocolate herbal tea too.  It was delish, but I could only get a few sips down before I had enough.  I think I'll try peppermint tea next time.

I'm behind on my shakes because of shopping, so I probably will have to stay up extra late.  That's too bad, as shopping wiped me out and I'm fighting to stay awake now.  I also got really hot shopping, then really cold when I came home. I changed, washed up, bundled up, and am now sitting with a heating pad.

I've been coloring in my adult coloring book to pass the time and now want to go out and get a bigger pack of pencil crayons.  I only have 24 colors and would like at least 48, lol.  I'd like to add a photo here but it won't let me.  Oh well.  I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.  Maybe a short nap will help.

I"m sitting with my legs folded under me, in a way I haven't sat for years and years!  My flexibility is coming back; yay!

My doctor called in a repeat of my pain killers and the pain is manageable again. 

I'm sipping on bananas and cream premier protein and ice water, watching fat snow flakes fall outside my window while I'm all warm and cozy inside.

Life is good.

I was 304 at the start of Opti, 281 the day of surgery, and am 271.2 today, so that's 9.8 Ibs lost in my first week post op, and 32.8 Ibs altogether!  It's actually 1 week and 1 day since surgery but I only had access to my scale since last night, and I was so tired after my late flight was delayed by an hour that I just went to bed when I got home.

It is really good to be home.  As soon as I walked through the door late last night, my parrot Smokey yelled, "Hi Kathy!"  I said, "Hi Smokey, how are you?"  She said, "Not bad; how bout you?"  I cracked up, as saying "not bad" is new, and something she obviously picked up from my father, lol. I asked her if she had missed me, and she said, "Ya!"  My Dad told me she tried to bite him when he filled her food and water dishes every day, so I asked, "Did you bite grandpa?" and she said, "Hahahahahahha!  Ya!"  She's such a funny girl, and so smart.  She made it so much easier to come home to a house without Benji.  His little chair was bare, no pillows, no doggy stairs leading up to the chair, no blankies, and no Ben.  I know he was old and had a good long life; I just wish I could have been with him at the end.  He went peacefully in his sleep, so that brings me comfort.

We only have 1 washroom and it is upstairs.  The stairs are long and steep and it just about killed me to climb them, so I will be staying upstairs for a few days, until the pain is gone.

Every day the pain is a bit better, but walking up stairs is hard and walking down them is worse.  So I'm all set up in my old bedroom, with my computer and phone and my Mom will bring me my ice water and protein shakes.

I am lucky to live in a border city because I was able to order Premier Protien in 5 different flavors at the Walmart on the US side. I don't know why Canadian Walmarts don't carry it.  So I ordered it and paid for it and my Dad went to pick it up for me, and now I have Premier Protein in Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberries and Cream, Banana Cream, and Caramel.  I was only able to get in one protein shake in Toronto before I left for the airport yesterday, so I had a Strawberries and Cream shake when I got home last night, and it was yummy.  I had a sip every time I woke up in the night, and finished it by 5 AM, lol.  I'm looking forward to having a Banana cream shake for breakfast/lunch.  It takes ages to drink one; I pour it into those tiny little medicine cups that I was given by the nurse at the hospital, so that I won't overfill the pouch or have to feel uncomfortable, and it really works.

Well, I'm still in the hospital because I was in so much pain that I almost passed out twice, once last night at around 4 AM when I was walking back from the chapel, and once this morning while I was brushing my teeth.

My pouch and I are learning how to get along, lol.  It likes water, cold or ice water is fine.  It is OK with milk mixed with protein powder, but only a few spoons.  It likes jello.  This afternoon they served cream soup and OMG, bad idea.  I dipped the spoon, licked it, and immediate pain.  They brought a different kind of cream soup for supper and I licked the spoon and had immediate pain again.  I also can't eat cottage cheese yet, which is too bad as I like cottage cheese.  I was too afraid to try the yogurt.  All together I only had a few spoons of food all day.  Yesterday I was able to drink all of my clear beef broth, so I don't think my pouch is ready for full fluids yet. Tea, decaf coffee, and diet lemonade are all out of the question. 

