Sarah_M.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I got a free gym membership through my work, so I am trying to take advantage of it.  Even though I am "normal sized", I still feel like I don't belong.  I guess I will never look in the mirror and see what other's see.  I am so self concious.  I actually annoy myself.  I want to be confident, but don;t really know how.  I know my confidence is what holds me back from accomplishing alot of different things in my life, such as a relationship, education, and work situation.  I could be so much more successful if I could work through my issues and see what others see.

Ohh well, on a positive note, I am not nearly as out of shape as I thought I was.  I have been keeping up, if not surpassing the girls I am going to the gym with.  Can't wait for winter to be over and to maybe start running outside.  Right now, it's too cold and sandy on the streets.  I haaaate running on the treadmill.  I feel like I get nowhere, and it is SOOOO boring.

That's all I've got. 

My eating hasbeen disgusting lately.  I need to do better. I know I can do better.  I hate myself for not overcoming my issues with food.  It was silly for me to think that merely changing the size of my stomach would change my need to eat food for comfort.  Okay, so for a year or so, it did, but now 2 years out, every day, actually every minute is a struggle.  I want to eat when i'm bored. I want to eat when i'm happy.  I want to eat when i'm sad.  I want to eat just because!!  Maybe writing things down that are bothering me will keep my mind off food!!  I want to be normal!!!  My appearance may look normal now, but my brain is still miles away from "normal"  

So, It starts here.  I WILL lose the rest of this weight.  I WILL get in shape and be able to run a mile! I WILL stop depending on food and other people to make me happy.  I will do this for myself!!! I can do better!!!, for sure.