Amanda H.
March 29, 2006
I am so so so happy. The consultation went WONDERFULLY!!!!!! Many of my fears about what they would say were quickly dissipated when I first walked back there with Marci. She was so friendly, down to earth(in fact the whole office was like that) and seemed genuinely happy that I was there to get help. She said, you're pretty healthy! When do you want to have surgery?? I was like, what? That's it?? I said, the week before Easter would be great as my mother is a school teacher and could help out with the kiddos. She said April 12th good?? Dr Chung was very laid back, down to earth, and totally understanding of my dealing with weight loss resistance becasue of PCOS. In fact Marci was too b/c she also had PCOS and had the surgery in Novemeber. Anyway, she said she would have me approved tomorrow-as in today- and it wouldn't be a big deal at all. April 12th is the first day of the rest of my life!!!!!
April 2nd- Last Friday I talked with Marcie who told me she needed ot bump me back to the following week b/c so many school teachers needed the week I was scheduled for. So my new date is April 20th. Tricare is dragging their feet with everybody she said, so I don't have an approval yet. I can check online with my insurance and it says it is pending.
April 13th- I was appoved about a week after I went for my first consult. Woohooo! Surgery date is April 18th now. Ok one word, PANIC! Panic is setting in in a major way. I am thinking, is this just a another quick fix I am trying to do. Am I doing this for the right reasons, not to lose 50 lbs in 4 months or whatever. I am a self doubter by nature but also because I ahve a hard time following through with things. I am no good at sticking with it. So here I am, freaking out about all the changes that are going ot happen. Wishing Eric were home from Afghanistan so I could vent and hug and cry. Rather I am here at my parents home this year, and my mom i constantly saying all the things that can go wrong and what I won't be able to do after surgery blah blah blah. Man I wish she would just support me. Now when things are rough after the surgery I will be hearing her voice in my head. Dammit! I want her to say, it will all be ok sweetheart, you are awesome for taking this proactive measure in your life. But she won't, I know that. Today is the first day of the liquid diet and I HATE it! I am hungry. I need to go by GNC and pick up some protein drinks to keep this hunger at bay. 5 day countdown. I think it is fair to say I am NERVOUS!!!!!!
April 15th- Ok I feel calmer today. Just went through a little head game with myself b/c I will never eat the same way again and the thought of forever was scary. My mother is getting better, she admited she was a little jealous, b/c her insurance won't cover it, and some comments were stemming from that. I am praying and hoping so hard I have an easy recovery. I have these little ones counting on me! Still hungry on this liquid diet...I am somewhat liberal in what I am eating, but will go to a total CIB/isopure tomorrow...Marcie you said if it goes through a straw it's ok, although I am not sure you meant a little BBQ chicken with a lot of broth in the blender! LOL! Ok, I am tired, and off to bed.
April 20th- I'm home. Feel like crap but I did it, and do feel incredibly proud of myself. Ok I was SO not prepared for the pain. Everyone I read about and talked to said it was a breeze a walk in the park, they never needed pain meds. NOT ME! I was crying hte first night in so much pain. The demerol they gave my intravenously did not cut it. I could nap for about 2 hours then BAM pain wakes me up and the next 2 hours before the next shot are agony. It was awful. 24 hours after the surgery it was better, a real turning point pain wise. Also they started giving me percocet in pill form which lasted a little longer. I am kind of dizzy now but I wanted to record what I can remember. Nurses at the hospital were awesome. I loved all of them. Dr Chung checked on me and was very nice and professional.
May 4th- What a nightmare. I have spent the past week and a half in the hospital. I developed pnemonia that was incredibly painful abotu two days after coming home from the hospital. It got so bad that I woke up one morning and every breath I took in felt like a knife was stabbing me in the back and chest. I couldn't breath without the pain and I starting crying. Mom called 911 and I was admitted to the hospital. THEN a couple days after being there I developed a massive blood clot that stretched from my neck to my elbow. I was terrified....all kind of thoughts of passing away and leaving my kids behind. It was a total nightmare. I am back now and still feeling really weak and tired. No real food upsets. I went out to eat for the first time and had a soft taco, well about 1/4 of a soft taco, and two chips. It went well! I gotta go to sleep now. Hope to update later.
May 17th- Stronger each day. I am at a stall, it seems to be typical at week 3 and 4 to stall. I know the scale will move again. Pretty much no food intolerances yet. I accidently ate two M&M's when I took out a piece of chex mix and got sick and dizzy and disoriented...I think it was maybe dumping, but a light version of it. It wasn't pleasant. People are already noticing the difference and everyone is so nice about it. I ahven't had any negative comments yet, except what I got from my mom earlier on. I started therapy yesterday to talk about my self sabatoging(sp?) habits. With weight, school etc. She seemed really good and I can't wait to see her again.
May 26th- Well I started worrying I could actually screw up this early and not lose weight. Stupid? Probably, but I have failed many times so I know why I thought it. I hoe I always remember what it is like to be this new out and don't get a cocky attitude when I have lost the weight and people ahve "stupid" questions just like I had. I concentrated on protein yesterday and the scale moved. Another 3 lbs. 42 total Yay!!!!! I am now at 225. Twenty five more lbs till onederland. The therapist is already helping me realize some of my self sabatoging habits. I think it was one of the best moves ever to make that appointment. Eric is out of the mountains for a little while so I have heard a lot from him. I miss him terribly and he is sucha rock for me. Just talking through my recent problems with him felt wonderful. He is so supportive and always my number 1 fan.
June 10- I just realized I have only lost 5 lbs since May 24th. I wonder if that is exceptionallly slow. I am almost back to my old self. I can drink coffee in the morning and a diet coke every couple days. I wonder if that is really bad, hmmm. Feeling great tons of energy and I know the weight will keep coming off. I am off to the pool for now!