I'm hoping I'll be OK with premier protein as I have a lot of it. It feels very weird to not feel hungry at all, and yet, my stomach is growling.  I told the surgeon and he said it is likely my remnent stomach growling.  I feel so sorry for it. I don't like to think of it at all.

My roomie today is a lovely lady who will be 92 on April 1st.  She is absolutley beautiful with big blue eyes and white curls. She has the most amazing life stories.  I'm really enjoying chatting with her.

I was really shocked by how bad the pain is.  I knew there would be pain, and I expected it, but had no idea it would be this bad, between a 7-10 all the time on a pain scale.

Walking, moving from lying to standing, and coughing are agony, but I have been walking a lot.

St. Joe's is an old fashioned Catholic hospital, with a crucifix in every room, a huge statue of Jesus in the entrance, lots of stained glass windows, and a beautiful chapel just down the hall from me. I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic school (St. Joseph's elementary and Mount St. Joseph's College High School), so it's funny and nice to be at yet another St. Joe's.  I was sitting in the chapel, in pain, looking at poor Jesus on the cross, in greater pain, last night, and it was a very moving experience.  The Glory and Praise Hymnal was full of songs I used to sing back when I sang in the choir, as a child, teen, and later as an adult.

I've moved away from the church, and it was kind of nice to be back.  The chapel was comforting. 

I know every day will get easier, but I sure wish I was one of those people who wonder if they've even had surgery because they don't feel any different.  I'm getting discharged in the morning and have to stay in a room in Toronto until the 7th before I can fly home again.  My friend Leslie is staying with me.  Hopefully I'll feel more relaxed in our room.  It's hard to get any sleep here in the hospital.

Today is my last day of Optifast!  I think I'm going to miss it, lol.  I'm down 21 Ibs, and I lost 4.5 inches off my waist, and over 10 inches all together. 

I'm flying out of the Sault at 11 and will arrive in Toronto at 12:20, at the Billy Bishop (not Billy Bob, like i keep saying, lol) airport.

Thank goodness I'm not coughing today, so far, and I slept through the night with no problems.  Yesterday I had a dry cough, more like a tickle in my throat, and this morning I needed to clear my throat and that's it. 

I'm so mad that "shark week" arrived late last night, just in time to be at it's worst today and tomorrow.  I hope that won't affect my surgery, and I hope to God they'll allow me to wear underwear so I won't die from shame.  I watched one lady's video and they didn't allow her to wear underwear and it's been freaking me out ever since.  Gosh, I'm 52 years old; i wish shark week would just go away. I was a few days late this month too; it would have been so much better to be a few days early.  Oh well; nothing I can do about it. Sorry for the TMI.

My Dad is driving me to the airport; I hope the roads aren't too icy today.  My friends are picking me up at Billy Bishop, and the one friend who told me she'd stay with me through surgery last night informed me she probably would just stay with me until I'm taken away for prep, and then come back later once I'm awake. I should be OK with that because there's really nothing she can do, but I"m kind of freaking out because I would rather have been told from the start that she wasn't going to stay with me so I wouldn't have counted on her.  She's been so helpful and there's really no need for anyone to be there while I'm out, but it does feel weird to know nobody will be there with me if anyone goes wrong.  Not that I expect or even worry that anything will.  I know my parents were expecting updates from her too, and I was hoping she'd hold my purse. She said she'd take my purse home with her but I really hate the thought of being without it.  I'm probably worried over nothing.  I just know if the roles were reversed, I'd never consider leaving.

I can't beleive I will be flying back to Toronto in 4 days, and having surgery, God willing, in 5.

