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Did an all liquid fast yesterday and felt great! i was hungry but only let myself have jello for brkfst, lunch and dinner, had some coffee in between and a yogurt and broth at night. Today i did jello and yogurt until I made dinner and thats when the trouble started. I made rice/beans and broiled porkchops, I added peas of course to my plate.  It was delicious and I took my time eating it. I was fine and had coffee later. Get back home from church and had another piece of porkchop with the peas, no rice and a bag of pocorn.  I don't feel like I should be eating this much. I know my pouch has stretched and I'm trying to shrink it back. Gonna take more than one day I guess.  NOT GIVING UP though. I WILL lose these last 40-50 lbs because I want to feel healthy and light again and I want to have the skin removed! Help me Lord to conquer this battle.

Still here and still struggling. I see that I'm not the only one though.  I can say to myself and to other that this is it, I'm going to start over, but if I only start for one day or when I'm on my own, I haven't really started. I've learned that we are creatures of habit. My snacking habits are back.  I have my good days and then boom here comes a bad day, then a really bad day. I usually pack cheese and wheat crackers for a snack at around 11pm  along with that an apple or strawberries and peaches.  Then I might have a cracher pack with coffee and flavored creamer no sugar  around 1am or 2am and then usually at around 330-430 am I'll have my meal i try to have the meat, veggies and then carb. then sometimes I'll have a yogurt or fruit before 6am.  This is all during a work night from 7pm - 7am.  Then I get home eat some breakfast which usually consist of  1 egg, oatmeal, or grilled ham n cheese sand,  pancake, english muffin or toast, then I usually sleep until about 2pm and then get up n get going with the kids make dinner , eat some dinner and then get ready for work.   Now on a night that I don't work, I usually eat the bad stuff. Tonight it hasn't been that bad. I've had some cookies n milk, but then still was hungry and had 2 jello cups. I feel fine now, but my mind wants to eat, eat, eat. I'ts all in the mind. I need to ground myself in the word of God and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. For goodness sake, Jesus went 40 days without eating and all I can do all day is think about eating. I'm praying for help, mental strength and physical stregnth to start over!

Well, It's been 9 months and still struggling. I'm still gaining but I'm not giving up!  I'm going to start over after the holidays of course, not that I'm gonna pig out but I know I would be setting myself up for failure if I try it this week.  I going to start the liquids over again and give my stomach a break from all this rough food.  I need to get back to eating the right things.  Well for now I'll be writing my intake down and really thinking before I eat.

Well it's been a while and I'm still stuck.  I've been weighing in at  between 225-232.  It stays within that range but I want it to go down.  I think of my goal and It seems so far away that it makes me just want to give up.  My clothing is still fitting big and people still say I'm looking like I'm losing more.  I know I should be exercising more but I really don't have time. I know you all say I should make time but how do I with 3 jobs, me going to school for nursing ( which I don't even know about anymore) and my husband and two kids.  I'm going to be getting a bike soon and I hope that will motivate me to be more active. Well for now I'm still eating my fruits and veggies, trying not to snack in between and still eating on the small plates, but the bad snacks still catch up with me sometimes.  I want to lose more I think it's just the fact that I don't put myself first like I used to in the beginning of the surgery.

Well the boat moved a little!  I've been learing alot about myself and my eating habits.  I'm a binge eater and lately its been one hell of  a mind battle to say no, but I'm getting better.  Making excercise more of a habit and I feel really good when I do it.  I'm writing down what I eat again and that helps me see the binging and bad eating ideas!  Did you know that 2 cups of crunch and munch = 560 calories  .  Won't do that again!  Been eating alot of fruit that helps me stay away from the bad snacks.. So far so good keeping up the struggle. 

Did you see my little boat up there.  It hasn't moved in a while.  I've been stuck at this number for a while.  I know that maybe I'm adding muscle now becuase I have been doing more excercise as much as I can.  I do the steps at work and walking around the block now and then and doing the mile videos now and then is helping me stay active.  It is just a little frustrating because I don't see the number change, but my clothes are big on me (even my new small clothes .  I haven't been to the Dr,. in a while cause I need to save money for the copay but I'll get there soon.  I've been watching what I'm eating and doing good staying away from the soda and junk foods.. They are starting to make me sick now.  Funny hah?  Just wanted to check in  for now.  I'm going to update my pictures once I learn how to upload them.  Well hanging in there for now but doing good!  C-ya

So I've lost three more pounds and doing good.     I've been more active with the kids and the house.  still not on a regular exercise plan and still struggling with the snacks.  Today I got sick and dumped after eating some desert at the chinese buffet.. I don't even know why I go there becuase I pay for the meal and can't even eat it, but anyway I over did it today and paid the price by dumping.. I hate that feeling but I like it because it helped me re-think my eating habits.  I'm going to get back on track with the eating and drinking more water.    I don't want to mess up this liftetime chance.  I feel great and have dropped from a 3x-4x down to a size L,xL shirts and size 20 pants  I need to keep it up.  I did experience a plateau recently that lasted about two months and I'm feeling better now after losing those three pounds, but I now theres more to go.  My goal is to lose 40 more and start looking at skin removal.  For now going to keep up the mental battle with food and exercise.

I finally got a new pair of work pants.  My mom got me a pair of size 1x....... and they fit!!!  I'm s happy because you can really see the difference when I wear my smaller clothes and that makes me feel good.  My husband has been noticing too.  He said my face looks better than when we first got married!  Well for now just trying to keepn up with the healthy snacks and exercising!  Doing good though! 

Finally weighed in today and the scale finally moved!   I've lost 5 pounds this week.  I think it is because I went out with the kids on Monday and went swimming and actually did a 1 mile walk on Tuesday.  Staying away from the junk foods and soda.  Went food shopping and invested in some good snacks for myself.  Been trying to make a habit of working out on my days off.  My days to work are really hard for my life.  I feel like working interferes with my life too much.   Going to school is getting hard especially in the summer because starting next month I'll have to go in the evening and that means cutting down on my swimming  time with the kids but I guess in a few years, it will be all worth it when I'm a nurse and making the money so that I can enjoy more time with my family.  Well for now I'm going to keep working on the eating and exercising.  See ya soon! 

So it's been about a month and I'm down one more pound.  Funny thing is I've been trying to eat like during the earlier months and started to measure my food eating on smaller plates and such but been stuck in this plateau.  Don't know what else to do... but I know I need to do more exercising and picking better snacks and such, but I'm getting better at the eating situation.  I've been going through some stuff at home and I just want to get back to normal.  It's like once I started to worry and take care of myself, the house and bills started to fall apart.  my life is so busy and I don't know how to make it run smoothely and I feel like going on strike but that never works.  But for now I'm still in the struggle.  I'm going to a retreat this weekend and I can't wait to go and relax  and find the peace and quiet I'm missing. 
See ya!