Blueberry81

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So I'm having my revision surgery on September 13th and i have nerves. I'm more nervous now then I was for my initial VSG. I don't know why but imma go see my counselor tomorrow to work through the issue. 

I start my liquid diet on the 6th and right now I'm just self sabotaging. Eating what i shouldn't and eating too often.  Clearly there's an issue i so need help.  I know i can change and do well and succeed. I think I'm just afraid after my first surgery and with RNY so much more can go wrong. I am so afraid of being incompassistated as its a bew school year and my kids need their only parent 

I know i sound pessimistic but i am just being real.  But this afternoon is a new time for me to make better choices and i will. I have to i must this is not a diet its a lifestyle change. Right?!

So i got to the hospital at 7:30am this morning to start the process for my ph test.  The motility test was a little rough the technician was very patient but getting the big tube into my stomach via my nose and throat was a bit hard as my throat is always sore.   The numbing spray worked for a little bit but i sure felt everything.  As the tube goes in you are asked to sip water through a straw continuously.  

Then as the test is conducted you have to swallow some water once... if you swallow more than once the time restarts.... now that was a pain in the ass as i always swallow due to my saliva tries to push down the acid that backs up.... he seemed a little annoyed but i couldn't help it.  

Once that was done the tube was pulled out my nose.... that burn oh my ..... what an unusual sensation. 

Then the 24hr ph tube was inserted in the same nostril. To test that the monitor is working you drink a solution that tastes like vinegar.... can we say instant reflux in q syringe ugh.

Well now its in and everytime you swallow it feels like the tube is being pulled on... oh and the runny nose it causes makes you sniffle every few minutes..

Oh well 20 hrs to go...

So my GERD is still out of control. Going in for a motility test and ph test this week and then revision surgery on September 13th....

My weight loss has stalled and I've been stuck without losing weight for the last month.  I haven't been eating right and my kitchen has been under construction for the last month. This really sucks.... 

But it must get better......

Finally saw my surgeon today... what an ordeal but my barium swallow was ok minus confirming severe GERD. 

Now i have to do an esophageal test and motility test. My surgeon said as long as my esophagus is ok he will revise me RNY in September. 

I am so stressed out but it will get better it has to....

Down 36 lbs looking great but feeling like crap as everything hurts.

Life!

So what's new?

I am 33 pounds down at 10 weeks post op.  I still have severe GERD and abdominal pain.  I was in the hospital twice last week.

Today I went and did the barium swallow first they gave me some white mini fizzy stuff that look like pixie stick candy.  This stuff was to expand my stomach. It caused a lot of gas and they said not to burp. The barium tasted like chalk with  a little Stevia in it. They wanted me to take big sips and i literally was gagging and then throwing it up.  The doctor who was viewing the test kept yelling just swallow just swallow as i was gagging.

The technician was really sweet and understanding explained what she required. At one point I was just constantly heaving i threw up in the barium liquid and the doctor was like just drink it.... i was like hell no you must be mad.

The technician asked if i needed a fresh cup i tried not to roll my eyes and said yes.  Then she appeared with a marshmallow.  She's said swallow it.  I seriously thought she was crazy. If i can barely get thick liquids down how am i going to get this marshmallow down. 4 mins later after heaving gagging and nearly choking. The marshmallow went down with the barium liquid.  It was painful and uncomfortable but i survived the ordeal.

Then i had to go do xrays in a different room as the room i was in bed had a weight limit of 297lb. I was so embarrassed as i was too heavy to stand on the edge of the machine. 

So that being said I had to do about 10 xrays of my abdomin.  Then as i finish the technician says the barium may cause constipation.  Ummm really i can't imagine being more constipated than i am now.

Just got home from spending 12 hrs in the ER the doctors only conclusion is that i should consider having revision surgery as they aren't 100% sure why my GERD is so severe considering I never had it pre sleeve....  the dr said my sleeve is very narrow. 

He reluctantly gave me pain meds so i can sleep at night and wished me good luck.

Ugh this is so frustrating..... I had a good few cries today as i just need to get back to being ME.  Totally dont want to be living this life right about now.   I have 8 days until my barium swallow and I'm hoping it has answers to my problems......