I am still coughing and blowing my nose like crazy (tmi) but last night I slept through the night without waking up from coughing/wheezing, and today I don't feel all achey and painful so hopefully things are on the mend.

I sure hope and pray that this cough will go away before surgery, that my lungs are still clear.  My asthma is getting triggered from this cold, and for some reason my allergie are acting up.  It could be because we had our January Thaw here in the Sault, and every time we have a thaw I get sick because the molds in the snow are released.  Everything is freezing back up again and we have a winter weather alert...major snow flurries with whiteouts. So hopefully that will be enough to stop the snow molds from triggering my allgeries, which trigger my asthma.

Ever since I started this process over 2 years ago I was adamant that I did NOT want a winter surgery because I get sick every winter.  I repeated myself so much but of course nobody ever listens to me.  When I was given Feb. 1st as my date, I asked if I could wait until spring but was told if I didn't take the date I'd have to wait much longer than spring, probably until next fall and possibly winter, so I took the date.  I just hope and pray it will all work out, and that I've turned the bend and am starting to heal and get better.

I've had bronchitis and pnuemonia many times and do not want it after surgery when my body needs to heal.  I know anesthesia makes it easier to get pneumonia (not sure why) so I'm hoping everything will be fine.

OK, I'm off to drink my chicken broth now.

I got on the scale this morning and was THRILLED to see the weight say 284.8.  I was worried that it might be up a bit because I couldn't take my water pill for a few days due to being sick, plus I couldn't eat or drink until after 7 PM yesterday, doctor's orders, while i was having tests done.  So I drank 3 Opti and a cup of soup broth between 8PM and 1 AM.  I could not get the 3rd in and probably shouldn't have forced the second as I felt uncomfortably full.

So, that's 19.2 Ibs total. 

Starting weight:   304

Week 1 Opti:       298

Week 2 Opti:       284.8

I was in the 280's for a very long time before my weight crept up to 304. I can't wait to reach the 270's, as that was another stall point for me, where my weight settled there for a few years.  It will be nice to get back there and lower.  Only 4.8 Ibs until I reach the 270's; I wonder if I can do that in my final week of Opti or if the weight loss will slow down after such a big loss this week?  It doesn't seem possible for it to keep going down so quickly, and so much.

Yay Optifast!

I also lost inches!

I'm down 0.5 inches on my chest, 3 inches on my waist (wow!), 1 inch on my thigh, 0.5 inches on my neck, 2 inches around my belly, 1.5 inches on my upper arm,  for a total of 8.5 inches down.  My hips stayed the same and my calf went up by 0.5 inches, and so did my ankle, for a total of 1 inch gained.  That will go down again as my legs are swollen from not taking my water pill for 2 days.

I'm VERY happy about the 3 inches down on my waist and 2 inches down on my belly.  Those are the places I need to lose the most.

Today was not fun.  I've been sick for the past few days and I called my surgeon's office to find out if there was anything I'm not allowed to take, prescription wise, before surgery, and was told I need to be seen by a doctor, and call them back after.

I couldn't get in to my doctor, or the same day clinic, and wasted over 2 hours on hold just to find that out.  So I had to go to the ER instead, and ended up coughing so hard I got a sudden, excruciating pain in my abdomen that wouldn't go away for over 2 hours.  If I stood up it felt better so I couldn't even sit down, even though I was feeling lightheaded from the pain.  It was bad.

My asthma and coughing was so bad they were worried I might have pneumonia and i was devasted to hear that.  They sent me for lots of tests, xrays, bloodwork, ECG, etc., and all of the tests came back great.  I do not have pneumonia, or even bronchitas. It's just a silly cold triggering my asthma.  The doctor told me to get plenty of rest and plenty of fluids and I should be fine by the time I have surgery on Feb. 1st.

That was such great news!  I was thrilled to hear that.