June 24- Well I spent about a week in NC and had a great time. Everone thought I was looking good nad it felt good to be in control of what I ate and not the other way around. I still have some emotional eating things, esp in the afternoon. I just feel like I need to eat...something sweet or salty, haha. I was down to 212 in NC and started another period today and was up to 214. So I think after this mess is gone I will settle back to 212 which is feeling great. I can NOT BELIEVE I am almost back to the 100's and back to what I was when I got married, size 14, 191. Stretch 16's are getting loose and reg 16 fit just right. Woohoo!! I ate steak and potato tonight and it went down wonderfully. I guess you can say everything is going well!
July 7th- Well I am waist deep in Summer classes. It is taking up so much time. I am down to 208. I guess I am losing about 2 lbs a week now. 8 more lbs to go to the 100's! My skin seems to be stretching back, I guess I will know for sure in another 50 lbs or so. I haven't heard from Eric in a month so. I really hope and pray everything is ok with him.
July 23- Well I am down to 204 so I guess right now it really is 2 lbs a week. I can eat pretty much whatever. Chicken is worse than beef for me though which is weird. Chicken gets stuck easier and makes me vomit more than any other food. I finally heard from Eric yesterday. He had been in Operation Mountain Thrust for 41 days. He is excited about my loss but most of all just really wants to be home. Oh and I bought size 14 jeans!! They are already are already a little loose. I cant believe it. I haven't been in anything less than a 14 since high school.
Aug 1st- I am on the threshold of onederland!!!!!!!! I am 201.5 as of this morning so I may see 199 as early as tomorrow. I am really concentrating lately on protein and water. I heard a Dr say on NPR the other day, dieting is the best way to gain weight. He was a bariatric dr and he said, just eat your protein first, veggies secind, and carbs if you have room. Other than that just concentrate on when you feel full, and don't drink while you eat. That made a lot of sense to me. I know I have heard that before, but the way he siad it it just clicked. I have been concentrating on that and it has worked well. My therapist also said by thinking of dieting and foood all the time you are putting too much attention on food. She also gave me a technique for stopping an undesired impulse ot eat. I feel good now. Feeling pretty good.
Aug 3rd- I am so loving life right now i can't even explain it. Nothing gets me down! I am 200.5 as of this morning, so hope fully it will say 198.5 tomorrow! 180 is my first goal b/c I will no longer be obese, just overweight. I can not even imagine weighing less than that though. Unfathomable. I am getting hungry in between meals, really hungry. I think that isn't the norm but it is me. I am making some fairly good choices, but need to up my exersize. I am getting so anxious about dh seeing the new me. He won't believe it.
Aug 9th- Ok, frustration is kicking in. I was 201 this morning! Almost a week since my last entry and I am UP .5 lbs. Hmm, it isn't TOM, I have been drinking my water and getting in protein. Well at least 60 grams of it, and staying around 1000 calories. I guess it is time to start really exercising. I went up to the school to drop the kids off at child care and checked out the gym, as I haven't been there in a few years, and they have a cardio room now! Woohoo! Right on. I start today trying to get 45 minutes of cardio in.
Aug 11th- I did start doing cardio, 30 minutes, on the free runnner machine. It is so hard but I love the feeling of accomplishment. Oh yeah and did I mention the scale said 198.0 this morning WOOHOO!!! I am seeing a pattern here, no loss for 6-8 days then 2 lbs. For the past 2 months it seems that way. With an average loss of 10 lbs a month. Oh and in the dog days of summer I wanted to mention I am not drinking any diet cokes...only bottled water. Battling against the heat and threat of dehydration. I drink roughly 70 ozs a day. White meat chicken is still a no no for me. That is the hardest on little pouchie.
Aug 17th- 196.5!
Sept 1st- First major movement since the 17th. I was 195 yesterday and 192 today! Wow. Next goal 180. I am starting to feel slim, it is so strange. I can't get over how much I lvoe my life since surgery. I have really started concentrating on nutrition and exercise, not obsessing abotu calories and carbs...that is so not for me. Rather just trying to get the super foods in my diet daily and eating nutritionally dense foods. I took up biking and love love love it. Other than that I am just starting to get excited about Eric coming home in November. He won't believe it!!!!!!
Sept 15- Finally the scale moved this morning to 190.5. Fall is in the air and I feel positively healthy today!
Sept 18- 188.5
Sept 19th- I feel so strong so healthy I am LOVING life right now. Food is starting to become fuel for my body not the reason I live. Around 40 lbs till goal I can't believe it.
Sept 29th- 185.5
Oct 12th- 185.5 OMG I am so frustrated almost 2 weeks and I have been gaining and losing 3-5 lbs. I just checked out my April board b/c we are all almost 6 months out and I am defintely now on the slower side of losing. Eric will be home in a few weeks and I wanted to be in the 160's. Dammit.
Oct 19th- 182 thank God. I hope my little plateau is over now. I am having some emotional eating going on lately that I hope I can overcome. I can't wait till my therapist gets back from vacation to talk to her about it. It's kind of scary.
Oct 24th- 180.5 Started my period a couple days ago. You know, yesterday I snacked on a coffee cake, a bite here and there, the awful kind of snacking and didn't get in near enough water or protein and lost 3 lbs from the day before. I am beginning to think my body is going to do what it is going to do. I am still responsible for developing good habits but do nto have nearly as much control over how quickly I lose this weight as I may have thought a month ago. There's my thought of the day
Oct 29th- Made Halloween goal of 179. Now I am JUST overweight, haha. I ate candy almost all day yesterday, it was so BAD. Ughh!