#depressed #sad #BuyersRemorse 

I've been having a rough time.  I still can't eat without pain. I have no energy. I am sitting her at my local hospital thinking i should of taken thw hour driveto where i had surgery. 

My pancreas pain has been constant for last few days.   It all started to get drastically worse when my daughter who has ASD, ADHD and anxiety had a meltdown on july 1st.  She literally tried to beat me during her rage.  

I am not sure if its just stress thats making my pancreas or gerd worse but I'm so over life as it is right now. I am so regretting this surgery right now. Wish i could give up but i can't. 

Whoever reads this i don't need an intervention I'm just venting as I'm so tired of being unwell.

I think I've hit my first stall for the last week I've been fluctuating between 345 and 343. Today I'm 344 ugh. This sucks!  I know its common was just hoping it wouldn't happen so soon after surgery.... since june 5 2017 I'm only down 10 to 12 pounds....

Gotta get my lazy butt off the couch....

So need to exercise or go for a walk!

So today is officially my 7th friday since i had surgery.  Its 4am and i have been up for a while nursing my GERD trying to figure out how i will be able to sleep as i have a busy morning.

I guess I should let you know how i ended up in this situation.  On Wednesday i woke up feeling blah my mom took the kids to daycare as i just couldn't.  About 2 hrs later i felt great i had energy. I felt like superwoman minimal heartburn and no pancreas pain so i didn't take any medication. (STUPID) IS I ran errands probably lifted stuff i shouldn't.  I cooked n organized. I spoke on the phone way to long. I joined a friend for brunch  (no i didn't eat) went and visited my aunt went for a walk. I did it all.

Then as it turned into thursday morning i still felt great. So i was hungry i decided to have a protein shake. Oh my lord it hit me like a 10 ton elephant. The GERD and pancreas pain went from 0 to 10 000 in 30 secs i was sweating and shaking and nauseous. I was holding onto the couch for dear life. I took my meds sat down and once again i couldn't get the kids out the door to daycare.  I had to down play the pain as my mother would probably tell me off and yell.

I had a few appointments prebooked but not until noon.  So i road the waves of pain took out my braids. Ran to my daughter school as she tore her pants.  Went to my first appointment was sweating and feeling queezy. I figured well if imma feel like this and be hungry i might as well eat well sure enough that made my pancreas upset. Called my surgeon again and left a message as Water crackers tums all were like world war 3 on the left side of my body. 

But of course my day didn't end there. I sat through a 90 minute session on anxiety and depression as i have issues all while in pain. Met my mom and kids at the hairdressers sat there and waited another 60 minutes for kids to be done. Then had to drive mom 45 mins west of there and drive an hour back east to get home.

Didn't get home until after 9pm..... did i fail to mention i left my sacred bag of meds at home when i first left before noon.... right... so i went to my room took some meds hoping for some relief. I got very little but at 3am they totally wore off so I'm stuck until 9am before i can take more.

So I'm here propped up on my right side on 4 pillows unable to laydown on my leftside due to abdominal pain.  Can't go on my back due to GERD. And yup in too much pain to sleep.

I know there's a light at the end of this miserable tunnel i just wish i could glimpse it now.....

What I've learnt is even when i feel good don't over do it. The repercussion is 10 000 times worse......

BLUE.......

Oh man oh man oh man.... this pancreas pain has been tormenting me badly since last week.  My 3 yr old had a birthday invite today so i took her earlier today. 1 hour into it I had the shakes severe abdominal pain so i let her bounce on the trampoline and in the castle as i tried to hydrate myself.

I swear drinking just made it worse. I turned to a freezie as maybe my sugars were too low.  I then realized this is not going to work i need pain meds but i wouldn't take them and then drive with her as they make me feel high as I'm not eating.

Got home took 1 percocet and then sat on the couch in half a daze. 3 hrs later I'm still sitting here high as high from 1 percocet.  Its amazing how your body absorbs things differently after surgery.

I hate that i gave in and took meds but i so needed it.  I am honestly afraid of becoming addicted to pain meds.....