I was at the hospital from 11 AM until 8 PM and wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything until after all of the tests, at around 7 PM. I couldn't eat anything because I'm on optifast, and they just brought me a tiny styrafoam cup of ice water to drink, but it was heavenly.  I was sooo thirsty. It took 3 different nurses 6 times to get my blood, and they all said I had bad veins, which I'm always told, but they were able to get my blood the first time at St. Joseph's and when I commented that I usually have a hard time they told me (at St. Joe's) that my veins are just fine. So I think they are probably not trained properly here in the Sault.

I've only had 2 of my Optifasts and a cup of clear chicken broth, and it's already close to 11 PM and I don't think I can manage  a third shake, let alone a 4th.  That bothers me because I want to be as strong as I can be for surgery, and I need all 4 shakes to get my full days worth of vitamins, which I believe are very important, especially when sick.  I'll try to get at least one more in before bed.

I am so relieved that I should be fine for surgery.

This morning I was drinking my hot lemon tea, and I heard a big thump from the kitchen.  I asked my Mom if she had dropped anything and she didn't answer me. I asked if she was Ok and she said "I fell."   I asked if she was OK again and she didnt' respond.  I jumped up and ran to the kitchen and found her unconscious, sitting on the floor, leaning against the dish washer. I guess she passed out, fell, tried to get up, and passed out again. I couldn't get her to respond to my voice or my touch so I called for an ambulance and yelled upstairs to wake my Dad up.  They've both been sick with the flu for a week and refused to see a doctor.  My Dad was groggy and didn't understand why I wanted him at first and it took awhile for him to wake up fully and come downstairs.  While I waited, I saw all of the muscles in my Mom's face and neck sort of ripple, like they were contracting and loosening.  It looked like a seizure.

My Dad came downstairs and called for my Mom but she wouldn't respond, so he slapped her face, lightly, several times, and kept calling her, and she woke up.  Then she asked what our problem was and we told her she had passed out and she refused to believe us. I told her I called an ambulance and she got mad and said she was fine.  She normally has a lovely light brown skin tone; she's Italian, and her face looked grey.  She was not very coherent, and said she felt hot, so I gave her a cold compress and a wet face towel to help cool her down.

The ambulance came and the attendants checked her vitals and asked her questions and it took all of us together to convince her to go to the hospital. 

I wanted to go with her in the ambulance but she wouldn't let me and got so agitated when I tried to go that the attendants asked me to stay behind. I said I'd go with my Dad in the truck but she got mad and told me to stay home; she doesn't want me exposed to all the germs in the hospital when I have surgery in 11 days.  So my Dad took a quick bath and then followed in the truck.  I made him promise to see a doctor at the ER while he was there as he's been coughing heavily for over a week.

I just talked to them and my Mom sounds much better.  They gave her fluids via IV because she was dehydrated.  They gave her an EKG and it was fine. She's still waiting to see a doctor.  My Dad saw one already and he has a bad respiratory infection and the doctor told him he will have the cough for another 2-3 weeks. 

My Mom still didn't believe she had passed out so I told her she didn't wake up until my Dad slapped her face, and she put the phone down, and I heard her say to my Dad, "You slapped my face?" He said, "Yes; it was the only way to get you to wake up."  She laughed, thank God (it could have gone either way, lol).

So I am feeling very relieved that she sounds so much better.  Hopefully she'll see the doctor soon and dehydration will be the only problem.

I was so worried I forgot all about my protein shakes and all I had from the time I woke up until 2:30 PM was hot lemon water. I'm havng my first Optifast shake of Day 11 now, at almost 3 PM.

I didn't want to mention it on the forums because I wasn't sure if we need to stay wholly on the topic of WLS or not.

I feel so much better now that my Mom sounds more like herself, and now that my Dad has seen a doctor.  Hopefully my Mom will see one soon and they'll come home.

I often feel bad for moving home as an older adult but my Dad wanted me home after I sold my house.  Today it worked out that it was good that I was here because my Dad would never have known anything was wrong with Mom.